


Think Twice

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Snips - Freeform, Star Wars - Freeform, friends or enemies, skyguy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-06-23 04:45:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 63,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15598572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: The chosen one, Anakin Skywalker, was found by the Sith before the Jedi. Now as war rages between the Confederacy of Independent Systems and the Galactic Republic, the stakes are higher than ever. Padawan Ahsoka Tano, finds herself face to face with the chosen one more times than she'd care to admit. But how much is fate and how much is choice? And what happens when they find out they might actually have feelings for each other?Story requested by DeWun. Thanks for the idea!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DeWun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeWun/gifts).



            "Defend your position! The Seps are on the move!" The orders were relayed through her wrist comm and she signaled for her group of clones to take up position. Nobody knew exactly how they'd infiltrated Kamino of all places, but if the Republic couldn't hold the facility, the war would be lost. Without the clone troopers, they had only a small number of Jedi compared to the hordes of battle droids. 

            She looked up when she felt him.  _Oh no.._. Skywalker... if he was here, they wouldn't stand a chance spread out so thin. The chosen one a Sith, it had been the Jedi's worst nightmare when they found out they had him. 

            "Defend the armory!" She was on her feet. 

            "But sir?" Rex said.

            "The chosen one is here! If I don't lead him to the other Jedi, we'll all be lost. Now captain, defend the armory," she didn't mean to be short with him, but she knew in her gut this wouldn't end well if he fought them one by one. She was disobeying direct orders from her master, but she had to follow her instincts. 

            She raced down the hallway, skidding around a corner. "You won't win, Skywalker," she taunted when she saw his back. 

            He slowly looked over his shoulder and grinned. "So, the council sent a padawan to defend its primary troops. Why am I not surprised?"

            "I'm stronger than I look," she said indignantly. Pulling her two lightsabers to her hands and spinning them into her reverse grip. 

            "We'll see, we'll see," he chuckled. His golden eyes flashed in the harsh light of the sterile facility. "It's a shame, we have to fight. You seem like a lot of fun. I'd hate to kill you." She narrowed her eyes at him and he summoned his lightsaber to his hands. He ignited it dramatically and waved it around in front of him, ending in form five. 

            She took a deep breath and raced at him, twirling out of the way of his swing. She flipped off the wall and swung at him. He blocked her easily, gracefully moving to the side. He swung at her intensely and she was forced to leap the first time and roll the second time, missing getting hit by a hair. He was far too strong for her to take him alone. Now that she had his attention, she needed to move him towards her master's position. 

            "I can feel your fear, you know? You can't hide it," he taunted.

            "I'm not afraid of you," she snapped, finding an opportunity to push him back with the force. He jammed his lightsaber into the floor to slow himself down. Then he looked up at her from where he was crouching. His honey colored hair fell around his face and he blew a curly lock out of his eyes. He had a kind of sexy smirk that was confusing her. Why had she even noticed that?

            He ran at her, combining his power with a burst of speed and she just barely ducked out of the way. He rolled over her back and swept low. She leapt over his saber but lost her balance and fell to the floor. One of her weapons went flying as she frantically rolled to miss his repeated strikes. "You let your guard down, Snips," he said, almost as though he was trying to coach her. "I would have thought Obi wan would teach you better than that."

            She used the force to pull her lightsaber back to her hand. "He's taught me plenty!" She leapt back to her feet and swung wildly. "He's a good teacher. Disciplined. Not that it matters to you!" He spun her around. 

            "You know, Snips," he pushed her back against the wall, looming as they met over their lightsabers. "Your master doesn't seem like very much fun. You should join me, I could show you a much better time."

            "And just what do you mean by that?" she scowled at him and looked up at his eyes. To her surprise there was danger there, but more mischief than malice. Did he really mean that? And why did he keep calling her Snips?

            He pinned her back against the wall, their lightsabers getting closer and closer to her chest, she could feel their heat. She gritted her teeth trying to put all her strength into pushing him back. But before she managed to do that, he leaned over them and gave her a quick, but intense kiss on the lips. She stared up at him in surprise almost forgetting to hold her position. 

            "What was that for?"

            "Consider it a sample," he winked at her and then he flipped backwards, shut off his lightsaber and disappeared down a hatch. She was left staring after him, reeling. That fight had hardly been fair, but it wasn't even because of his power versus her own. She brought her hand up to her lips, still feeling the tingly sensation his had left her with. What the kriff was wrong with her? He was the enemy! He was evil! But... why had that felt so good?

            "Come back here, Skyguy!" She jumped down the hatch after him, following the sounds of his laughter as they echoed through the pipes. 

            "I knew you'd want more." She jumped around a corner to her left, but he wasn't there. "Skyguy, huh? I like it. See? You're already having more fun with me."

            "Who said I chased you to have fun? Or that you could offer me any?" she demanded, heat rising in her cheeks. She jumped around another corner, feeling distinctly on edge. Well maybe she hadn't succeeded at leading him to the other Jedi, but at least she was keeping him busy for the time being. The longer his attention was on her, the better the Republic's chances of beating back the Seps.

            "Don't be such a stick in the mud, Snips," he laughed from somewhere behind her and she spun around. 

            "Why do you keep calling me that? My name is Ahsoka!"

            "Awww 'Soka, how sweet," he drawled, and she ran down the pipe to her right. "Snips fits you so much better though."

            She leapt out to her left. Where the kriff was he? "What does that even mean?"

            "It means you're snippy." He appeared upside down in front of her. She swung her lightsaber at him and he managed to roll up out of the way. "But that, that was rude." He pushed her back with the force and she landed ten feet away, her butt in the water. 

            She glared up at him, trying not to admire the way his hair fell around below his head as he dangled there watching her. "Are you enjoying this?" she asked, her hands on her hips. 

            "Of course," he grinned at her. "Aren't you?"

            He reached up one well-muscled arm and grabbed the bar his legs were hooked over, gracefully maneuvering his flip right side up and landed softly in the couple of inches of standing water. "Of course not," she replied indignantly. 

            "Well then, what can we do to change that?" He pulled her to her feet with the force. She fought him as he pulled her towards him. She didn't know what to do. She'd only ever been pushed away before. She grabbed onto a metal ladder, but he was so strong, she could barely hold on. 

            "Let me go," she said through gritted teeth. "You're crazy!"

            "I get that a lot," he murmured. "But you know what they say." He jerked the force so hard she lost her grip on the ladder and flew into his arms. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." He squeezed her up against him and she squirmed trying to get away. 

            "I'm pretty sure this is not what that saying means!" She tried to peel his hands off from around her stomach. 

            "Well, it's a good interpretation of it anyways, don't you think?"

            "No!" 

            He sighed and let her go, she staggered a little and had to catch herself on the wall to stay upright. "You wound me, Snips. I really thought we had something special going on here." He straightened. "I'll let you in on a little secret though, so maybe next time you'll be a little more hospitable. Kamino was just a distraction." He pulled out his lightsaber, made a quick circle in the bottom of the pipe and jumped through it. She stared after him as he turned mid-fall and dove into the stormy waters beneath the facility. 

            What the kriff did he mean by that? "Master Kenobi!" she punched the button on her comm.

            "Kenobi here," he replied sounding tired. 

            "Skywalker was here, I fought him. He got away, but he said Kamino was just a distraction!"

            "We need to inform the council, immediately. Regroup at the medical facility, with your squadron."

            "Yes master," she replied obediently and shut down the transmission. She looked back down through the hole he'd cut and stared at the water where he'd disappeared. She had no idea what to think about anything that had happened. No wonder he was just playing games if they didn't care if they won on Kamino. But... she was almost certain he'd been telling her the truth. Not about the war, but about what he could offer her. She'd be stupid to take his offer of course, but the way his lips had felt against hers... the way he'd smiled at her, not just in mockery but with genuine emotion... and the way his hands felt around her waist... what the kriff was wrong with her?

 


	2. Chapter 2

            “Stay out of my way, Skywalker,” Ventress growled at him. “Count Dooku put me in charge of this mission.” He stared at her a moment and then shrugged.

            “Okay, but when it falls apart, I’ll swoop in and save the day.”

            “In your dreams,” she muttered and turned when two people entered the room. He leaned back against the column and let her take the lead.

            “Ventress, you’re not looking well,” Obi wan commented as though having a friendly chat with friends. _She never does,_ he thought to himself.

            “You’re not much to look at either, dear,” she replied and he rolled his eyes. Obi wan glanced past her and saw him standing there and narrowed his eyes.

            “Stay back, padawan. Let me handle this.” Kenobi put out his arm to block Ahsoka. He looked her over. She was glaring at Ventress and then tried to hide her disappointment at her master’s statement. His lips curled a little in annoyance, but he shook it off. Why did he care how her master treated her?

            She stepped back obediently and then looked up, noticing him. He stared at her a moment longer and then went back to watching the fight that unfolded between Obi wan and Ventress. Ventress was strong in the dark side, but not as strong as him. Nor did she really have what it took to go up against master Kenobi, but she held her own for awhile. She kept trying to turn him, so his back would be to him, but he ignored the easy target because she’d wanted to take the lead. So, he just watched them bemused as they half taunted, and half flirted.

            At some point, Ahsoka jumped into the fight too and he studied her form. She had power, but it was often misplaced. Her second saber lagged behind her first as though an afterthought. Ventress was easily able to deflect anything she threw at her _and_ keep Obi wan busy.

             “You could join in any time, Skywalker!” Ventress called through gritted teeth from the other side of the room after pushing Ahsoka to the side.

            “I thought you had it under control?” he smirked. But he pulled his lightsaber to his hand and narrowed his eyes.

            “I do,” she replied stubbornly.

            “Yet you still need my help?” he chuckled.

            “Just get over here!” She ducked under Obi wan’s swing and dodged Ahsoka’s charge.

            He jumped into the fray, forcing Kenobi to duck and dodge attacks from both sides. Eventually he pulled him off Ventress and threw his attention into fighting the Jedi master. She was grateful for the reprieve, not that she’d admit it, though Ahsoka was still a contender. He half watched their fight while focusing on Obi wan. He danced and twirled around and at one point backed up against Ahsoka. Almost as though they were on the same side. Obi wan lunged forward and he ducked. She felt his sudden movement and rolled to the side missing getting hit by her own master by a hair. From the floor they both watched Obi wan and Ventress start fighting again.

            She glanced at him uncertain but then pulled her lightsaber back to her hand and swung it at him. He blocked her strike and flipped back to his feet. Ventress broke the window behind her and leapt out of the building and Obi wan followed suit. He was left alone with Ahsoka.

            “Your master doesn’t appreciate you,” he said after they fought for awhile. All her focus was on trying to get through his blocks, but she looked a little unsure of herself.

            “Why do you care?” she asked through gritted teeth. _Interesting, she didn’t deny it._

            “I don’t,” he said. “It was just an observation.” He pushed her back hard and she lost her balance. “You have potential, but you need a better teacher.”

            She looked up from the floor. “This again?” She narrowed her eyes and got back to her feet. She spun both sabers into her reverse grip, then she ran at him. He easily danced out of the way, blocking both strikes on the way by.

            “Your jar kai needs work. Your left hand is weak,” he smirked, rolling to the side. “If I swing like this, what do you do?” He swung his saber low, bringing it up along her left side. She fumbled a bit and barely managed to stop the strike before it hit her. “Nope. That’s the moment you should have flipped your saber around to block and then bring the right hand around, forcing me to duck.” She gave him a confused look but shook her head like she wasn’t sure how to respond to him. “So then if I come down like this, what do you do?” He brought his strike down hard and she frantically raised her lightsabers but tangled up her hands in the process and staggered under the pressure he’d put into it. She grunted and managed to push him back, leaping forward and cutting across his shoulder. He flashed her a dangerous grin. “So, you _do_ have claws.” He turned up his nose at the smell of burning flesh, ignoring the pain. It was nothing compared to what he’s already known. “See, Snips? A few minutes with me and you’ve already improved.”

            “Why are you trying to help me?” She rushed at him and he flipped out of the way. He landed, dropping down low, his hands on the floor. “Shouldn’t you be trying to kill me? Isn’t that what all you Sith do?”

            “You’re not a threat yet,” he said simply. “Besides, why would I kill my favorite toy?” He noticed that the stripes on her horns brightened at his comment. He smirked to himself.

            “Is everything a game to you?” she asked and stopped fighting to study his face. He didn’t like her sudden piercing eyes.

            “It beats the alternative.”

            She was quiet for a moment and he felt uncomfortable under her stare. He raised his lightsaber to keep fighting and distract her. “It’s not too late, you know? You could come back to the light.”

            He narrowed his eyes angrily. “You don’t know the power of the dark side, Ahsoka.”

            “You’re stronger than your master, you can beat him!” she urged him. All he wanted to do now was run away.

            “It doesn’t work like that.” He ran at her and she blocked his strike and twirled out of the way.

            “Why not?”

            “You don’t know anything!” he shouted and threw all his energy into the force. She hit the wall hard and slumped down to the floor. He stood over her, holding his lightsaber near her neck. A tear escaped as he studied her unconscious body. He took a deep breath and turned away, leaping through the window and putting his mind back on his mission.

            She didn’t know how much he’d suffered and lost. She didn’t understand. Asking him to turn to the light was like asking him to be weak so they could strike him down. He wiped his eyes and went looking for Ventress. He had no reason to kill her yet. Next time, she might not be so lucky.


	3. Chapter 3

            She picked up two practice sabers and stood in front of the practice dummy. She took a deep breath and studied the weapons in her hands. He'd said her left hand was weak, that wasn't the first time she'd heard that. But somehow hearing it from the enemy freaked her out a little more. He could tell just where her training or lack of practice failed her and that terrified her. If the enemy could so easily see her weaknesses, how long before it would get her killed?

            She stared at the mannequin in front of her. She still didn't understand why he was trying to help her, or even if that's what he was doing at all. For all she knew, he could be trying to mess with her head and make her doubt her training. That seemed more like something a Sith would do. But... he didn't act like any of the others. He'd had a dozen opportunities to kill her both times they fought and for whatever reason, he restrained himself. The first time made some sense, if it was a diversion from their real plot, why waste the energy killing a padawan? But this last time? 

            She'd made him mad. He had every reason to finish her off. She rolled her shoulders, still sore from where she'd made contact with the wall. Everything had gone black for awhile. When she came too, he was gone. Which meant that she would have been helpless to stop him from killing her, but he didn't. He chose not to.

            His instructions on how to swing her lightsaber and defend herself felt well intended. And on top of that, he seemed to enjoy flirting with her. Which was strange. Master Kenobi and Ventress flirted and taunted, but it always felt like play acting. That neither of them truly cared whether they explored those feelings. But if she didn't know better, she'd almost think he was serious about his advances. 

            She thought about the way he'd showed her just how weak her left side was. He wasn't the nicest person ever, but it still felt like he was trying to help her. She set down the right saber and for awhile, swung her left one repeatedly at the training dummy. It was awkward and frustrating, and she had no idea just what she was doing wrong. She'd tried to ask master Kenobi a few times, but he kept telling her to trust it, which didn't really help. There was clearly something wrong with her form, but since she was the only one around that preferred the reverse grip, it was hard to get help on it. 

            To block his strike, he'd told her she should have spun her saber into the forward grip. Maybe that's what was the problem. She tried to do everything in reverse and then her blocks were weak. But switching mid-fight? That seemed hard. She tried to spin the saber forward and accidentally dropped it.  _Yeah that's helpful, Skyguy._ She rolled her eyes and pulled it back to her hand. She tried to spin it a few more times and after about fifteen tries she managed to toss it up and switch her grip, while twirling and swinging. It wasn't ideal, but she was starting to think she might actually be able to get this move down. 

            And now that she thought about it, performing jar kai normally... she had a lot more strength in the position, so it made more sense to block with her lightsabers forward and fight with them backwards. Maybe he really was trying to help her. That was already more than any of her teachers at the temple instructed. She preferred the reverse grip, so they told her how to use it or to just keep practicing. None of them had ever suggested for her to try and switch forms mid fight. Probably because it would be a dangerous move, but if she could master it... it would be better than fumbling to block in her reverse grip. 

            She pulled both practice sabers to her hands and moved to the center of the dojo. She mentally replayed both of their fights in her head, picking out opportunities with which she could have switched forms and seeing if she could manage to do it in the heat of whatever had been going on at the time. She dropped them a few times but was determined to figure it out. This was a trick that could become very useful. 

            When she exhausted herself trying to do this she sat down hard on the ground to catch her breath. She almost wished he was here to help her practice, not that she'd admit that to anyone. But he'd been right, with a few minutes of instruction he'd helped her improve far more than her teachers. Going up against him was terrifying, even when he was just playing with her, but it was harder to keep from her master and the council the other stuff he did. 

            After what happened on Kamino, she couldn't bring herself to tell master Kenobi that he'd kissed her. Or the way he'd pulled her into his arms, or worse, that she'd actually liked his touch and the kiss. And what about what happened yesterday? How it felt repeatedly like they were only fighting because they were supposed to, not because either of them wanted to. At one point they'd ended up back to back, almost like they were on the same side defending each other. If she hadn't of felt him move, she wouldn't have gotten out of the way in time of master Kenobi's swing. Which was a terrifying thought. But at the same time, she'd probably be told she shouldn't even have been in the middle of it. He'd told her to stay back after all, but she'd dove into the fight anyways. Now that she thought about it, she was surprised she hadn't gotten in trouble for that. 

            That was twice she'd gone up against the Chosen One; the most powerful force user the Jedi had seen for over a thousand years and somehow came out unscathed. Though she suspected when the time came that she was no longer fun for him to play with, she wouldn't be so lucky. She looked over at the practice dummy again and it slowly morphed into him. His intimidating height, the graceful yet confident way he moved and held himself. His dark golden eyes that could pierce your soul. His light blonde brown hair that was long enough to tie back at the base of his neck, but always had a few wavy strands loose that framed his face. And that crazy smirk that she simultaneously liked and also wanted to wipe off his face. She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. This was not good. 

            She was a Jedi. Even if attachments were allowed, he was a Sith. What the kriff was she even thinking? He made her feel things though, things she knew were wrong. She also felt connected to him on some level, like the force kept bringing them together. Maybe she was supposed to pull him back to the light? She didn't really know if that were possible, but the thought nagged at her in the back of her brain. He was a Sith, but maybe, maybe not by choice...

 


	4. Chapter 4

            He hopped from rooftop to rooftop as he explored the city. He'd meet with the queen soon enough, for now he just wanted to get a feel for the place. He was tired of getting assigned these easy missions. But for whatever reason Sidious and Dooku were adamant they had to prolong the war as long as possible until the Jedi were spread too thin to stop the final play. He didn't care at all for their politics or war, but he was hungry for more action than they were giving him. He swung down onto a balcony and watched people wander the streets. He glanced to the side when he sensed her. _Or he was hungry for something else entirely..._

            She was covered from head to toe in a dark cloak, the only things visible were her eyes, the white markings that crowned them and a hint of jewelry around her horns. Around her were three men, two clones and her Jedi master, Kenobi. The four of them, despite being dressed to blend in, stood out. He shook his head and ducked behind the column next to him when she looked his way. He peeked back around after a few minutes and saw that they'd continued down the road, stopping further down at the slave pens.  _This ought to be interesting._

            He leapt across the street to the roof of another building and ran along the short stone wall, launching himself to the empty pathway normally patrolled by guards, to get a better angle. Kenobi directed the clones and Ahsoka to stand watch when he jumped down into one of the pens. She wandered a little way away when she saw another slave being whipped and he shook his head. He assumed she was wearing that getup because she was supposed to pretend to be one, but she didn't act like one at all. 

            He heard shouting and saw that the others had been noticed trying to rescue the governor of Kiros. She turned around like she was going to run back to help them. He sighed and leapt off the wall, grabbing her arm before the guards noticed her too. "Unhand me!" she demanded the moment he touched her. He glanced around to make sure nobody was paying attention and jerked her down a side street and pushed her back against the wall putting his other hand over her mouth. 

            "Slavery is a state of mind, Snips, not just an outfit," he growled. "If you're going to pretend to be one, you have to act like one. Unless of course you  _want_  the entire city to know you're a Jedi. Another outburst like that and your game of pretend will end up being real."

            She looked like she was going to say something but managed to stop herself. Instead she brought her hand up and tried to peel his off her mouth. "I have to help them," she said after studying him for a moment. 

            "It's too late for them. But you still have a chance to finish your mission. I can take you to the queen, but try to be convincing this time," he muttered. He liked the way she felt up against him. 

            "Why would you help me?" she asked in confusion.

            "Because I have nothing better to do at the moment," he smirked. "Besides, I like the idea of you being my slave."

            "You're crazy," she said in annoyance.

            "We've established that." He took her by the arm and pulled her back out to the main street. They walked in silence towards the palace. Every so often she'd forget her place and he'd pull her roughly, so she stumbled a little. He could tell she wasn't happy about this at all, but he was enjoying the fact that she was going along with it anyways. It was a welcome change to always having to clash blades with her. Especially since he was running out of excuses as to why he didn't finish her off. It wasn't like he could tell his master that he liked playing with her. And that at the moment, she wasn't enough of a threat to worry about. 

            Considering all that he'd suffered, as far as he was concerned, he should be allowed something that was his and his alone. She just happened to fill a need he'd never confess to having. One he couldn't completely articulate because he didn't understand it himself. But from the very first time he saw her, and confirmed later on Kamino, he felt something with her he couldn't ignore. She was a Jedi and the enemy, but when he looked in her eyes it felt like she was more like him. A kindred spirit, in a way. They were a lot alike, despite not really being alike at all. It was confusing to understand, let alone, to explain. And sometimes when she'd look at him, it felt like she was the first person that actually saw him. Which if he were honest, both terrified him and excited him. 

            The guards led them into the palace once he told them who he was. It helped that he'd been expected, but also that Dooku was not to be trifled with. In the throne room, he bowed before the queen and elbowed Ahsoka so she did the same. "Your majesty," he said once he straightened. "I bring you a gift from Count Dooku. A reminder that he provides for you and your empire." He pulled Ahsoka forward and ripped off her cloak.

            She looked startled but tried to curtsy. The queen stepped forward and studied her. "The count sure knows how to pick a beautiful female," the queen purred a little as she made a lap around Ahsoka. He stepped back and crossed his arms, studying her too. The turquoise two-piece dress was attractive on her orange skin and cut in a way that complemented her curves. The jewelry accented her chest and hips and was draped around her extremities as well. The color of her dress brought out a lightness and sparkle in her eyes as well and he liked it, he liked it a lot. He was distracted enough watching Ahsoka himself he ignored the queen's comment that Dooku had picked her out. As if Dooku would recognize a beautiful woman when he saw one. "I assume you're here to inspect our operations? Well you can tell the count that everything is running smoothly."

            He finally peeled his eyes off Ahsoka and looked back at the queen. "You know as well as I do that Count Dooku doesn't take people at his word. I will need to see it for myself."

            "Of course. I expected as much," the Zygerrian queen huffed a bit and stood up taller. "Well then, allow me to give you a tour." She put out her hand like she expected him to take it and he tried to hide his disgust. Then he glanced at Ahsoka to make sure she followed them. She'd fallen into the role better than expected and walked dejectedly behind them while staring at the floor. He really had no intention of helping her with her mission, but he didn't want her to end up as a real slave. Though if that were to happen, he had enough credits he could buy her. That might be fun. 

            They stopped on the terraced roof of the palace at a vantage point that allowed them to survey the entire city. He could see the appeal of the place, it was wealthy and full of activity. The buildings were elegantly and colorfully decorated. But in sharp contrast to the richness was the sounds of slaves crying or being punished. He supposed it was something you got used to, but it bothered him to hear such blubbering. Ahsoka would never beg like that, he was sure of it. He started to turn to look at her when he felt something to his left and grabbed the arm of the twi'lek that held up a dinner knife she'd been about ready to stab the queen with. 

            "Let me go!" the slave cried. He shook his head, twisted her arm and helped her stab herself with the knife. She sputtered and collapsed in shock. Ahsoka stumbled forward to hold her and looked up at him in anger and horror. He just shrugged and turned back to the queen who was watching the scene as though it was simply distasteful rather than gruesome or troubling. As far as he was concerned, the slave's punishment would have been worse than what he'd just done. So, no matter what it may have looked like to a Jedi, he was being merciful. 

            "Well, it looks like an opening has just appeared in the palace. I imagine your slave will do a much better job," the queen said finally and turned her back on the situation. 

            He met eye contact with Ahsoka who glared at him when the guards grabbed the twi'lek's body out of her arms and carried her away to dispose of it. He stared at her a moment as he watched her trying to read him and then turned back to the queen. She didn't have to approve. She wasn't even supposed to be here. This was the way it was in this world. He'd forgotten that Jedi didn't understand real life. If she'd seen half the things he had, she would understand him much better. But it didn't really matter if she understood. It's not like they had any kind of future. She was an amusement, a way to pass the time. Someday, probably soon, he would be ordered to or have to kill her. Which was regrettable, but unavoidable. So, as far as he was concerned, he was going to enjoy her until he wasn't allowed to anymore.

            "I'm sure she'll serve you well," he said, offering the queen his arm again. 

            When the queen was seated on her throne at the auction, addressing the gathered attendees, he stepped back to stand closer to Ahsoka. He secretly wished he could pull her into a private room and play a different type of game with her. It was hard to ignore how attractive she was in the revealing outfit and the way she seemed to sparkle with all the gold jewelry wrapped around her body. If he was going to have to leave her here with the queen, he wanted to have a little fun with her first. 

            But before he could risk making a move, one of the guards came forward to whisper in the queen's ear. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special prize for you this evening." The queen stood up and stepped forward. "Obi wan Kenobi. A Jedi." He felt Ahsoka tense next to him and try to get a glimpse of her master being led to the platform in chains.  _Oh brother, this complicated everything._  He'd forgotten all about him and the two clones. The crowd got agitated and unhappy and the queen tried to calm them down. "Fear not, my friends, he is no different from any other slave. A Jedi can be broken too." She turned on him and he crossed his arms. "I'm sure it would please you and your master to bring a Jedi to his knees. Would you do the honors?" She held out the hilt of a golden electrowhip. 

            He ignored the flood of emotions he was feeling from Ahsoka and glanced down at the Jedi master that had been chained to the platform. He looked pathetic. He was filthy and covered in bruises and if circumstances were different, he might have taken pleasure in breaking him down. But he preferred a fair fight; one where he could win by skill and strategy not by beating a defenseless prisoner. "I'm sorry, your majesty," he said finally. "I'm not to get involved. I'm only here to protect Count Dooku's investment." He felt Ahsoka's relief that he wasn't about to go whip her master and he tried to hide the smirk. 

            "Very disappointing," the queen drawled and turned back to the auction, signaling her guards to begin. 

            He slipped through the back door and into a small storage room and pulled out his holocommunicator. "What is your report, Skywalker?" Dooku answered in annoyance. 

            "We have a problem." He bowed quickly, hating having to show him any kind of respect. "Kenobi is here. He was caught by the guards and the queen is taking too much pleasure in thinking she can break him."

            "Obi wan, hmm?" The count stroked his beard. "Order the queen to deport him to Kadavo. Is he there alone?"

            "No, he was accompanied by two clones," he replied. The count didn't need to know about Ahsoka. She wouldn't be any trouble here on Zygerria alone, as a slave to the queen. It was a better situation than Kadavo, that was for sure.

            "But no other Jedi?"

            "None that I've seen or sensed. Though I imagine the council knows about his mission," he said simply, to hide his lie.

            "My master can keep the Jedi too busy to go after him. If the queen refuses to do as I command, kill her. Prime minister Molec will be a lot more malleable to our cause. See to it that Kenobi and the clones are shipped to the slave mines and processed. I will talk to Darth Sidious," Dooku instructed. 

            "Yes, my lord." He clicked off the communicator and pursed his lips in disgust. What harm would it do to lie about Ahsoka's presence? She was just a padawan and based on his observations of the order from afar, it was unlikely the council would report to his master that she'd been with Kenobi. Since he was the Jedi master and a member of their council, he'd be more important to recover. But Sidious would likely force their attention elsewhere and he'd be considered a loss. His padawan forgotten in favor of more pressing issues. Ahsoka would stay here on Zygerria, as a slave to the queen. Unless of course, he did end up having to kill the queen. Then she'd have to be a slave to that slimy weasel, Molec. Still better than Kadavo though. _Maybe._ The thought turned his insides. 

            Speaking of Ahsoka, he'd better go tell the queen, Dooku's orders before she did something stupid. He walked back through the door and found both guards unconscious, along with Ahsoka.  _Oh great._

            "What kind of game are you and Dooku playing?" the queen demanded, when she saw him return. "You give me a Jedi as a slave?"

            "I didn't know she was a Jedi," he lied. "But Dooku probably did. Perhaps, your majesty, he was testing your loyalty to our cause."

            "You tell your master that I don't answer to him," she snarled. "Zygerria joined the Separatist alliance in cooperation. He does not get a say in how I conduct my business. It is an exchange, nothing more!"

            "That is where you're wrong," he said, lifting his hand and clamping the force down on her neck. "Count Dooku is your master now and you will do as he orders." He released the hold and she gasped for breath. "If you refuse to obey, like the slave that you are, perhaps your prime minister will be more obedient."

            She glanced at the zygerrian male off to the side. He had a malicious grin, that indicated he loved every second of the queen being tortured and put in her place. "What is he talking about, Atai?" she asked in frustration. 

            "I'm sorry, Miraj. But Dooku has offered me a lot more than you ever did. I will bring Zygerria back to its glory. You hold it back!" Molec answered, tapping his greedy furry fingers together. 

            She looked back at him helplessly. "I curse your master for turning on me! I have done nothing but meet his every demand. How dare he?"

            "He recognizes roadblocks when he sees them," he replied. He lifted her in the air with the force again, watching her dangle helplessly. Then he put the final clamp down on her neck and threw her to the side. Then he turned to the prime minister. "Dooku demands the Jedi and the two clones that were with him to be sent to Kadavo for processing. You're now in charge."

            "Thank you, my lord. His orders will be carried out as instructed." Molec bowed and groveled at his feet. "What of this Jedi, can I have her?" He pointed to Ahsoka who was sprawled out on the floor. He turned up his nose at the thought. Especially at the evil and lustful glint the zygerrian got in his eyes at the idea of possessing something as delectable as her. 

            "I think you might find her difficult to break," he said carefully. "She might prove too much of a handful for you."

            "Don't worry, my lord. I have my ways," Molec said quickly. 

            He took a deep breath, not sure why he was suddenly so averse to the idea of leaving her here. That had been the original plan when he'd brought her to the palace with him. But leaving her a slave to the queen was a very different story to leaving her a slave to this disgusting slimo that likely wouldn't keep his hands off her. But if he refused, word would get back to Dooku and eventually Sidious and he'd have to explain why he'd lied about her being here. Now he wished even more he'd taken his chance with her first. His eyes lingered on her chest as it rose and fell, then up to her face where she grimaced in her sleep. He didn't like this one bit, but he didn't really have a choice. "Very well," he said finally, wishing he could spit out the taste the thought left in his mouth. 

            "Oh, thank you, thank you. You are most generous." He closed his eyes as the prime minister went over to her and picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder. His teeth ground together as he silently fumed. He opened them again as he watched him leave with her, the way she dangled helplessly down his back. 

            He fought with himself for a few minutes after they disappeared, but he finally couldn't stand it anymore. She was the enemy, perhaps. But nobody deserved that. And he really didn't want those grubby hands on her perfect orange skin. He went after them.

            He followed him stealthily, until Molec dumped her into a cage that he proceeded to suspend high above the city; like it was some kind of method of breaking in slaves. Maybe it was, what did he know? She stirred after a few minutes and rocked the hanging cage as she moved around trying to assess her situation. 

            "Let me out of here!" she demanded.

            Molec laughed. "But you were promised to me." He flashed his teeth. 

            Ahsoka waved her hand and almost sent the zygerrian off the roof. He couldn't help but smirk. He'd warned the prime minister she was a handful. But unfortunately, it was his duty to keep Dooku's pawn alive. Molec climbed back over the wall and grabbed for his control device.

            "Stupid skug!" he spat and pushed the button that electrocuted her. He tensed as Molec hit the button three more times until Ahsoka was grabbing the cage and panting, struggling to catch her breath. "You'll learn your place." He zapped the slave collar one more time and then marched away. 

            Ahsoka collapsed onto her side, gasping. Then she curled up and he could tell she was trying to find calm. He felt sorry for her. He'd warned her that she could become a real slave if she let them know she was a Jedi. And that's exactly what she'd done. She'd probably threatened the queen for torturing her master and now look at the mess they were all in. 

            Dooku didn't know about her though, so if she escaped with information, he wouldn't know how the Jedi found out. Both of them would get out of it without further trouble. 

            Once he was sure Molec was gone, he leapt down from his hiding spot and used the force to pull the cage off its hooks and up onto the roof. When he opened his eyes, she was watching him, her fingers curled through the holes of the cage. Her big blue eyes curious and confused. She let go as he broke off the door and reached out a hand to help her up. 

            "Are you alright?" he asked and then felt like an idiot. Why did he care so much about her?

            "Yes," she whispered, studying him with her piercing eyes. He hated it. He didn't like that she could see right through him. He reached around her neck, disabling the collar with the force and discarding it to the side. 

            "Come on, we better get you back to your ship before Molec returns." He leapt down a level and took the reins of one of the brezaks resting below. He climbed into the saddle and looked back up at her expectantly. She hesitated a moment, but then jumped down too, climbing on behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist. He kicked the beast’s sides and jerked the reins and it took off, soaring over the city. He liked the way she felt behind him, so he tried to focus on that rather than the stupid thing he was doing by rescuing her. It was a good thing Sidious wouldn't find out about this. He was really testing his limits this time, and if his master knew, he'd be most unforgiving. 

            She leaned against his back and he swallowed hard. Suddenly he didn't really care how much trouble he could get into. They landed by the ship she pointed out and she dismounted, looking up at him. "Your master was taken to Kadavo," he said quickly. "Along with the people of Kiros, which I'm assuming is why you were here to begin with. But you didn't hear that from me." He took off before he could change his mind. He really hoped he hadn't just made a horrible mistake. So Dooku would lose a few slaves, and maybe it would put Kenobi back in the fight... but it didn't matter. The Jedi were going to lose anyways. All he'd done was prolong the conflict, which was exactly what his master had claimed he wanted. _Right?_


	5. Chapter 5

            She sat up and looked around her room at the Jedi temple. She’d been dreaming about him again. It was at least the third time this week that she’d woken up in the middle of the night with him on her mind. She glanced at her chronometer. It was too early to go talk to someone. The dreams were always the same. They’d start out simple, like a replay of one of her times face to face with him, but then they’d get more and more intense or detailed like it was trying to tell her something.

            She’d been resisting telling the council about his involvement on Zygerria. As far as everyone knew, he’d never been there. And she wanted to keep it that way. There’d been fear in his voice when he’d told her where to find her master and the people of Kiros. He’d said it flippantly,  _you didn’t hear it from me_ , but she’d felt the fear. Which had to mean he hadn’t just rescued her, he’d gone against his master’s wishes to do so. Or he’d disobeyed his master in some way. He’d talked only of Dooku to the queen, but the Jedi weren’t convinced Dooku was his master. She wasn’t either, if she were honest. He had a certain,  _distaste_ , for the count. She’d felt it in his voice whenever Dooku was mentioned. Like he’d grind his teeth together or smother the name to fulfill some deep-seated need for revenge. Despite being on the opposite side of the war, he didn’t even talk about the Jedi that way. 

            What she still didn’t understand though was why? Why had he rescued her? Why had he risked his own mission to do so? The other Jedi feared the Chosen One, because he was powerful. But what if his power could be redirected? She couldn’t shake the way he’d asked her if she was alright. Or the way he’d felt when she’d held him on their ride back to the ship. He was a Sith, but he didn’t feel like one. Not really. He felt… lost… maybe even lonely…

            He could snap in an instant, she knew that. She’d witnessed it first hand when she’d made him angry. When she’d asked him to fight his master, to turn to the light. He’d been upset, but there was more. There was a sense of hopelessness she’d felt beneath his anger. If he was loving his life, if he was enjoying his power and position, why did he feel hopeless? Or lonely? Or lost? Why didn’t he feel evil like the others? Why did she see moments of honesty and tenderness?

            She paced her room. All the questions were going to drive her mad! She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to help him or if she  _could_  help him. She didn’t even know if she was _supposed_  to help him. But whether she liked it or not, they’d connected somehow, and she had to try to do something for him. She dropped down on the bed and rubbed her face. She was ashamed to admit this growing need to reach him didn’t even have to do with the war. Wasn’t it a Jedi’s responsibility to help the helpless? He may not be helpless in the typical sense, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was. But she was just a padawan, what could she do without the support of the council?

            She glanced at her chronometer again. Master Yoda would probably be awake, since he never seemed to sleep. He was living proof that you could survive without sleep because the force sustains you. If she went to talk to him, she’d have to admit that he was there on Zygerria. She might even have to admit some of the other stuff, but surely the leader of the Jedi himself, would recognize the opportunity here. Surely that would far outweigh the potential entanglements of their growing attachment. 

            She paused outside the grand master’s door, hoping she wasn’t about to make his life so much worse by telling the Jedi about his help. What if they were to arrest him? Or use this against him? What if this backfired on both of them? She lost her nerve and turned to leave, but Master Yoda called her back before she got very far. She swore softly under her breath and tried to relax.

            She opened the door to his chambers and he pointed his twisted wooden stick at the other meditation poof. She sat down, wrapping her arms around her knees. She didn’t know how to start this conversation. She didn’t know what to say. 

            “Troubled, you are,” he said after a moment.

            “Yes master,” she replied softly. 

            “Why?”

            Such a simple question and yet a million ways to answer it. “I keep dreaming about the Chosen One,” she said finally. 

            “Teach us, dreams do.” Master Yoda opened his eyes and looked at her. “What lesson do yours have?”

            “I’m not sure. It feels like they’re trying to tell me to help him,” she said hesitantly. “I think it might be possible to turn him to the light. If we can free him from his Sith master, we might be able to end the war faster. I know he’s done horrible things and he can’t be a Jedi, but…” she trailed off feeling foolish. She sounded like an idiot. She squeezed her eyes shut knowing what the grand master would say.  _Lost, he is, to the dark side._  She wasn’t convinced that was true though. If a Jedi can be good and fall to the dark side, wouldn’t it be possible for a Sith to come back to the light? Whoever said it was only a one-way trip anyways? “There’s good in him. I can feel it.”

            “Believe this, you do?” he asked.

            “Yes, master,” she said quickly. “Every time I’ve faced him, he’s had at least a dozen opportunities to kill me, but he restrains. The first time, on Kamino… the battle there was a distraction, why waste the energy to kill a padawan? Then again… why not just get me out of the way? But on Christophsis? He should have killed me. I made him mad, I asked him to turn on his master. He knocked me out, but he didn’t finish me.”

            “Curious, this is,” the grandmaster said thoughtfully.

            “There’s more…” she started, taking a deep breath and hoping this wasn’t a mistake. “He was on Zygerria to protect Dooku’s investment, I guess. When master Kenobi, Rex and Cody got caught, he stopped the guards from seeing me too. He helped me complete the mission. He even rescued me. He was the one that told me where to find them and the people of Kiros. He had every reason to leave me behind or to get me out of the way, but his help… it felt real. With the right motivation, surely we could convince him to help us?”

            “Taking a liking to you, he has,” master Yoda said after a moment.

            “I do feel like there’s a connection between us,” she admitted nervously. “Sometimes I can feel things from him.”

            “Use this, we will.”

            “But…”

            “Think on it, I must.” His words were simple, but she’d been dismissed. She got up and left the room. When the door closed behind her, she wanted to shout and throw a fit. Why had she thought the council would actually hear what she said? If they put a plan together for her to trick him in some way, any chance to get him to trust her or them would completely evaporate. She’d known it was a long shot to suggest bringing him to the light, but she was certain that was what the dreams were trying to tell her; that it was possible. And despite the Jedi, she would do whatever it took to do that. As long as she lived, she wouldn’t give up on him.


	6. Chapter 6

            He wandered the cave system trying to hold down his anger. His master said he was some Chosen One, didn’t that mean he was meant for so much more than retrieval missions? He tapped the datapad in front of him and swore. There was some kind of electrical interference in these caves. It must be all the crystal formations. There was one in particular Darth Sidious was keen to find, and supposedly was somewhere in this cave on Vanqor. But with his datapad not working properly, he had no idea how he was supposed to find it. The tunnels seemed to go on forever, deep into the mountain. He had half a mind to throw it against the wall, but then he’d have no chance of retrieving the right crystal.

            “Hey, Skyguy! Wait up,” Ahsoka shouted from somewhere back near the entrance. _Oh great, just what he needed._

            “What are you doing here?” he demanded when she got closer. He didn’t look up from his datapad. He slid off the back panel and tried wiggling some wires to get it to work properly. How had she even found him anyways? This moon was uninhabited other than one of their listening post a few clicks away. Unless the Jedi had come for that and she just happened to sense him.

            “Looking for you,” she replied simply, stopping next to him. “What are you doing?”

            He looked up from the piece of equipment and glared at her. “Don’t think because of what happened on Zygerria, we’re suddenly friends now. You’re still the enemy.”

            “Oh well…” She shifted uncomfortably and stared at her feet. “So, uh, is there another way out of this cave?” she changed the subject.

            “No, why?”

            “Because the entrance collapsed.” She chewed on her lip and he stared at her in disbelief.

            “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He almost did throw the datapad this time. “No wait, I forgot, Jedi don’t know how to have fun.” He snapped the panel back on and turned back the way they’d come. He could feel her trailing behind him. Sure enough, the large stone that held open the entrance had fallen in on itself, along with enough of the mountain, it was going to take awhile to unbury themselves. “Great, just great,” he muttered to himself and shoved the datapad into her hands, so he could try to move the heavy stones with the force.

            “I already tried that,” she said in frustration.

            “Yeah, well I’m stronger than you.” He reached into the force trying to move the pile of rocks. Several of them trembled, but nothing moved. After trying for awhile, he leaned against one of them to take a deep breath.

            “I tried to tell you.” She put her hands on her hips. He pursed his lips, grinding his teeth together. This day just kept getting worse and worse. There was a small hole at the top of the pile where light was coming in, but even from the bottom he could tell it wasn’t big enough to get through.

            He took a couple deep breaths. “Well, we might as well get cozy. It looks like we’re stuck in here together.”

            “Don’t worry, my master knows I’m in here. Once they finish fighting the battle droids, they’ll come for me,” she said, crossing her arms and sitting down. He raised his brow at her.

            “You really believe the Jedi care about you?” She looked hurt but tried to shake it off.

            “Of course they care, my master wouldn’t just leave me behind.” She hid it well, but he’d felt her doubt. “What about your master? Will they come?”

            “No, but they’ll probably send someone to get me. As long as I’m useful to them, I don’t have to worry.” He turned his back on her, pretending to look for another way out of this mess. “Besides, even if your Jedi come for you, it doesn’t do me any good. We’re on opposite sides, remember?”

            She didn’t say anything for awhile and he finally turned around to look at her. She was studying him intensely. “We don’t have to be,” she said cautiously. Part of him wanted to lash out at her. He didn’t want to go through this again. Instead he tried to play it off.

            “You really think they’ll just slap my hand and send me away with a warning?” He shook his head in annoyance. “You’re too young to understand the way the world works. You’re too naïve.”

            “I’m seventeen!” she said indignantly.

            “And you think that gives you enough life experience?” he said angrily. “You’ve lived a cushy life in a fancy temple, sheltered from the real world. Everything you’ve ever needed has been handed to you on a silver platter. You know nothing of pain or suffering or loss. You don’t understand anything!” He ripped a patch of crystals out of the wall behind him and threw them across the opening. He didn’t need some teenager telling him he could just walk away from his situation. There was no hope for him. He fought for everything he had, and it wasn’t much. She didn’t say anything for a long time as he kept picking up stones or crystals and throwing them. The Jedi order was weak, and it was the last place he wanted to go even if they’d take him in. If it was possible to get away from his master, he’d run away. Far away. Screw the war. Screw all of it! He never wanted any of this.

            “How’d you get those scars on your arm?” she asked. He stopped throwing rocks to look at her.

            “Don’t look at me like that!” he ordered.

            “Like what?” She blinked in surprise.

            “Keep the pity to yourself, I don’t want it!” He force pulled the datapad she was still holding into his hand and stormed away, deeper into the cave system. Why the hell didn’t he just kill her? She was such a pest. And now she seemed to have it in her head that he was some kind of mercy mission. Which was probably the reason she’d followed him into the cave to begin with.

            She made it seem so easy, because she didn’t have a clue. She was an optimist, clearly. But he was a realist. If it was possible to free himself, he’d have done it a long time ago. Who did she think she was? She wasn’t even a Jedi master, she was just a student. She had nothing she could offer him, and she definitely didn’t have the power to break his chains.

            He wandered the tunnels for awhile, taking his frustration out on the datapad in front of him. Thankfully she’d taken a hint and didn’t follow him, so he could at least attempt to finish his mission, even if there really was no way out of this cave. He’d told her the truth, someone would be along to fetch him if he failed to report in. And likely he’d be punished for it too. He ran his fingers over the scars she’d noticed. He hadn’t fixed his jacket after the last time, so they were visible.

            He searched the caves for several hours, not having any luck finding the crystals he’d been sent to find. He was starting to think his master had been wrong about them being here. Now that he’d cooled off some, maybe he could convince her to help him find it. Since she seems to be so eager to help. He made it back to the entrance. She was sitting on one of the bottom stones, leaning against the pile of them. Her head on her arms. He watched her for a minute, making sure she was still breathing. She seemed to have fallen asleep waiting for her master to come for her. He climbed the other side of the pile and peered out the small crack at the top. He couldn’t see anything or hear anything for that matter. He listened for awhile, but there was nothing.

            Now it was his turn to feel pity. She’d so desperately wanted to believe the Jedi cared enough to come for her. But they were no better than the Sith. They’d probably even sacrificed her in favor of trapping him, if they knew why she’d gone into the cave to begin with. If he was on the opposite side, it’s what he would have done. She was just a padawan. She wasn’t worth rescuing if it meant getting the Chosen One out of the picture.

            He slid back down the rock pile and watched her sleep. Maybe if they worked together they could get out of this mess. She shivered a little. He pulled off his jacket and set it over her. As annoyed as he was by everything that had happened today, he liked her here. Not that he dared to admit that to anyone. It was a stupid dream, but if he could run away, he’d take her with him. If she’d go, that is. He touched her softly on the cheek and then rested his hand on her shoulder. He half thought about cuddling up with her, but that was probably a bad idea. It was tempting anyways. She wasn’t that much younger than him. Even a little older than he thought she was. Not that it mattered, she wouldn’t want anything to do with him that way. And he didn’t blame her. He couldn’t offer her anything that she would want even if she wasn’t a Jedi. But her presence filled a hole in him that he thought would ache forever.

            He sighed and sat down near a blank patch of wall, picking up a stone that had sharp edges and started drawing on the wall. He didn’t pay much attention to what he was drawing, he just lost himself in the meditation of doing so. It was one of the few things in his life that brought him peace. Something no one could take from him.

            “Who is that?” she asked, and he jumped in surprise. He blinked a few times and stared at the image he’d been drawing. He grabbed his lightsaber and was about to slash through it, but she caught his wrist. “Please don’t destroy it.” He stared at her a moment, tears welling in his eyes. Then he shut it off and dropped his hands in his lap.

            “It’s my mother,” he whispered, choking on the sudden rush of emotions. It was the same picture he drew everywhere.

            She sat down next to him and leaned her head down on his shoulder. She still had his jacket around her shoulders. “She’s beautiful.” He studied her out of the corner of his eye. She was staring at the picture he’d drawn as though she could will it into life. “I don’t remember my mother,” she whispered after awhile. “What happened to her?”

            “She was killed,” he said quietly, his hand tightening into a fist. She set hers on his arm and he released it. Why did she care and why was he telling her anything?

            “I’m sorry,” she breathed. To his surprise, she slid her fingers in between his. He stared at them for awhile. He liked the way her orange skin contrasted with his own. “What was your mother like?”

            “She was amazing,” he whispered. A tear streaked down his cheek and he brushed it away with his other hand. He couldn’t do this. Not right now. Not ever. He shrugged away from her and stood up. “Come on. It looks like we have to rescue ourselves.”

            “How are we going to do that?” she asked.

            “I think together we could move enough of it to get through the top.” He leapt up on top of the largest stone, studying the pile above it. She climbed up, so she was standing next to him. “On the count of three, push with everything you got,” he instructed. He reached deep into the force, summoning the power that he knew was there. He felt her open up next to him, and it surprised him just how strong she felt. He interwove his power with hers, amazed at the potential of the two of them combined. “One… two… three.” He pushed it all at the rock wall, sending a wave of the force at the barrier in front of them. He felt her push too, power building up in both of them as the sheer force of it made the whole cave tremble around them. “Keep pushing, don’t let up!” She held it with everything she had, just like he did.

            All at once there were a bunch of loud crashes as the rocks flew away from them in every direction and landed on the ground below. Unfortunately, the quake they’d caused made the roof of the cave start to collapse. He jumped out of the hole they’d created and pulled her out behind him, just as the rest of it caved in where they’d been standing moments before. He hit the ground hard and she landed on top of him. “Whoa, that was close,” she murmured, getting to her feet and looking over the damage. He nodded and got up too, brushing himself off. “We work well together, Skyguy!” She smacked him on the arm. “I’ve never felt like that before. It was, _amazing!_ ”

            He smiled to himself at her excitement. But she was right, he’d never felt like that before either. It was like they could take on the world. That their force power fit together so perfectly it could act as one. He had no explanation for it or how it worked. He’d assumed that they’d both be hitting the rock individually at the same time, but instead they’d both hit it together with one combined blast. Maybe he was underestimating her after all. He’d sensed her potential the first time they’d gone blade to blade, but clearly the Jedi held her back and didn’t properly nurture it.

            “Uh oh,” she said suddenly, and he followed her gaze. Several ships were landing near them. _Pirates._ Just what they needed. At least pirates could be bought for the right price, and he could offer them that price. “My master must have been called to another battle.” He glanced to the side to see her chew on her lip. He didn’t want to say it, but he felt sorry for her. The Jedi didn’t deserve her at all.

            “Well, what do we have here?” a Weequay pirate strolled up to them. “You two need a lift, or are you enjoying the sights?” He gestured around at the gray stones and gray sky and really nothing at all to look at.

            “And who are you?” she asked, crossing her arms.

            “The name is Hondo.” He put out his hand for her to shake. She took it reluctantly.

            “Hondo Ohnaka?” he said and rolled his eyes.

            “The one and only,” the pirate chuckled.

            “You speak creds, so I have a proposal for you,” he started. “I will pay you handsomely to get her to the closest shuttle that can take her back to Coruscant. No pitstops, no games. And trust me, I’ll know if you don’t do it and I will hunt you down to kill you all.”

            “Ooh whoo, how much we talking? And just so you know, we don’t accept Republic credits.” He leaned forward and whispered an amount in the pirate’s ear. “You got yourself a deal.” She looked between them in surprise. “Come on, little lady. We’ve got a delivery to make.”

            “As soon as she’s on the shuttle home, return here and I’ll pay you,” he said.

            “Half up front,” Hondo said. “How do I know you’ll still be here?”

            He gestured to the nothingness around him. “Does it look like I’m going anywhere?” He dropped the unmarked credits in his hands. Hondo nodded, sliding them into his pockets and put his arm around Ahsoka to guide her onto his ship.

            She waved over her shoulder at him and he watched her go. He was going to get into so much trouble for this, but he was going to get in trouble anyways. What was a little more torture? He stared after the ships, long after they disappeared. He regretted sending her back to the Jedi that could care less about her, but his only other choice was to take her with him and that wouldn’t go well for either of them. It was bad enough he had to deal with it, she shouldn’t have to. He did laugh for a second though, the Jedi were going to be really surprised to see her if their plan was to leave her behind.


	7. Chapter 7

            “Master.” He bowed before the holoterminal. The larger than life cloaked figure of the dark lord loomed over him. “What is your bidding?”

            “Tell me, apprentice. What is this padawan to you?” his master asked and an image of her appeared in his hand.

            He tried to hide something. “She is nothing to me,” he said quickly.

            “Lies!” the mysterious Sith snarled, hitting him with force lightning through the transmission. “She has become a distraction.”

            “No, master,” he groveled. “She isn’t a threat to anything.”

            “You lack foresight, my young apprentice,” the cloaked figure growled. “There are bigger threats than power alone. To you or the Jedi she may just be a student, but to me, she endangers everything I’ve worked for. The next time you see her, you _will_ kill her, or you will face my wrath.” He was hit with another round of lightning until he fell to the floor in agony.

            “Yes, Master,” he panted. “Your will be done.”

            She sat up in bed, gasping for air. She felt around her to make sure she was still in her room at the temple. It had felt so real. Just when she’d started believing it was possible to save him, he was ordered to kill her. Would he really do it? She didn’t want to believe it, but if his torture tonight was just a punishment, she feared what the dark lord’s full wrath entailed. She should stay away from him, she’d only succeeded in getting him into trouble. But all she’d wanted was to help him, was that so terrible?

            She got up and paced her room, wearing a rut in the carpet. There was no guarantee she wouldn’t meet him again if she continued running missions with her master, so how was she supposed to stay away from him? The crazy part was, even though he’d just been ordered to kill her, all she wanted to do was run to him. She’d seen his anger before. She knew what he was capable of. She knew he could do it too. But her heart still pulled her towards him like she couldn’t give up that easily. And she feared what would happen if she let it out of the cage. 

            She shook her head in annoyance. She must have a death wish or something. She was playing with fire. She had no idea what she was doing when it came to dealing with him, but no matter how unsure she was, she still didn’t want to give up on him. The Jedi believed him lost. Even if they freed him from this Sith Lord, they were convinced he wouldn’t help them or couldn’t be trusted. In their words, he was too dangerous to be released. It was a load of hoodoo in her opinion. She really didn’t believe he was inherently evil. The tender way he’d spoken of his mother... however briefly, told her there was far more to him than what he was ordered to do. Not to mention, it didn’t sit well with her that the council would rather he stayed in bondage than be freed, simply because he _could be_ a threat. 

            She wished she could persuade the council to help him. She truly believed if they offered to protect him, he’d turn on his master. Perhaps even give them everything they’d need to end this war. Especially if what she’d just seen was how his master treated him. But after she returned to the temple last time, she’d been hesitant to talk to the council about anything that had happened in that cave. They’d tried to hide it, but she’d felt their surprise and disappointment that she’d made it back. It had been shocking and confusing. And it only further confirmed something he’d said to her, _you really believe the Jedi care about you?_

            She _had_ believed it. But she also knew that sometimes they had to sacrifice for the greater good. Maybe she’d just never expected to be one of the ones they sacrificed. It hadn’t even occurred to her that she should have kept him in that cave, even if it meant her life too. So maybe, she really didn’t know what it meant to be a Jedi and maybe the council _did_ know better than she did. And maybe she should ignore this need to go after him and focus on her studies, improving her lightsaber techniques and the war. 

            She was suddenly hungry, or maybe she just needed something to focus on besides him. She headed towards the cafeteria but changed her mind halfway there. The Sith Lord had said she was a threat to everything he’d been working for. That must mean she was close to breaking through with him. If he was essential to his master’s plan, losing him could turn the war in the Republic’s favor, with or without him helping the Jedi. He’d told his master she was nothing to him, but his master hadn’t believed him. If he _did_ have feelings for her, like master Yoda had said... she had to risk it. The Jedi had been willing to sacrifice her to stop him, who would care if she did the same?

            It was impulsive and foolish but ignoring this opportunity didn’t sit well with her at all. She was going to save him, or she was going to die trying. If she had a target on her back anyways, did it matter when it happened? She’d rather die trying to bring down the Sith Lord pulling all the strings, than run a thousand battles and still lose. Besides, her master is always telling her to trust her instincts, and her instincts were screaming at her to go to him. 

            She raced past the hanger guard and aboard the first ship she came to that had a hyperdrive. She had it flying in a matter of seconds and was zooming out of the hanger towards the atmosphere. She didn’t really know where to find him, but first, she had to get away from Coruscant. Once sure she wasn’t being pursued, she could turn her attention on locating him. She jumped the ship a short distance and then pulled out. Nobody had gone after her, which surprised her, but she wasn’t used to breaking the rules and she had to be careful. Though she probably should have told somebody where she was going, not that they’d come to rescue her if she did.

            She set the ship to drift as she kneeled down to meditate. It felt like he was calling to her, but maybe it was her own desire to find him that made it feel that way. She sunk into the force, reaching for him. It wasn’t long before she was able to follow her feeling to the source and she was on her feet, resetting the nav computer. A few short hours later, she came out of hyperspace and scanned a ship that was similarly adrift as hers had been for awhile. The feeling she’d been following had led her here. She studied the ship as she got closer. It was some kind of corvette, but an unfamiliar design. She docked with it and opened the airlock.

            She felt a little uneasy as she stepped aboard. The darkness was oppressive. She could feel the echoes of pain and suffering. She felt hatred. So much hatred. She had to get him out of this. A life steeped in this was no life at all. She moved cautiously down the corridors wondering why she wasn’t meeting any kind of resistance. Sure, he was powerful, but it was never a good idea to believe you could take on anything and everything alone.

            In the center of the ship, she found a large empty room, probably a cargo hold of some kind. She glanced around still waiting for the inevitable trap, but there was only him. He was kneeling in the center, his back to the door she’d come through. He appeared to be deep in meditation, but she could feel the waves of hatred as they radiated off him. It was the same feeling she’d followed here.

            “You’re more foolish than I thought,” he said after a moment. “I knew you’d come, but alone? Didn’t the Jedi teach you better than that?”

            “You don’t have to do this,” she started as he got to his feet, turned to face her and ignited his lightsaber. “I felt your pain, let me help you.”

            “Do you think I’m foolish enough to let you in? I sent you that vision to lure you here. I used your pity against you. Jedi are so predictable.” He spun his lightsaber in his hand and brought it forward, preparing for a battle. She still hadn’t grabbed hers.

            “Are you really going to kill me?” she asked, trying to shake the weight of his admission. She’d fallen right into a trap. How could she have been so stupid? If her master were here, he’d lecture her on acting on her emotions instead of clarity. But she’d been so sure…

            “I have to.” He leapt towards her and she finally grabbed her lightsabers, barely rolling out of the way. She ignited them and swept low. He easily dodged her attack and brought his down.

            “No, you don’t!” she cried after barely getting out of the way in time.

            “You’re a threat!” he snarled, and she gasped internally. There was no sign of the tenderness she’d seen glimpses of before. She flipped backwards and swung at him as he pursued.

            “Did your master tell you why I’m a threat?” she asked, finding an opportunity to push him back. He looked back up at her, his eyes flashing dangerous; no hint of humor and mischief.

            “It doesn’t matter!” He charged at her and she danced out of the way.

            “But it does, Anakin! Listen to me!” she begged. He made no sign that he was going to slow down. Every strike had the intention of death behind it. She was surprised she’d even lasted this long. If he didn’t listen to reason though, she was a goner for sure. “He needs you, for whatever he’s planning. If you turn on him, you’ll end this war,” she grunted whenever she could find moments in their fight to talk. “If you stop fighting, we can bring him down. Even if you won’t let the Jedi help you, you’ll be free of him! He won’t be able to hurt you again.”

            He didn’t answer, he continued to fight. He swept towards her left side like he’d done on Christophsis and she flipped her lightsaber forward and blocked his strike. The very move he’d instructed her in before that she’d practiced every chance she got. His anger let up for just a moment and she felt his surprise. But he grit his teeth and threw himself back into the fight.

            “Maybe I don’t know how the dark side works, but there has to be a way to escape him!” she pressed further, trying to wear him down. She silently begged him to hear her as she spun around. He blocked her top strike, then her bottom. She didn’t want to fight him, but she was fighting for her life. And his. “I might be just a student, but I’ll help you.” She ducked under his slash. “You felt our combined power, you know what we can do. Together, we could stop him.”

            She glanced at his face after watching his blades for so long. There were tears in his eyes, but not sadness, only rage. But she saw something in his eyes, for a brief moment he’d considered it. She didn’t know what else to say, but he gave no sign of slowing down. She fumbled a block while she’d been distracted, and he sliced a sizable gash up her left arm. She lost her grip on the saber and spun the other into the forward grip, reaching to take it to fight with both hands. She clenched her teeth as pain throbbed through her elbow and up into her shoulder. She was never strong with form five and seconds later he disarmed her completely. She went flying back into the wall unable to stop the force of his blast.

            She blinked up at him sadly as he loomed over her. This was it. This was how she was going to die. She really believed she could help him, how had she been so wrong? “Everyone wants to use you,” she whispered. “Except me.” She swallowed hard as he kept coming. “All I want is to free you. I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

            She closed her eyes as he started to swing the death blow, trying to make peace with it. She felt it coming in the force. She could hear it as it disturbed the air around it. And then it stopped, right by her head. It was hot and it hadn’t even touched her yet. She looked up at him. His eyes were unfocused, a tear rolled unchecked down his cheek. His muscles trembled as he appeared to be fighting a battle with himself; trying to resist what he was told to do.

            She risked standing up, and he turned his golden eyes back on her. He watched her, still holding the lightsaber close to her in a threatening manner. But she’d already made peace with whatever was about to happen. She stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning into his chest. The lightsaber never moved, but neither did he. It felt like she was hugging a rock, he was so tense. Every ripple of agony, sorrow, loss, pain, poured over her the moment she’d made contact. She took it all, pulling it on herself, attempting to give him all the comfort she could.

            “Get out,” he ordered.

            “But…”

            “Go!” he growled. She hesitated a moment too long and he brought the lightsaber so close to her face, an inch further and it would burn her nose off. She ducked under his arm, summoned her own sabers to her hand and took off running back to her ship.

            She moved on autopilot as she detached, set the navcomputer and turned back towards Coruscant. The moment the ship jumped into hyperspace, she fell back against the chair and sobbed. She pulled her injured arm towards her and brought up her knees.

            She’d failed. She thought for sure they could walk away from this. That everything she’d been feeling from him meant something, meant that she could save him. Maybe he really was lost. Maybe the council was right about everything. She stared blankly at the stars, sinking into despair. Yeah, she’d been trying to stop him, but she’d spoken only truth to him. If he turned on his master, the war would end, and he’d be free. It was what he desired the most, so why hadn’t he listened?


	8. Chapter 8

            He dodged the training droid’s blast, rolled to the side and slashed wide. He didn’t really need to practice, but he was always so bored he had to find some way to pass the time. The radio buzzed in and out in the background. He wasn’t really listening to the holonews, but it was nice to have some noise in this imposed isolation. He spun around, deflecting more bolts and then he heard her name. One of the blasts hit him in the arm when he’d stopped to listen. He cursed and threw his lightsaber at it, slicing the droid in half. He rubbed his arm where it was stinging and moved over to the radio.

            She’d been arrested apparently, for bombing the Jedi temple. He rolled his eyes. He didn’t even know her that well, but he knew she was innocent. She was too _good_ to do something like that. Well at least in prison he wouldn’t have to worry about her getting in the way of his missions anymore. He sat back against the seat and stared at the wall blankly. It had been several months since she’d met him on his ship. He shrugged his shoulders and tried to ease the tension out of his bones. He had plenty of scars from that failure. He’d known when he ordered her to leave that he’d be punished for sparing her. And he had been. One of the rare times he actually got to be face to face with his master turned into unimaginable pain. He’d only been on one mission since then, but he supposed he deserved it. Why would his master trust him? He’d let a stupid padawan get in the way of all his plans.

            So, she was in jail now, good riddance. Maybe now his master would let him get back into the fight. He started to scoot out but missed the edge of the seat and fell onto the floor, staring at the radio in disbelief. She was sentenced to death for it? He got to his feet slowly and started pacing. Wrongfully imprisoned was one thing, but put to death? He knew the Jedi could be cold, but that was just… his hands clenched into a fist. Sidious was behind this, he was sure of it. He’d failed to kill her when ordered so his master was trying to get her out of the picture. His blood started boiling. He punched the wall so hard he left a sizable dent in the metal. He ignored his bleeding knuckles.

            Who cared if she was a threat? She was his and he wasn’t going to watch her be put down like that. He was angry at the Jedi, but even more so at his master. He marched towards the bridge and started the engines. If what she said was true, that if he turned on his master, the war would end he’d be free… then he was damn well going to end this war. He didn’t know if Ahsoka was worth the pain of trying to break free, but he didn’t want to lose the only person that cared. Even if he doubted she could do any of the things she promised. But maybe disillusioned with the Jedi, she’d finally let him train her. After their last fight, he couldn’t stop thinking about how she’d taken his instruction to heart. Her skills had improved dramatically because of the things he’d shown her. If she was willing to use that potential, maybe they _would_ have a chance at bringing down Sidious.

            Of course, _if_ he managed to convince her to come with him, they’d be on the run from both sides for awhile. He looked up at the stars and swallowed. Breaking away from Sidious wasn’t going to be as easy as disobeying his orders to not only stay put, but also taking her out from under him. It would be a long hard fight, and he really hoped she was ready for it. He’d felt her honesty when she’d said she wanted to help him, but he doubted she knew just what she was getting into.

            At least thanks to his master, he knew just where the prison complex was on Coruscant. He didn’t really have a plan, but he knew exactly what he wanted to do. He got up to go retrieve his lightsaber. He just hoped he got there in time. He hadn’t been far away since he’d been on standby, but knowing his master, he’d want her out of the way as soon as possible. He really hoped he knew what he was doing.

            He pulled the ship out of hyperspace but made no effort to slow down as he aimed the ship towards the prison complex. He locked the navigation, so it would fly on autopilot in a collision course with the building. He fired the canons at the turrets and then he ran to the back of the ship and opened the loading ramp. He felt the wind rush past him and took a deep breath. Seconds before it crashed, he leapt from the ship, flipped and landed softly on the tarmac. The explosion rocked the whole mesa and he was on the move.

            He had his lightsaber out, dodging or blocking anything that was fired at him. But most of the path was clear for the first stretch since his ship had taken out the majority of the guard forces or at least made them take cover. He lunged forward, disappearing into the smoking building. Alarms were blaring. He was deep in the force following his instincts to her. He skidded around a corner near a guard post and leapt forward into the group of clones. He didn’t even hesitate taking them out. He cut through the glass and jumped through, looking for her cell. He also saw her lightsabers and grabbed them, shoving them in his pocket. He saw troops mobilizing and heading in his direction so he kicked down the door and kept moving.

            Several corridors later, and more dead clones, he found her. She was standing on the other side of the ray shield, her eyes wide. He cut the controls to the shield and it faded. “What are you doing here?” she asked in surprise.

            “I’m rescuing you,” he said.

            “Why?”

            “That’s a question I’m not ready to ask myself. Now come on, unless you’d rather sit here in jail.” He threw her the lightsabers and turned to block the incoming fire. The blast doors started closing and he turned to run in the opposite direction, her right on his heels. They looped around, back to the guard post, barely slipping through the closing doors.

            She looked around at all the dead bodies. “Did you kill them?” she asked in confusion, looking up at him searchingly.

            “Yes.”

            “But…”

            He spun on her and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Listen to me,” he said angrily. “There’s a bigger world out there that you’re not seeing. Beyond the cushy walls of the temple there is pain and death. No one out there will show you mercy, not even the Jedi the next time you face them. Sorry to shatter your innocent view of the universe, but out there, past the war, it’s kill or be killed. And if you want to survive what’s coming, you have to stop thinking like a Jedi.”

            “But I don’t want to think like a Sith,” she said in annoyance and crossed her arms. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. Why had he thought she’d just come along without questions? She seemed to have no concept of survive first, ask later.

            “Then don’t,” he replied simply and pointed to the security cameras showing several legions of troops headed their way. “I’m risking my skin to save yours, are you coming or not? Unless you didn’t mean those things you said?”

            “Of course I did!” she said indignantly.

            “Then you have a choice to make; stay here and be put to death by the people you’ve fought for and trusted or come with me. It’s your choice, but you better make it fast. We’re running out of time.” He glared at her, his tension mounting as he felt the danger rising. Her stupid questions were going to get them both killed.

            She curled her lips trying to hide her anxiety and finally nodded. He turned down the hall to the right and started running. She was behind him, but he could feel her uncertainty about what they were doing. “But if I kill them, then I _am_ guilty…” she murmured.

            “Does it matter? You’ve already been sentenced to death from what I heard,” he called back to her. “Staying here won’t prove your innocence.”

            “But…” She didn’t have a chance to finish her thought as the front door opened to a legion of clones with their guns pointed at them. He charged forward into them, blocking blasts and cutting them down. He dodged and weaved, knocking some down and slashing through others.

            “Fight or die!” he yelled at her. She hesitated a moment longer and then finally ran forward to help.

            “Do we have to kill them? Can’t we just knock them out or something?” He ducked under a punch and flipped the person that threw it then he turned to stare at her.

            “These people have been ordered to kill you on sight and you still won’t defend yourself? Well fine, if you want to risk your life showing mercy, go for it. But I don’t want to die.” He dispatched the rest of them and started towards the pipeline, thankful he’d taken out the turrets before crashing his ship. Though right now, his ship would be really useful.

            Free of pursuers for the moment, he stopped to start cutting a hole into the sewer pipe. Underground was their only chance at getting away right now. He felt something and looked up to see Kenobi headed their way with another handful of clones. _Oh great_. He glanced behind him. She was ten yards away, but she’d completely frozen the moment her master had appeared. Her fear rose and her shame. Despite the Jedi turning on her, she still cared what they thought of her. She had a lot to learn about the real world.

            He reached into the force and pulled her into his arms. She grabbed him in surprise as he glared at the Jedi master and jumped down into the pipes. He had to practically drag her along as they raced through the sewers. He’d seen the disappointment from Kenobi, and he knew it was weighing on her. But as far as he was concerned, her master didn’t have any right to be disappointed in her since his very order sold her out to death.

            He was the only one that seemed to care about her fate, even more than she appeared to care about it. They ran deep underground, taking turns and working hard to lose the people following them. They ran for a long time, even after they stopped hearing anyone following. When they reached the core, he grabbed her and jumped down onto a descending cargo ship. They finally paused for a moment to catch their breaths.

            She looked up at him, she was scared, but he could feel the hurt too. The residual stinging betrayal of what they’d done to her. If he thought he could turn her to the dark side, he’d tell her to use that pain. But he wasn’t even going to try to. He pulled her against him and she buried her face in his chest, trying to breathe. He felt like he should say something to reassure her, but he didn’t know what. He had no idea what the future held either. So, for the moment, he just appreciated the way she felt against him. And when she finally let go, he looked around. They were approaching a platform that had a ship on it. It wasn’t fancy, but it might be enough to get them off Coruscant.

            He pointed to it and then used the force to leap to it. She landed beside him and he took her hand as they ran up inside. People shouted at them from the landing platform as he started the ship and took off. Thankfully no one was on the ship and they were able to fly up without any problems. He set the vector to leave the atmosphere and jumped the moment they were clear. He glanced over at her as she stared straight ahead. She was so quiet as she struggled to grasp the situation they were now in. They were both on the run from their masters. They were both abandoning their posts. But for the first time since Sidious had enslaved him, he felt… _hope_ …

            “My master was right,” he said after a moment. She turned to look at him, her lips curled nervously. “You _were_ a threat to everything. Look what I just did to rescue you.”


	9. Chapter 9

            She watched him nervously out of the corner of her eye. It wasn’t that she hadn’t meant any of what she’d said to him before, it was just... she’d hoped if he were to take her up on her offer they could go back to the Jedi temple rather than be alone with him out here. She blinked slowly and went back to watching the stars streak by. But there was no going back. Not now. 

            It wasn’t that she’d wanted to be put to death, but maybe she’d hoped the Jedi would prove her innocent and stop it before it happened. That had been her best-case scenario. Worst case had been, they didn’t, and she  _was_  put to death anyways. In fact, in all the possible scenarios she’d imagined, he hadn’t been in any of them. And yet here he was.  _He’d_  rescued her. After the last time they’d met, she had no idea why. She’d failed to turn him to the light. She’d failed to get him to stop fighting and she’d definitely failed to get him back to the Jedi temple. So why had he come for her? Did he hope he could turn her too? Did he think that she was truly guilty of those crimes and if so, he had hope she could be made to give into the darkness?

            “It’s not that I’m not grateful that you rescued me...” she started.

            “A simple ‘thank you’ would be enough,” he interrupted, as he got up to work on something near the back of the cockpit. 

            She peered around the chair to watch him. He was clearly distracted by whatever it was he was doing, so maybe now wasn’t the time to ask anyways. “Thank you,” she murmured and went back to staring out the front window. 

            “You’re welcome.” She listened to him work feeling as though she should probably offer to help, but still numb about everything. He’d rescued her but look at the cost of it. So many dead clones. The whole prison complex practically destroyed. If any other prisoners had survived, that meant they’d likely escaped and could now go back to being a problem. Her master had seen her leave with him, so likely he believed she really was guilty now. That is, if he hadn’t already believed that. She could no longer help with the war. She was alone with someone she was still scared of... how could things get any worse?

            The lights flickered on and off, and all the navigation tools started going haywire.  _Oh great._  Why’d she have to ask how things could get worse?

            “Perfect,” he said, dropping back into the pilot seat. She couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not. “Hang on.”

            She gripped the arms of the chair as he switched off the autopilot and took over manual control. The ship shuddered violently as he spun hard, dropping them out of hyperspace. She closed her eyes, so she wouldn’t be sick as he fought to get control of it. “What happened?” she asked. 

            “Oh nothing,” he joked casually. “But I have to make it look good.”

            “Look good? Why?”

            “You’ll see.” He winked at her and continued fighting to slow the ship. After a few minutes of violent weaving, he worked it to a stop. As soon as he let go to let it drift, all the power went off. A small red light near the transmitter blinked ominously. 

            “We need to restore power,” she said and reached forward to work the controls.

            “No.” He was on his feet again.

            “But the life support systems?”

            “We’ve got a few hours, that’s all we’ll need.”

            “Need for what?”

            “Do you ever stop asking questions?” he muttered in annoyance.

            “Not when my life depends on it,” she replied stubbornly.

            “Funny, but after what I went through to rescue you, do you really think I’m going to just let us die out here in the middle of nowhere?” He crossed his arms.

            “I don’t know what to think about any of it.”

            “The answer to that was no. No, I’m not just going to let us die out here. Now come on.” He started heading to the cockpit door. “They’ll be along soon.”

            “Who?” He ignored her question and went to work prying the doors open. She stared at the blinking red light again for a moment. The distress beacon. But who had he called for help? It seemed risky to put it on when so many people would be chasing them now. She was on her feet too, following him. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing, but she still didn’t know his intentions and wasn’t exactly ready to trust him yet. Sure, maybe he had no intention of letting them die, but there could be worse things than death. For all she knew, this could be a trick too. Maybe he’d purposely done all that horrible stuff to rescue her, so the Jedi lost all faith in her and now he was taking her back to his Sith master. Maybe they’d torture her for all the Jedi plans or strategies and base locations? And here she was, just going along with it. So, when was he going to double cross her? He’d already tricked her before, luring her to his ship so he could destroy her. 

            And no, maybe he hadn’t actually done that, but still. She didn’t like just following him with no certainty as to what he was up to. “You might not be talking out loud,” he said suddenly. “But I can still hear you, you know? Your feelings give you away.” He appeared in front of her again and she sucked in a breath. He was so tall and intimidating, and in the dark, frankly he was scary. 

            “I’m just, uh...”

            “Scared.” He crossed his arms. 

            “No!” she replied stubbornly.

            “Right.” He rolled his eyes. “And I’m Jabba the Hutt.”

            “Okay fine. Yes. I’m scared.” She put her hands on her hips. “You would be too if you were floating helpless in the middle of nowhere with someone who not long ago had tried to kill you. Who now refused to tell you anything they were doing so you couldn’t even have peace of mind that things were going to be alright. On top of that...” He took her chin in his hand and before she could process it, he leaned down and kissed her. 

            She stared at him in surprise. It wasn’t like the first time, when he’d clearly been playing with her or trying to break her cool. This time was deeper, like he was using the kiss to communicate something really important. After a few minutes, he released her. “Peace is a lie,” he whispered. “But there you go. Insurance.” 

            She blinked at his back as he turned around and walked away. She ran her fingers across her lips. Insurance maybe, but definitely not peace of mind. She’d felt nothing but honesty in the kiss. He’d rescued her because he had feelings for her. Now she had a completely different set of worries going through her brain. “Okay fine,” she said, catching up with him. “I’ll stop asking questions for now, but will you please tell me why you just killed the power?”

            “That’s a question,” he shrugged his shoulders and turned his golden eyes back on her. 

            “Yeah, but...” He put his fingers to her lips. 

            “Do you feel that?” he asked. 

            She tried to reach her senses beyond the way he felt so close to her. Something was coming. “Yes.”

            “Right on schedule,” he said and started climbing the ladder towards the airlock. 

            “On schedule for what?”

            “So much for not asking questions,” he called down to her as he looped one arm around a rung of the ladder and reached across the space to cut a hole in the wall with his lightsaber. 

            “Sorry,” she said nervously. “I can’t help it.” She felt uneasy about whatever it was that was coming. Especially since he’d been expecting it. 

            “I’ve noticed.” She stepped out of the way as the piece of metal he’d cut, dropped down the shaft. “Get up here.” She was about to ask why and managed to stop herself. She climbed the ladder behind him. He pointed to the hole he’d just cut into the ventilation duct. She didn’t bother asking. “Feet first,” he said when she was about to dive in. It was awkward, and she had to grab him in order to not lose her balance backing in. Once she was in, he kicked his feet in and scooted after her. She backed up further, so she didn’t get kicked in the face. Then he used the force to pull the metal he’d cut out back into place. She almost asked what they were doing but fell silent when she heard the unmistakable sound of a ship docking with theirs. Then the hiss as the airlock sealed and the door opened.

            She couldn’t see anything except his boots and his butt, since he practically filled the duct. He wasn’t large by any means, but he had broad shoulders. She closed her eyes to listen.

            “Ship is empty, captain,” came a slurred voice. _Pirates_. “It looks like they abandoned it.”

            “Get it repaired, and we’ll add it to our fleet,” a crackly voice replied. Must have been through a holo transmission. But she recognized the voice. She looked up and he glanced over his shoulder at her. 

 _You ready?_  He mouthed to her. She shrugged. It would be easier to say ‘yes’ if she knew what she was supposed to be ready for. He pushed out the metal wall and grabbed the ladder and started climbing. She was right behind him, climbing as fast as she could. Once they were on the pirate ship he looked down the shaft at the two weequay pirates now looking up at them in confusion. “Thanks for the ship!” he called as he slammed the button closing the airlock and hitting the manual release.

            She watched them scramble up the ladder and pound on the small glass as the ship fell away. She ducked at the sound of blaster fire behind them and spun around. He leapt over her and sliced through the three pirates that were firing at them. Then he disappeared for a few minutes. She stared at the dead bodies on the floor, feeling sick again. If she could make any difference with him at all it would be trying to convince him to stop killing _everything_. 

            He came back around the corner a few minutes later and clipped his lightsaber back to his belt.    “The ship is ours.” He grabbed the shoulders of one of the pirates he’d killed and started dragging it towards the back. “Help me with these, unless you want our new ship to smell like rotting corpses.” 

            “Did you have to kill them?” she asked, turning up her nose but going over to help anyways. 

            “You know that’s another question, right? I think I’m going to carry around a jar and make you put credits in it every time you ask a question. I’d be filthy rich in a week.” He disappeared again and then came back a minute later to pick up the third pirate. 

            “It was a legitimate question,” she called after him. 

            He peeked his head back around the corner and smirked at her. “But still a question!”

            She shook her head in annoyance. Why did she have to say she wasn’t going to ask any more questions? Now he was purposely not going to answer any of them. “So why did we steal a pirate ship?”

            He reappeared and leaned on the doorframe and looked her over. “If I answer you will you stop talking for awhile?”

            “Um, maybe,” she said. 

            He waved his hand and floated the pirate body she’d hardly moved, down the hallway and into the little room he’d put the others in. Then he closed the inner door and opened the outer one. They both watched the three bodies swept out into space and then he closed the door again. He brushed past her towards the cockpit and started it up. She sat down next to him, watching him expectantly, waiting for answers.

            He sighed after a moment and jumped them to hyperspace. “In the off chance that anybody tracked our departure in the other ship, we needed to ditch it. Easiest way was to set off the distress beacon, because you know, pirates can’t resist coming to the rescue of helpless victims.” He rolled his eyes. 

            “So, we steal their ship instead, shake anyone that’s been on our trail.” 

            “Pirates aren’t going to report their missing ship. Even if they recognized us, they’re currently stranded without power. So, if they can’t get the life support system back online...”

            “You’re cruel, you know that, right?” she muttered.

            He shrugged his shoulders. “Nope, I just live in the real world, not Jedi delusions.”

            “The Jedi are not delusional,” she said indignantly. 

            “Right,” he whispered. She was about to argue further but fell silent. She’d felt something in his whisper, like a deeply hidden crack breaking open. A fissure of emotion he couldn’t clamp down quick enough. What had the Jedi done to him? “I’m going to go meditate,” he said before she could ask. She watched him go and swallowed hard. 

            She wanted to go after him, but maybe she wasn’t ready to hear the truth. Because she had the strongest feeling, she wasn’t going to like what she heard. And that it was going to further shatter her faith in the order that had raised her. She didn’t think they were inherently bad, just maybe a bit misguided. Though she did wonder if she could ever forgive the council for throwing her out like that. She didn’t know anymore. Maybe he was right. Maybe she didn’t really understand the real world.

            He’d probably left to get away from her, but she couldn’t stay away. There was something about the way he’d changed when she said that… she couldn’t let it rest. She found him in a small room on his knees. She felt the darkness, but not the same hatred she’d felt when she’d found him meditating before. This time it felt, _pained…_

            She knelt down in front of him, trying to be as quiet as possible, but he’d likely felt her presence anyways. She stared down at the floor feeling stupid, but then she noticed the dried blood on the knuckles of his right hand. Before she could overthink it, she reached out and took it in her hands. She wet her fingers and ran them over the cuts, trying to clean it away. She only managed to smear it further. She sighed and dropped them into her lap, running her thumb over the back of his hand. She felt bumps under the dark fabric he wore around his palms. Her curiosity piqued, she started unwrapping it, surprised to see scars running in every direction. She pushed up his sleeve and saw them continue up his arms.

            She looked up at his face, surprised to see him watching her. She scooted closer, swallowing as she followed the scars all the way up past his elbow. Some of them looked self-inflicted, but there were others… burns, like from a lightsaber. She leaned forward and pushed his jacket off his shoulders, so she could roll up the sleeves of his shirt. She felt tears well in her eyes at just how many riddled his body. This time she didn’t have to ask, she already knew who was responsible for them. She took his face in her hands and ran her thumb across one on his cheek and the one down his right eye. She leaned her forehead against his.

            “Never again,” she whispered, and his lip trembled. “As long as I live, I will never let him touch you again.”

            “I appreciate the thought,” he started.

            “A simple ‘thank you’ would suffice,” she retorted, just like he’d said to her earlier. He didn’t say anything for a moment.

            “Thank you,” he said finally. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight. This time he didn’t hold a lightsaber to her head. This time he didn’t threaten her. This time he didn’t feel like a rock. He just dropped his head onto her shoulder and let her hold him. She didn’t know if she could do what she promised, but she was damn well going to try. Nobody deserved this torture. Nobody deserved to be treated like they didn’t matter. And maybe she was young and naïve and didn’t fully understand the real world and what it was like, but she knew that. She knew this was wrong and she was going to do everything in her power to stop it from happening again.


	10. Chapter 10

            He jumped to his feet and headed out of the room. He didn’t like being vulnerable. And whether they were going to have to learn to trust each other or not, he wasn’t ready to let her in. As it was, she slipped past his defenses way too easily, and he was going to have to do something about that. 

            He appreciated that she cared, it was a welcome change, but he couldn’t stand her endless questions. This was going to be a long exile if he didn’t find a way to shut her up occasionally. After what he went through to rescue her, he didn’t want to just abandon her somewhere. Though admittedly, the idea had appeal.

            He’d be faster alone. Stealthier. He could disappear easier. He could hop ships without having to explain everything all the time. But knowing Sidious... nowhere would ever be safe, no matter how careful he was. His master had eyes and ears everywhere. Which meant, his only hope lay with her. 

            He turned around and leaned back against a crate when he felt her in the doorway. He crossed his arms waiting for her inevitable questions to start up again. But to his surprise, she didn’t say anything. She looked as though she wanted to but she somehow managed to restrain herself. He looked her over. She didn’t look like much. He could feel her power, but it was muted again. Not like it had been in the cave. She had so much potential, but the Jedi order had held her back. 

            “Here’s the deal, Snips,” he said finally. “We’re now fugitives. There’s nowhere to go that’s going to be safe. If we’re going to change that, we have one hell of a fight ahead of us. You need to decide if you’re up for it.”

            “I am,” she said simply. “All I want is you to be straight with me. No lying, no tricks, no manipulation. Do that, and you’ve got yourself a partner.” 

            He raised his eyebrow at her. She was serious. Why had he expected her to get cold feet, or beg to get off this crazy ship? Probably because that’s what any normal person would have done. But she wasn’t normal. He’d known that from the first time he’d met her. She had the eyes of a Jedi, but the soul of a survivor. And survivors, do whatever it takes. She hadn’t even asked him to stop being a Sith. That was probably the most surprising aspect of her terms, because that wasn’t very Jedi-like. 

            “No lying, no tricks, no manipulation,” he repeated, putting out his hand. She studied him for a moment and then she came forward and shook it. So, this was it? He was on the run with a Jedi. Not at all what he’d imagined a week ago. Her hand was warm and soft in his, he liked the way it felt.

            She let go and walked over to one of the crates and pried off the lid. “There might be useful stuff in here,” she said. “Supplies we could use or goods we could sell for credits.”

            “Now you’re thinking like a pirate,” he smirked.

            “Nope, just a desperate person trying to survive.”

            “Same thing,” he muttered. “Pirates just have more fun doing it.” He opened the crate he’d been leaning on and started digging through it. It was full of useless garbage as far as he was concerned. He moved over to the crate next to her. 

            “How did you...” she started.

            “No,” he interrupted. “You’ve reached your question limit for the day. Besides, it’s my turn.”

            “But you didn’t answer any of them.” She put her hands on her hips. 

            “Unanswered questions are still questions. And you’ve asked way too many,” he smirked at her. She looked like she was about to argue and then dropped her shoulders and looked defeated. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think she was pouting. “How did you end up a Jedi?”

            She bit her lip, looking unsure for a moment. Then she put the lid back on the crate she’d been looking through and climbed on it. “When I was three, a woman came into my village. She claimed she was a Jedi and was looking for force sensitive children to take back to the temple and train as Jedi. This was a big honor for my people, because we weren’t found very often, so I was paraded in front of her and was asked to show off what I could do. For whatever reason, I didn’t like this woman, nor did I trust her. I refused to go with her. We found out later she was a bounty hunter, not a Jedi at all. Not long after that, Master Plo found his way to our village. Again, he claimed he was a Jedi looking for force sensitive children to train. My people didn’t trust him after what had happened with the bounty hunter. He was scary looking too, a kel dor. The woman had been very beautiful, someone you would have believed could be one of the mystical Jedi. But I liked him instantly and wanted to go with him, so he took me back to Coruscant.”

            “Did you ever see your parents again?” he asked curiously.

            “Of course not,” she said. “Once we’re chosen to be Jedi, we go home to the temple and are trained. It’s a full-time commitment to serve the Republic.”

            “And you’re okay with that? Being taken from your family and forced to serve others?”

            “It’s an honor to serve.”

            He shook his head. “They take you from your parents and brainwash you to follow their traditional way of life. They teach you nothing about the real world, only stagnant philosophy and detachment. Sounds like a wonderful honor.” He went back to digging through crates.

            “Sure, when you put it like that, it doesn’t sound very great,” she said stubbornly. “But that’s not what it was like at all. Maybe we’re taken from our real family, but the Jedi are a family too. A family of people like me. They raise you, they take care of you. They teach you a great many things; how to fight, you get a good education, you learn how to control your talents, how to serve the people and do good things. The tradeoff is worth it.”

            “Some family,” he muttered under his breath. “Yeah, they teach you idealism. They teach you the way they think the world should be, but not the way it is. They also teach you to defend their actions even when you know they’re wrong.” She opened her mouth and then closed it again. “Come on, Snips. Tell me they’re perfect. Tell me they did everything right. Tell me that they threw you out because you were family to them. Tell me they believed you when you told them you were innocent. Tell me they let the corrupt Republic senate decide your fate out of the goodness of their hearts. Tell me.” He curled his fingers. “Tell me you really believed they’d come rescue you. If that’s what you traded everything for, you should demand a refund.”

            “I wouldn’t expect a Sith to understand!” she exclaimed and crossed her arms.

            “You’re right, I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I ever wanted to be one of them,” he said in annoyance and glared at her. She jumped off the crate her fists in a ball. He waited for her to argue and to rant; to hopelessly defend their actions despite what they’d done to her.

            “Tell me how they hurt you. I’m not asking,” she said through gritted teeth.

            “You don’t need to know.” He took the lid off another crate and threw it. She ducked under it and marched up to him.

            “Yes, I do,” she said, grabbing his arm. He almost snarled at her. “Tell me.”

            “If I tell you, will you leave me alone?” he asked angrily. She dropped her hand and stepped backwards.

            “It seems to me you’ve been alone too long already,” she whispered. He didn’t know what it felt like to be stabbed, but he imagined it would have felt like the way her words had gone straight through him. And rather than make you bleed it just freezes you for a moment, making your blood run cold. Until the only thing you can think about as you die are memories. He tried to summon his anger. He tried to summon his hatred. But he couldn’t. He was swamped in pain and sorrow instead. The room spun for a moment and he grabbed for something to stop from falling.

            He hit his back on a crate behind him and slid to the floor. She was leaning over him, looking concerned. Her face blurred before him as tears welled in his eyes. He felt her take his hand and hold it tight as she knelt down next to him.

            “Please tell me,” she said. His head cleared after a few minutes and he looked her over, then he squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed hard. She was never going to let it rest until he did.

            “Fine,” he grumbled wishing he could just push her away or close her out. But whether he liked it or not, he needed her. She had the power to help him stop Sidious, but until she learned how to use it, they wouldn’t have a chance. Right now though, she was the only one even willing to help him, so what choice did he have? Maybe telling her was the only way to get her to stop worshipping the Jedi. He pursed his lips for a moment and then sighed. “When I was a boy, these two Jedi and a queen showed up on Tatooine. They were looking for a new hyperdrive for their ship, but they couldn’t afford it because Republic credits are useless on Hutt worlds. I offered them my pod I’d been building for over a year. I told them they could put a wager on me in the upcoming pod race. They could bet the pod that would be worth five hyperdrive engines after I won the race. The older Jedi told me I was strong in the force. He said I was some chosen one and he wanted to take me back to Coruscant to train me. And I wanted to go, because I thought being a Jedi meant I could make things better for everyone. So, I went out there believing if I won this race, it was my ticket to freedom. That my entire future hinged on it. These Jedi would take me and my mom away from Tatooine, away from a life of slavery.”

            “You lost the race?” she asked. He wanted to be annoyed with her, but he didn’t have the energy, so he just shook his head.

            “I won the race. They traded the pod for a new hyperdrive and then they left, promising they’d come back for me. But they never did. The queen had been horrified that slavery still existed, but she never came back either. I can only assume they all forgot about the slave boy on Tatooine. I meant nothing to them, even as this chosen one. A year later, this horrible creature showed up. He had red skin with black tattoos and horns on his head. He forced his way into the shop and threatened Watto to release my mother and I. He carried a lightsaber like the Jedi, but he wore only black, and his blades were red like his skin. Fearing for his life, Watto let us go with this crazy man. I didn’t know who he was or where we were going, but at least we were free and being taken from Tatooine.”

            “Maul,” she murmured, and he nodded.

            “He took us before Darth Sidious. He told me he wanted to train me in the ways of the Sith. I didn’t know what that meant, but I didn’t like the sound of it, so I refused.” He clenched his teeth as pain overwhelmed him again. “So, he tortured my mother in front of me, through a holotransmission. I begged him to stop. I promised I’d serve him as long as he didn’t hurt her. Whenever I disobeyed or didn’t do what he believed I should, he’d hurt her. I became the best little slave I could. Even more obedient and submissive than I ever was with Watto. Despite my good behavior and my obedience, despite following his orders to the letter every time, it was never enough for him. One day, he killed her anyways, just for fun.” His lip trembled, and tears streamed down his cheeks but then he ground his hands into a fist. “I snapped. I turned on him. I let my hatred win. I stopped holding back. But I wasn’t strong enough to beat him. Not even close. You’ve never known pain like that. All I wanted was to die, but Sidious wouldn’t let me die. He’d take me to the edge just enough to give me hope he’d end it all and then he’d stop. After awhile, I went numb to it. I lost the will to fight him. He won. There was no point. I had nothing left to lose.” He fell silent, drowning in his memories.

            “You blame the Jedi for that…” she said quietly.

            “I do,” he said angrily, sitting up. She flinched. “The Jedi prance around pretending to be good, claiming they know better than you the way things are. But they know nothing about being good. They let monsters like Sidious run around and do what they please. He operates right under their nose and they don’t care. They do nothing to stop it! They do nothing to stop anything! They stand on their principle, they claim to be righteous. They live in their cushy temple, aloof from the world while horror and injustice exists all around them. They’re pointed towards an enemy and that’s what they kill. They don’t ask, they don’t care. So, tell me again how good they are. Tell me again that they see each other as family. Tell me they didn’t abandon you on Vanqor. Tell me they ended slavery. Tell me they fixed the worlds they destroyed killing droids rather than just move on to the next target. Tell me they didn’t believe you bombed their temple. Tell me they stood up for you. Tell me that they would have stopped me from taking you, so they could take you home to the temple where you belong.”

            Her face had drained of color as she watched him, tears welling in her eyes. He hated that look. They hurt her too, but she made excuses for them. She pretended that what they’d done to her was in no way a reflection of their overall image. If only she could see what he did. “You’re right,” she whispered finally. “The Jedi don’t do everything right. But they can’t fix the galaxy’s problems alone.”

            “They don’t fix anything,” he said passionately. “They only make it worse. So, sit there in your pity. Feel sorry for me. Do what everybody else does; ignore the injustice. Say you care but do nothing. That’s all the Jedi ever do.”

            “I _do_ care,” she said. “And I _want_ to do something about it. That’s why I’m here. I can’t change what happened, even if I wish I could. I can’t fix what’s wrong everywhere. Maybe I can’t do much of anything at all, but I want to try.” She scooted closer and reached for his face. He turned his head, not wanting her to touch him right now. “But you have to let go of your hatred. It’s how he controls you. It’s how the dark side controls you.”

            “What do you know?” he asked in frustration.

            “Maybe nothing,” she murmured. “But I’ll tell you what I see. I see a scared little boy that misses his mother. I see someone who was tortured beyond all reason for other peoples’ gain. I see someone that deserves love and compassion, not because of his tragic past, but because he’s a person and he matters. I begged the Jedi to help you, but they didn’t listen to me. You’re right, they’re detached. They think they know better. But I don’t defend them because they’re always right. I defend them because they’re trying.”

            “Not hard enough.”

            “You’re right, they’re not trying hard enough,” she said thoughtfully. She sat down next to him and leaned back against the crate too. “And we can’t fix that. Not right now anyways. But no matter what they did to you, or what Sidious did… you matter to me. I can’t fix your life. I can’t undo what’s been done. But I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. So, are you going to let your past and your pain define you, or are you going to rise above in spite of all of it?”

            “Your master,” he said after awhile.

            “Master Kenobi?” she asked in confusion. “What about him?”

            “He was one of the Jedi I met as a boy. Do you think he remembers me?”

            “I don’t know… I’ve never heard him talk about anything like what you told me.”

            “Of course not, why would he?” he muttered. “Do you think he’d tell me if he ever thought about me? If he ever wondered if I was the same boy he’d met on Tatooine?”

            “I couldn’t say, but probably,” she said.

            “I don’t think he would,” he continued. “He’d never admit they made a mistake leaving me behind. They’d never admit they did anything wrong.” She reached over and took his hand, intertwining her fingers with his.

            “Well they did,” she said finally. “But at least you’re here now. And we’re going to stop Sidious from hurting anyone else. Then maybe we can give the Jedi order a makeover.”

            “You really think that’s possible?” he laughed in spite of himself.

            “Probably not, but it’s good to hope for something.” He turned his head to look at the side of her face. She was smiling but staring straight ahead. He had no idea how she could always be so optimistic. Or how she could rebound so easily from so much tragedy and pain. Maybe he was wrong too. Maybe he had a few things he needed to learn from her. Hope… Did he dare hope things could get better? That he could rise above as she’d said? He had a feeling even saving the galaxy from collapse under Sidious wouldn’t be enough for the Jedi or the senate to forgive his crimes. No matter what they did to end the war, they’d forever be condemned and on the run.

            He ran his thumb across the back of her hand, studying the way it fit in his. He liked her long fingers and the way her hand looked and felt in his. It was the first thing he could remember feeling right. Maybe if she stayed with him, it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe she’d been right, he’d been alone too long. But he was scared too. Scared he’d lose her like he lost his mother. Scared that Sidious would try to take her from him again. His hand tightened on hers. He was determined not to let that happen.


	11. Chapter 11

            She looked down at her hand when he squeezed it. She didn’t want to think about the future, the future scared her. Truth be told, all of this scared her.  Being on the run with someone so unpredictable and dangerous? Knowing that she couldn’t go back to the Jedi and explain what happened? And now... after everything he’d told her, she didn’t want to go back. But she still believed in what they taught and following a Sith around was a frightening prospect, even if she didn’t believe he was inherently bad. It was just a matter of figuring out how to untangle his training in the Sith arts from who she really believed him to be. 

            She’d told him to let go of his hatred but after the torture he’d endured, his pain and anger were easily justified. If only there was a way to teach him to channel it into something better than death and violence. But as he’d said more than once, and people seemed to love to point out, she was just a padawan. Had been... _past tense_. She shivered nervously. She had been nowhere near becoming a master. Was she strong enough in her own faith and beliefs to guide him to the light alone. The thing was, it wasn’t him that terrified her nearly as much as her fear that she’d lose herself trying to save him. 

            She tipped her head back and closed her eyes. All she could do was trust in the force and hope that it would guide her and keep her firmly rooted. The force had led her to him. Maybe everything that had happened was meant to? It had brought them together repeatedly, and repeatedly they’d beaten the odds and helped each other. Did that mean she was meant to bring him to the light or that he was meant to lead her into the dark? Maybe she’d never been firmly rooted. Not if she’d been so willing to want to help him when everyone wiser than her told her not to.

            She turned to look at him. He was staring straight ahead, his jaw clenched like he was worried about something. “Anakin?” she whispered. He glanced at her. His golden eyes weren’t quite so scary anymore. Maybe they weren’t even as golden anymore. Instead of anger and hatred, she saw fear. She swallowed her question since his eyes had answered it anyways. Was he afraid? Yes, he was. At least that meant he was less likely to turn on her because he didn’t seem to have any hidden plans or motives. “Will you train me?”

            “To be a Sith?” he asked in surprise.

            “No, just with my lightsabers,” she said quickly. “As you’ve mentioned before, I’m weak with my left hand. No matter how hard I practice I can’t seem to get it to click. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. That move you showed me, on Christophsis, I practiced it a lot after that. It helped my defense considerably. The Jedi...” she trailed off feeling stupid. She didn’t want to admit that she felt the Jedi hadn’t really helped her with her lightsaber combat. And it wasn’t that Master Kenobi wasn’t a good fighter, he just preferred talking to fighting. So most of their practice sessions were spent more knee deep in the history of a form rather than learning how to use that form. “I want to help you beat Sidious, whoever he is, but if you couldn’t beat him alone, I definitely won’t be very helpful as I am. I promise I’ll work hard.”

            She chewed on her lip as he watched her for a few minutes expressionless. Then to her surprise, he smiled. Maybe it was more a smirk, but either way, it was better than being yelled at or told off. “Okay Snips,” he said finally. 

            They cleared as much space in the cargo hold as they could manage and he went to go check the computer to make sure everything was still working as intended. She took a deep breath hoping she wasn’t making a mistake asking him to train her. But what harm could come from learning how to better use her lightsabers? The forms themselves didn’t require certain ideologies to use. And after how much improvement she’d seen with his other suggestion, she was actually excited to learn from him. 

            She meant everything she’d said; she wanted to help him, and she didn’t believe she could with the training she’d received so far. She wasn’t ready to go so far as to admit the Jedi had held her back, but with the war and everything, perhaps it was possible certain things had been missed in their curriculum. 

            “Alright, Snips. You ready?” he asked as soon as he returned. 

            “Yes,” she said, not feeling very ready. Not that she wanted him to know that. 

            “Okay, first thing’s first. Move through the forms.”

            She obediently pulled out her lightsabers and started doing as he’d instructed. She didn’t give them much thought, she’d done them a million times. Knowing the forms was one thing, knowing how to use them was a completely different thing entirely. She was more focused on the way he was circling her as if she were some kind of prey. It wasn’t a threatening move necessarily, but it made her uncomfortable as he critically studied every angle of her movements. 

            He beckoned for her to run through the seven forms again while he continued to study her. She was starting to have trouble focusing on the forms because she wondered what he was thinking. Was he silent because he found no flaw, or because he was having to mentally determine how best to retrain her. Either way, his silence in the matter was unnerving. 

            “You’re not focusing,” he said after awhile. 

            “Well, it’s hard to when you’re stalking around me like that,” she snipped.

            “I can see that,” he smirked. “But please tell me the Jedi didn’t fail to ever study your forms.”

            “They can’t be that bad!”

            “I didn’t say they were bad,” he answered, stopping in front of her. “They’re terrible.”

            She dropped her hands to the side, tightening her grip on the hilts. Yes, she wanted his training, but she didn’t want to spend the whole time they were training feeling insulted. “You can’t be serious.” The Jedi had their faults, but there was no way they completely failed to train the very forms they invented. Unless she hadn’t practiced them enough...

            “I  _am_  serious,” he replied. 

            “But the Jedi...” he stepped closer and she trailed off. 

            “The seven forms depend on concentration to use. You, were not concentrating. You’ve already stated why. I was making you uneasy by circling you. If I were to leave the room completely. Would you be able to perform them perfectly?” he asked. 

            “I don’t know, probably,” she said quickly. 

            “Okay.” He turned and walked away. When the door closed behind him, she took a deep breath. The training was off to a great start. 

            She raised her lightsabers again and focused on the forms again. She moved through them one at a time, meticulously placing her hands and feet in practiced motions. When she finished, she shut off the lightsabers and dropped her hands to the side. She’d done them perfectly, she was sure of it. Not that it mattered because he hadn’t seen them. She opened her eyes and yelped, falling backwards onto the floor. 

            “You’re a perfectionist,” he said, looming over her. She tried to shake herself, but it completely unnerved her that he’d come back into the room and was standing so close and she hadn’t even noticed. She couldn’t even manage a snappy comeback she was still out of breath from surprise. “Perfectionists are easy to kill.”

            “What’s your point?” she managed finally.

            “My point, Ahsoka, is that in the middle of a battle, what just happened would have been a death sentence,” he said. He sounded harsh, but despite his tone, he had a point. She’d been so focused on performing the forms perfectly, she hadn’t noticed his return. And when he’d been in the room, she’d been too distracted by him to do them well at all. So somewhere in there, had to be middle ground. “Ever heard of the Dun Möch technique?”

            “Um, yes,” she said, chewing on her lip. “It’s a form of psychological warfare, distracting your opponent through taunts. A technique Sith developed to be particularly cruel.”

            He reached down a hand to help her up. “Funny,” he said quietly. “The Sith developed it to be cruel, as you say, but the Jedi use it all the time.”

            “Of course they don’t.” She put her hands on her hips and he rolled his eyes. 

            “Dun Möch is more than taunting though,” he started, crossing his arms behind his back and pacing. “It’s a way to drain your opponent’s spirit and sever their connection to the force. Against a Jedi, it’s devastating, because you depend so heavily on concentration. The irony being, your master is one of the most notable people that uses it. That flirting-taunting stuff he does? That’s Dun Möch.”

            “You’re lying...”

            “I shook on it. I’m not lying.” He crossed his arms in front of him and stared at her intensely. “Have you ever felt the force around him when he’s doing it? You start to feel tired, don’t you? Your limbs feel heavy. You feel drained,” he said. “It’s not directed at you, so it’s only a slight discomfort. But imagine that ten-fold if you were his enemy.” She didn’t want to believe it, but now that he mentioned it... she had noticed often feeling tired or weighed down. As though the words he threw out there, held weight to them. “It made you doubt yourself, didn’t it?”

            She dropped her chin and stared at the floor. “Yes.”

            He set his hand on her shoulder. “Your problem isn’t your lightsaber forms, your grip or even how much you practice. The problem you have is you doubt yourself. And your master’s use of Dun Möch constantly, only exaggerates those doubts. Especially when it matters the most.” She looked up at his face. “The first time we fought, do you remember?”

            “How could I forget?” she asked, her hand flying to her lips before she could stop it. He smiled mischievously again, and she dropped it, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. “You used this technique against me, didn’t you?”

            “No.” He shook his head. “That was just good old-fashioned flirting. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?” She stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed. “What I was going to say, was that despite your weakness with your left hand, that was the strongest I’ve seen you fight. Why? Because you were focused on your task and not distracted or worried about your master’s opinion. This is why I’m telling you that perfectionists are easy to kill. You’re a hard worker, I admire that. But performing a form a million times doesn’t make you good at it, even if you execute it perfectly.”

            “So, if it doesn’t really matter if I perform it correctly, how do I practice it?” she asked in confusion. 

            “What you need to practice first, Snips, is concentration. If me circling you is enough to distract you... we have bigger problems than your forms. Perhaps an outlet?”

            Her eyes widened as her cheeks started burning. “I... I... can’t...” she stammered. “The Jedi don’t allow attachments.” She backed up, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.

            “You’re not a Jedi anymore,” he whispered. He’d made no move towards her, but his words felt like they sunk beneath her skin. She’d known he liked her, but it hadn’t even occurred to her this was what he wanted. 

            She sucked in a breath as he backed her into the wall, leaning forward to kiss her deeply. "What are you doing?" she said breathlessly when he pulled away. He didn't answer and kissed her again. He ran his hand along her left shoulder as he kissed her jaw and down to her neck. She sighed softly but didn't completely relax into his touch. "We can't do this," she murmured, her protests getting weaker as he slid his hands up her body and along her arms. He brought them above her head, and then rested them over his shoulders. Even as she resisted, she pressed into him, responding eagerly to his attention and touch. 

            "Your body betrays you, Snips," he breathed into her shoulder as he moved one of her lekku out of the way. "You want it too."

            "I can't want it. I'm a Jedi, even if I'm not still part of the order." She inhaled sharply when he gently squeezed her butt, pressing into him further. 

            "It doesn't mean you can't have a little fun." He looked back up at her face and met her parted lips again. She didn’t want to admit it, but his touches felt so good. But that thought alone snapped her back to reality and she ducked under his arm and spun away. 

            “I’m not opposed to fun,” she started carefully, feeling nervous when he turned to look at her. “But...”

            “You don’t trust me,” he finished for her.

            “Can you blame me?” She threw up her hands. “I want to,” she said quickly. “But I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going down a path I shouldn’t! I’m scared I’m making a mistake! I’m scared that you’re going to hurt me, or worse, show me how to hurt others.”

            She tensed, afraid he was going to lash out in anger and only prove her point. He didn’t say anything for a moment, he just studied her. Then he sighed and dropped his shoulders. “Listen Snips,” he started. “I didn’t rescue you because I wanted to roll around in bed with you. Though admittedly that sounds nice.” She narrowed her eyes at him and he put up his hands. “I rescued you because, well... because you were the first person since my mother died that actually seemed to care. Despite being on opposite sides... you showed me kindness. The trouble you got into, getting framed for bombing the temple. That was because of me.”

            “You framed me?”

            “No. That’s not what I meant.” He shook his head. “You became a target because I liked you. Sidious wants my devotion to him and him alone. And he goes to great lengths to destroy everything that matters to me. When I found out you were in jail, I thought, well okay, at least I won’t keep getting punished for letting you go. But then when I found out that he was going to have you put to death for it... I couldn’t let you die. I know what you’re thinking. I ruined your life, because I rescued you the way I did, now you can’t go back. And maybe I hoped that you wouldn’t want to go back, that you’d want to stay with me and it wouldn’t matter what they saw or think.” He looked up at her sadly. “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave.”

            “I don’t,” she said. He looked at her in surprise. “I’m scared, but I don’t go back on my promises. And I promised I’d help you be free of him.” She stepped closer tentatively, but then she felt a rush of confusion. “Wait... you said  _he_  was going to have me put to death. How could he have any say in my trial or my punishment?”

            “Darth Sidious is Chancellor Palpatine.”

            “It can’t be.” She staggered backwards but he caught her by the arms. “Tell me you’re lying! Please! I won’t even be mad; just tell me it isn’t true!”

            “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that. Or I  _would_  be lying.”

            The room spun as bile rose in her throat. Dooku... the leader of the Separatists was a Sith. Okay, that made sense, he was the enemy. But the Jedi had never believed he was the master, only the apprentice. So, his master... his master was the leader of the Republic. This entire war... it was a game. A ruse. For what purpose? And how many times had he ordered the Jedi into battle? How many times had he pointed them in a direction and they went? She felt the echo of Anakin’s first warning to her,  _Kamino was just a distraction._  How many other things were just distractions?

            “I think I’m going to be sick,” she cried, pulling herself out of his arms and running down the hall to the refresher. 

            She wasn’t sure how long she was bent over the toilet before he knocked. “Are you okay?” he asked through the door.

            “No,” she replied weakly. The door opened, and he came in. She frantically wiped her eyes. “Chancellor Palpatine is the Sith Lord?” She blinked up at him.

            “Yes.”

            “How have none of the Jedi suspected it?”

            “I told you, the order is blind,” he said, crouching down to rub her arm. 

            “We’ve done such horrible things. We followed his orders and he was evil this whole time?” He sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms. She sobbed against his chest. Suddenly he was the only one she felt like she could trust. She would still rather believe he was lying to her, but she’d felt the truth. She’d felt his honesty.

            “Listen,” he whispered, rocking her gently. “We’re going to stop this. We’re going to stop him. I believe that.”

            Her arms tightened around him. The fear hadn’t gone away, but it had changed. Suddenly all her doubts about staying with him had been stomped out by something much bigger. But the bigger one was accompanied by a sense of purpose. There was a clear enemy again, and he must be stopped. 

            “I’m ready now. To train,” she said, looking up at him and setting her jaw.

            “I know.”


	12. Chapter 12

            “Lightsaber forms are hardly the most important aspect of combat,” he said as he slowly circled where she was kneeling with her eyes closed in the center of the cargo bay. “They are a small, but necessary component. Like the backbone, you need them to survive, but them alone cannot support life.” He reached into the force and pulled her lightsabers to his hands. She didn’t react as she sat deep in meditation, concentrating on his lesson. “They are but a jumping off point. Performing them well is important, but only if you also have the rest of the components.”

            He studied her lightsabers in his hands. They were well built, both similar in design but one was smaller. He clipped the smaller one to his belt and turned on her main one. The green blade burst to life and he moved it around in the air getting a feel for the hilt. It was a bit clunky for his taste, but it had a nice balance to it. 

            “Performing the forms perfectly or knowing all of their history is a waste of time.” He turned off the one he’d been studying and glanced at her. “Fighting isn’t about winning, it’s about survival. Sometimes you survive by winning. Sometimes you survive by escaping.” 

            He stopped in front of her and watched her for a moment. She sat on her heels, her hands crossed on top of her knees. Her head was bowed just slightly. She looked a little tense, but otherwise appeared to be holding her concentration. He had to give her credit for her determination. Now that she’d found out the truth about Sidious, she was focused and ready to learn; no longer hesitant of his lessons. He could still feel the pain he’d sensed from her earlier, but she’d dropped her constant questioning and was letting him lead. 

            “True power comes not from a perfect form, but from purpose. While your focus during combat should be only on survival, your purpose is what fuels your ability to survive. It is the root of all power; good or evil. You may think you know your purpose, but you don’t.” She flinched ever so slightly but didn’t argue. “You’ll know when you know; it pumps through you like blood, it lives in every fiber of your body and soul. The Sith call this passion, I disagree; passion is married to recklessness. Purpose will drive you, test you, focus you and strengthen you. I can’t tell you what your purpose is, only you can decide that.”

            She tilted her chin back and looked up at him. “My purpose is to serve the people, and justice.”

            “Yet you knowingly follow a Sith who would be found guilty and executed for the things he’s done.” He crossed his arms. 

            “I follow you because I know there’s more to you than being a Sith. There’s good in you,” she said. 

            “Perhaps,” he murmured, mulling over her words. “Perhaps not.” She narrowed her eyes. “But the same could be said for every other being out there; any Jedi, any Sith, any monster... so what makes you, Ahsoka Tano, the judge and jury for the crimes of others? You think because you were a Jedi once that you’ve never done wrong? Do you think that because the Jedi supposedly represent the light side that they’ve never done evil things? Count Dooku was once a Jedi, do you know why he left the order? The Jedi council blindly follows the orders of a Sith, obeying his commands under the false belief they’re saving people. A Jedi is likely responsible for the temple bombing you were accused of. And more and likely that same Jedi framed you.”

            “What’s your point?” she asked in annoyance. Her cheeks reddened and she crossed her arms.

            “My point, Snips,” he said, “is that as noble of a purpose justice might seem to be, it will never fuel your power.”

            “Why not?” she asked stubbornly.

            “Because justice is an arbitrary idea. Whoever holds the power, makes the rules. And as I’m sure you’ve witnessed on the battlefield; what is morally or ethically acceptable in a war is completely different than peaceful times. Unless you can know inside and out exactly what justice looks like and stick to it no matter what, it will fail to power you.” He crossed his arms still fidgeting with her lightsaber in his hand. 

            She opened her mouth to argue but closed it again. 

            “You can’t, can you?” He tossed her lightsabers back to her. “But just in case you don’t believe me, I’ll prove it to you. Get up, prepare for battle.”

            She reluctantly stood, swinging her lightsabers into her reverse grip and crouching down. 

            “Focus on survival but let justice fuel you.” He slid the toe of his right boot across the floor, mentally prepping for the fight to start. “Since you’re so sure that this idea will give you power, there is no reason for me to hold back.”

            She narrowed her eyes in determination, watching his every move. He grabbed his lightsaber and ignited it. She ran at him, ducking under his swing and twirling around trying to sneak through his defenses. He stepped aside and repeatedly dodged her attacks without much trouble. For as acrobatic as they both were when fighting, this cargo hold was infuriatingly small. They might have to look into finding an open area away from cities and towns to practice better. 

            “Come on, Snips,” he taunted. “If justice is your purpose, you should be able to bring me down no problem. How dare you let me escape it?”

            To her credit, she stepped up her game. Her attacks came with more and more frequency, but she was still woefully failing to put her power behind it. She _did_ believe in justice, but it wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t be the purpose that would help him take down Sidious. He spun low under her right arm, twisting around to knock her saber out of her main hand. She flailed helplessly for a few seconds with her left before he completely disarmed her.

            “See how easy it is for justice to die?” he asked, pointing his lightsaber at her neck. “Where we’re going, there is no such thing as justice. Maybe Sidious deserves justice, maybe he deserves to die. Either way, justice alone will never fuel you.”

            “Then what fuels you?” she asked, slowly standing up. He moved his lightsaber to follow her as she stood.

            “Hatred,” he said simply as a rush of it coursed through his veins. “For what he did to my mother, for what he did to me, and for everything he’s done to others and will do, I hate him. My hatred of the Jedi will never compare to my hatred for him.”

            “I agree he’s done awful things, but…”

            “Awful doesn’t begin to describe what he’s done.” He jabbed his lightsaber closer to her and she stepped backwards carefully. “He’s more cruel than you can possibly comprehend in your good little Jedi brain.”

            She put her hands up. “If your hatred for him fueled you, how could you serve him?”

            “Does it look like I had a choice in the matter?” He finally pulled his lightsaber away from her and watched her take a deep breath. “As we speak, he is exhausting every avenue to find us. Do you really think we got away? We didn’t. Sidious has eyes everywhere. The moment we land anywhere, there will be trouble. If I’m as important to his plans as you claim, he will do anything to get me back. And your weak expression of justice, will hardly come close to stopping him.”

            “Hatred blinds you, though,” she started carefully. “Your hatred of him when he killed your mother wasn’t enough to stop him…” She bent down to pick up her lightsabers, not taking her eyes off him. “If it’s your highest purpose, if it’s as powerful as you say, don’t you think it should have?”

            “I lacked the backbone,” he said finally, after taking a deep breath to swallow the flaring pain. “I’ve always had the purpose, but at that point in time, I didn’t have the forms.” He shook himself, not liking her prodding. He was the one leading this training session and she needed to learn this lesson. “Try again, Snips.” He set his feet apart, preparing for the next round. “We proved justice isn’t your purpose, so pick another one.”

            He watched her fingers tighten on her lightsabers as she focused on the far wall. After a few minutes she looked back at him. “Okay, I’m ready.” She narrowed her eyes again, once more falling into her default stance for her reverse grip.

            “You're holding your lightsaber too high in your left hand.”

            “What?” She looked down at her left saber. He moved over to show her, and she tensed. He shouldn’t have gotten so carried away before, because now she wasn’t focused on the lesson anymore, she was more worried about his unpredictability. As if he would ever take this hatred out on her. He couldn’t, not anymore. She was the only thing holding him together right now.

            He set his hand over hers and she squeezed her eyes shut nervously. He tried to work her fingers looser and slide the lightsaber through her fist so that she was holding it lower. “Holding it so high doesn’t allow for much maneuverability. See how with your hand lower you have a higher range of motion?” He stepped back as she moved it around for a few minutes, testing out the new grip. Then she nodded and looked up at him. “Okay,” he said. “Try again.” He moved back a few feet and again prepared for battle. “I won’t hold back this time, so I hope you’re right about your purpose.”

            “That was holding back?” she asked confused.

            He smirked at her and brandished his lightsaber signaling her to start the fight. She ran at him again, but again he easily dodged and parried her attacks. There was more momentum in her swings and switching her hold on her left saber strengthened the power behind it. But she was still holding back.

            “Not good enough,” he said, bearing down on her. She rolled out of the way and flipped off the wall, forcing him to duck under both swings. “You have to let it in. You can’t hold your purpose at bay and expect it to fuel you.”

            “But the Jedi…” She leapt back to her feet after landing on her butt, trying to slide under him.

            “The Jedi, like you, believe justice is power in itself. Their detachment to everything does not allow them to feel purpose as deeply as they need to, to win. You have to _believe_ in your purpose. If you don’t, it will never be enough.”

            She hesitated a moment and he had to stop himself from cutting her in half. She looked at him in surprise as though she’d forgotten this wasn’t ordinary sparring. “But even believing in justice, it still wasn’t enough. And they _do_ believe in that.”

            It took a lot of will power to not turn and punch the wall. He wasn’t mad at her so much as he was at the Jedi. In front of him stood someone with so much potential, potential enough to beat Sidious at his own game, but because of the cult mind of the Jedi she couldn’t overcome their teachings. She was a walking broken record of platitudes. He had the strongest urge to shake her it was getting so ridiculous.

            “The Jedi know nothing!” he said angrily. “They don’t understand the force, they don’t know true power.”

            He felt a burst of darkness rise in him, something he hadn’t felt since going on the run with her. _Yes,_ a voice cackled. _Use your anger._ He stumbled backwards, dropping his lightsaber and grabbing his hair.

            “No, no, no!” he yelled. “Get out of my head!”

            _She is a Jedi_ , the voice said. _Kill her_.

            “I won’t listen to you!” he cried, trying to build his defenses again. How could he open himself up so much? How did he let him in? But even as he fought back, he grabbed for his lightsaber and turned on her.

            “Anakin?” she asked, backing up.

            “He’s mine!” he heard himself say before he rushed at her.

            _No!_ She dodged out of the way, running from his furious slashes. _Stop, please stop!_ he begged Sidious. _Please don’t hurt her! I’ll do whatever you want._

            “You betrayed me, apprentice. I don’t make deals with people that can’t be trusted,” his voice said again.

            “But I didn’t…” She flipped over him, fighting for her life. How she was holding her own, he had no idea.

            “She has to die.”

            _No!_ He summoned all the power he had left to try and push Sidious out. For a moment the darkness receded, but then it rushed back in with double the intensity. He staggered around, crashing into everything, trying to fight him. But just as he didn’t have control over his body, he couldn’t feel it either. He saw blood drip from his fingertips as he clawed at his skull. If he didn’t kill her, Sidious might kill him. He saw the room spin and he must have fallen because all he could see now was the ceiling.

            It felt like his eyes were bleeding as his vision turned red. Hatred burned his insides like they’d been reduced to hot coals, or molten lava. “Anakin!” Her voice was so far away. It felt like something was cutting off his ability to hear her. “Fight him, Anakin! You’re stronger than him!” Oh, how he wished that were true. Nothing happening felt like he was driving anymore. As though he’d been pushed into a room and could do nothing as the lock slid into place. 

            And then he felt something soft and moist against his lips. The darkness crawled away as though afraid of whatever it was. He blinked up in surprise as the door opened and he let himself back into his body.

            She was leaning over him, barely a few inches away. Her eyes were vivid and entrancing. How had she blocked Sidious’ control with a simple kiss? She ran her fingers through the lock of hair that wasn’t quite long enough to stay contained with the rest. Her expression was one of concern, but she smiled when his vision cleared. 

            Her face brought back a rush of emotions and the tears fell before he could stop them. She laid down on the metal floor next to him, curling herself into the crook of his arm and resting her right hand over his chest. She twirled one of the leather strands of his tunic in her fingers but stayed silent.

            He pulled her closer to him, struggling to get a grip on everything that had just happened. Not only had Sidious broken through his defenses; and even at a great distance nearly made him a prisoner in his own body, a little Togruta Jedi had severed his control. With a kiss, no less. 

            His purpose had once been protecting his mother, but now... it was her. Maybe he’d been wrong all along; she was far more powerful than he’d imagined. 

            He turned his head, shakily resuming control. “Ahsoka?” he whispered. Her blue eyes flitted to meet his. “How did you do that?”

            “I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully. “I saw your pain as you fought with him and when you fell, I felt it in my soul. That purpose you were talking about earlier. My purpose is you.”

            He reached his hand over to touch her cheek and she leaned into the touch. “It’s the will of the force you’re by my side,” he breathed. “Don’t you think?”

            She smiled, “yes. I feel it too.” She hesitated a moment. “Sidious can’t control what he doesn’t understand.” She looked at him again, intensity in her gaze. “And he doesn’t understand love.”

            Her words lit a candle in the deepest reaches of his soul. He felt the warmth spread through him, easing out the hatred and darkness he’d held onto for so long. She was right, hatred _won’t_ beat him. Darkness cannot be beaten by darkness. Only light can do that. Sidious doesn’t understand just how powerful the light side is, because the only example he’d ever had was the Jedi. And Jedi don’t know the light’s power either. Because they purposely ban themselves from the light side’s purest form; love. 

            He’d been partly right, they’d never fight what was coming thinking like a Jedi. But they’d never fight what was coming thinking like a Sith either. 

            He closed his eyes and relaxed into the familiar feeling of the force. But this time instead of trying to twist or control it, or bend it to his will, he relaxed into its natural rhythm and let it carry him across an ocean of possibilities. It wasn’t long before he felt Ahsoka there too. As though they were floating across calm waters on some kind of raft, billions of glittering jewels speckled the sky above them. Maybe she reached out and took his hand, but it felt more like what had happened in the cave on Vanqor; where their energy and force had pooled together to create something infinitely more powerful. He’d never been more sure of anything; the only way to beat Sidious was together. Not as two, but as one.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all that offered support and encouragement this past week. I really really appreciated it. And thank you Reese_tano for getting me excited about my story again and helping me find direction! <3

            She stared out the transparisteel glass at the stars feeling different. She’d been raised as a Jedi, she believed in their teachings. It was all she really knew, except… maybe there was more to life and the force than even  _they_  knew. They always taught to trust your feelings, to trust the force, but they never taught that the force could lead you way away from their teachings. If it did, they’d probably say she’d been tempted by the dark side. And maybe... they’d be right. 

            She glanced to the side at his legs as he tinkered with something underneath the control panel. He was a Sith after all, and he’d definitely tempted her, but not at all how she’d expected. She hadn’t been swayed by promises of power or prestige, or any of the things she’d been warned about for years. Instead she’d been tempted by love. Something that by its very nature couldn’t be dark. There could be darkness around it or because of it, but _it_ could never  _be_  dark. In fact, the rush of love she’d felt for him earlier in the cargo hold had been powerful enough to break through the darkness that had fallen. 

            She still didn’t know what had possessed her to kiss him rather than find another way to break Sidious’ hold. All she knew was that she’d been acting purely on instinct and how she was feeling at that moment. Something that was still pumping through her and making her feel warm just thinking about it. She’d been confused at first, thinking that he was trying to teach her another lesson, but then she’d seen him claw at his own skull and heard an unnatural voice utter from his lips. That was when she realized that his master was trying to get him to kill her and he might have succeeded had Anakin not fought back.

            She shivered remembering the way fear had coursed through her when she’d heard him say she had to die. It had been far more terrifying than even their fight on his ship when he’d been intent on killing her. Just by association, or rather, because she could offer his apprentice something he couldn’t, she’d now become a target by the most terrifying foe there was. Anakin had fought so hard, he’d thrown himself into everything trying to get Sidious out. If that wasn’t love, she didn’t know what was. With everything his dark master could do, it had struck her hard what it cost him to resist it; not just to save himself but to save her. 

            If she’d still had any doubts about how he felt about her, they were gone now. It bothered her that she hadn’t fully understood the threat Sidious posed until she’d witnessed that. She’d foolishly believed that he was exaggerating; that no one could be that vile. Despite seeing the cruel things Dooku and Ventress and even Grievous had done, it never occurred to her just how far they’d go to dominate. In fact, she was starting to feel like the Jedi had hardly prepared her for the threat that existed out here. All of Anakin’s warnings over the years made a lot more sense now;  _the Jedi don’t understand the real world_. They don’t understand the Sith; their own ancient enemy. But they also don’t understand love, just like Sidious.

            It was still somewhat difficult to reconcile the frail and seemingly kindly old man that the chancellor appeared to be, with the evil that could trap a person’s soul or torture them mercilessly. It was horrifying to know that was the person the Jedi took orders from, that was the person running the entire Republic, the senate... _the war_...

            Anakin screwed the panel back into place and rolled out from under the console, wiping his hands on his pants. She looked him over, her eyes resting on the bandages she’d helped wrap around his head after he’d fought with Sidious. She could tell many of his wounds often went untreated, turning into horrible scars. And now she wondered how many of the wounds she’d believed were self-inflicted were the result of a similar experience to what she’d witnessed. 

            She was on her feet before she could think about it, rising to her tiptoes so she could reach his lips with her own. She was still a bit unsure of the physicality of love, having come from an environment where there was little in the way of touch or affection. The most experience she really had with it was an occasional hug from master Plo, but even that was largely discouraged. Though he never told her not to. She liked the way it felt with Anakin, there was a kind of safe feeling associated with it. Which was odd considering that for all intents and purposes, he was the enemy. Not that she saw him that way anymore at all. But despite his teasing and flirtatiousness, he was surprisingly tender and gentle with her. Well, at least when he hadn’t been trying to kill her. 

            Maybe she didn’t really know anything at all.

            “What was that for?” he asked, even as he kissed her again and pulled her closer. 

            “I don’t know,” she admitted. She ran her fingers across the bandages, hating what Sidious had done to him. Her heart was full when she looked at him. There was so much about him to love, but all anybody saw was a tool or a threat. She was ever so grateful that despite the torture he’d endured, he’d never lost the light inside him, or the goodness. She really wished she could thank his mother for instilling it so deeply. Were all the Sith like that? That no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t completely destroy the good? If so, that changed her perspective on everything. 

            He tipped his head to the side, studying her face. She could swear there was more than gold in his eyes, but it wasn’t easy to see yet. When they weren’t narrowed in anger or hatred, they were strangely beautiful. But maybe it wasn’t the color so much as the depth to them. He ran his fingers down her cheek, his thumb outlining the wing shape of her markings. His touch was electric but also soothing, and she smiled as he continued along her jaw and tipped her chin back, so he could meet her lips again. 

            “I’m surprised you’re not resisting anymore,” he murmured against her mouth. 

            She squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment. “Well... things change,” she blushed.

            “Oh? Like what?”

            “After what I felt in the cargo hold... maybe I’m not so afraid anymore.” She looked up at his face feeling a little silly. She had no experience with this at all, and that was probably pretty obvious to him. 

            “You should be afraid,” he whispered. “But I’m glad you’re not.” He sighed and dropped his hands. “Unfortunately, as much as I want to keep going, we’ve got a problem.”

            “What kind of problem?” she asked in surprise.

            “This junker is almost out of fuel.” He pointed to the gauge and sat down in the pilot seat. “I bypassed some systems so most of it is going to the engine, but we’ll be lucky if we make it. The nearest place to fuel up is Hutta, which will have its own problems, since we’re fugitives.”

            “I thought Hutta was a neutral world,” she pursed her lips as she sat down in the copilot seat. 

            “Yeah that’s the problem,” he commented. “We’re running from both sides, remember? So not even neutral worlds are safe. And definitely not Hutt controlled worlds. Too many bounty hunters looking for quick creds.”

            “They’d be stupid to mess with you,” she laughed. 

            “Maybe,” he smirked. “But fighting is not what I’m worried about.”

            “You don’t want Sidious to know where we are.”

            “Exactly.” He pushed a few buttons and the ship groaned. “Every second wasted fighting, gives others enough time to make the call. Before long, Dooku or Grievous or worse will be breathing down our necks.”

            “Worse like Sidious?” she asked nervously. 

            “No, he rarely does his dirty work himself. It would be too risky to chance revealing his true identity just to stop me at this point.” He reached out and pulled on the lever. “Hang on.”

            “Why do I get the feeling you’re used to crashing ships?” she asked but gripped the sides of her seat anyways. 

            “It might be a rough landing, but I don’t intend to crash,” he said. She could tell he was gritting his teeth as he focused on flying. She decided to stop talking so he could make sure it wasn’t a crash. If nothing else, she was sure that her time with him would never be dull. 

            They flew in way too fast for docking at the fuel pump, which meant he had to jerk it around to come at it again. He’d barely missed a tank of it, that could have turned them into a fiery inferno. Love for the Hutt worlds and way of life or not, she really didn’t want to be responsible for that many deaths. Besides trying not to crash, their landing, if they made it down in one piece, wasn’t going to go unnoticed. So, that meant people were naturally going to drift towards them to find out who was responsible. And as he’d said, all it would take was one person to recognize them and they’d be in trouble. 

            “Now listen up, Snips,” he said as they skidded across the landing platform, stopping inches from certain death. She pried her fingers off the chair and rubbed her sore knuckles. “There is no such thing as innocents in a place like this. It’s kill or be killed. If anyone engages, you will fight back.” He studied her for a moment and she hesitantly nodded. “You have a good heart, but out here, that is a death sentence. Just think of it as relieving the Jedi of more problems.” He tossed her a blaster when she caught up with him. “By the way, don’t make it obvious you were a Jedi.”

            “It’s a death sentence to be good?” she asked, finding her voice at last, and hiding the tremor from their chaotic landing beneath some sass.

            “People on Hutta speak credits only. They will sink to any level to get it. Morality, ethics, justice? None of that exists here,” he replied. “Kindness is weakness and you become an easy target.”

            “But I’m not an easy target,” she huffed at the insinuation. 

            “Yeah, I imagine they’d get more than they bargained for with you,” he chuckled. “Still, keep the niceties to a minimum so we don’t draw attention.”

            “I think it’s too late for that,” she muttered when the door opened, and several dozen people stood around looking over the ship and the damage. She dropped her chin and tried not to make eye contact with anyone. 

            “Hey, you!” someone shouted. “You best be willing to pay for that.”

            “Of course,” Anakin replied. “Fill ‘er up and we’ll make a deal.”

            “I think you’ll need more than fuel, mate,” someone else said with an interesting drawl to their voice. 

            “It’s hardly a scratch,” he joked. 

            She kept her head down, trying to assess the threat level as Anakin negotiated with the owner and they reached some kind of deal. Most of the curious onlookers scoffed and eventually moved on, the excitement faded, and they went back to their own business. A few people lingered, but she didn’t sense anything off about them. She hung close to Anakin though, desperately trying not to draw attention to herself. No matter what he said, she didn’t want to kill unless she had no other choice. So, for now it was easier to just let him handle it, so she didn’t have to make choices like that. It was strange to step out of the war where killing and death had been constant, to now weighing every choice she made. 

            And maybe he was right, justice was an arbitrary idea, but she still wanted to follow the rules she’d been taught as much as possible. It was a matter of sanity and honor. Perhaps she knowingly followed a Sith, but the longer she claimed she held true to the Jedi beliefs, the less guilt she felt over how drastically her situation had turned. Despite the things he taught, he’d made no attempt to convince her or coax her to follow him down his path of darkness. If he had plans to corrupt her in other ways, he hid his true intentions well. But deep down, even with all her anxiety, she was certain she could trust him; that he would not take advantage of her, that he would not purposely lead her astray, and that his actions in saving her and letting her stay were rooted foremost in love. And when he kissed her, she felt it. He communicated all the things he feared to say in touch. 

            His intensity made her nervous sometimes, but he restrained himself well. It was clear when he’d touch her that he wanted more, but other than their quick but hot session in the cargo hold, he didn’t push her or coerce her into anything she wasn’t ready for. Even in their first embrace a few years back on Kamino, he’d held her only long enough to make a joke and then he’d let her go. In fact, his restraint was a lot of why she trusted him. 

            She’d been taught by the Jedi that Sith do not hold back. That they act purely on passion and strong emotions. That they seek power and control above all else. And that in the throes of battle, they will always fight to win or go for the kill; even if it was in a reckless manner. But Anakin wasn’t like any of those things at all. 

            He had strong emotions, but even drowning in them he could be made to see reason. He didn’t fight for power, though he certainly had it. He never manipulated for control, choosing to fight fair in most situations. And he’d told her fighting was about survival not winning. In fact, many of the things he’d told her didn’t sound anything like what she’d been raised to believe Sith taught. He was thoughtful and observant. He disagreed with their philosophy even if he was forced to live it. And even when he’d been ordered to kill her, he’d made his own choice to stay his blade. He was not the loose cannon the Jedi believed him to be. He was intelligent and reasonable. His motivations for all his actions were not in search of power or prestige. The only thing he truly desired, as far as she could tell, was freedom to live his life as only he dictated.

            And she was certain, if he’d truly believed he could escape his master without her help, he’d have disappeared and not been a problem at all in the continuation of the war. Some might call it cowardly, but she didn’t. He more than earned his right to live his life. He didn’t deserve to be used by others. This wasn’t his war, and it never had been. He’d been sucked into the conflict and forced to serve by no choice or wish of his own. If she wasn’t already intent on helping him stop Sidious so he couldn’t be hurt by him anymore, she was definitely intent on doing so to free him. Just like she’d begged the Jedi to do. If only they’d listened. 

            She reached out and intertwined her fingers with his left hand as they stood there waiting for the fuel tank to fill up. They were alone on the landing platform now. The owner of the depot had gone inside their ship to claim the crates he’d bartered for the fuel and the damage. They passed them by a few minutes later as they loaded the goods into their shop. 

            He stood up quickly, reaching for his lightsaber instead of his blaster. She stumbled a little, but she backed into him when she heard the laugh. “Well isn’t this an interesting turn of events?” the voice cackled.  _Ventress_. “A Sith and a Jedi, sitting in a swamp...” They turned, following the sound of her voice but it somehow seemed to echo around them, so they couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from. “When I found out you went rogue Skywalker, I never imagined it was to save your pet Togruta.”

            “She’s not my pet, Ventress,” he said. “But she will bite if you stick your hand where it doesn’t belong.”

            “Funny,” she said, coming out from behind a few crates on an upper level of the depot. “My how the mighty Sith has fallen.”

            “You’re one to talk,” he replied. “You think I don’t know that Dooku turned on you?” She snarled at them. “What do you want? You can’t possibly think you’re going to survive this if you attack?”

            “Oh I don’t know, the bounty on both your heads might be worth the risk,” Ventress said thoughtfully, but didn’t make a move to attack or even draw her weapons. “It might even be enough to earn my place back. Besides, all your time alone with your little Jedi pet here has made you soft, Skywalker.”

            She felt him tense next to her. “I’m not his pet, and he’s not soft.” She bared her teeth. “He’s stronger than you’ll ever be because he doesn’t just blindly follow.” She raced at Ventress before she could change her mind, barely having heard Anakin calling her name. So much for holding back and not drawing attention to them. But she really wanted to wipe that self-important grin off her face. How dare she assume the light side made you weak?

            Ventress dodged her first attack but had to duck out of the way of her following spin. She wasn’t sure why, but she threw everything she had into this fight. Maybe she wanted to prove to him that his training wasn’t wasted on her. She kept up with her far better than she had last time, in fact she could even tell Ventress wavered a few times under the intensity of her attacks. Maybe she was second guessing this plan of hers to bring them down? Anakin didn’t join in the fight, but the realization that he appeared to be studying her as she did, made her push in harder. 

            “Why would you want to go back to that crusty old Sith anyways?” she asked, leaping forward and knocking out one of Ventress’ lightsabers. 

            “You don’t understand!” Ventress exclaimed. “He turned on me! I want revenge for what he did to me and to my sisters!” She furrowed her brow and backed away, letting Ventress grab both her lightsabers again.

            “He betrayed you, but you want to go back?” she asked in confusion. Anakin stepped up beside her, but he didn’t make to attack or defend. 

            “Help us,” he said. “Help us destroy Sidious and we’ll free you from Dooku.”

            She was surprised to see a flicker of fear in the other former Sith. She was starting to believe the Jedi knew nothing about their enemies. So many broken souls existed out here; used and betrayed by people lusting after their own ambitions and power grabs. So many people getting lost in the middle and left behind. And maybe the Jedi had done their share of that too. Anakin was right, they needed to stick together.

            She clipped her lightsabers to her belt and stepped forward to offer Ventress her hand. She stared at it for a moment but then brushed it off and got to her feet. “You’re insane if you think the two of you can take down Sidious. I won’t help you,” Ventress said. “But I won’t stop you either.” She turned to go, but then looked back at them. “But there is someone else who might.”

            Anakin crossed his arms. “Who?”

            “Maul,” Ventress replied.

            She felt a ripple of anger course through him and she grabbed his arm. She felt him take a deep breath. “Maul is still alive?”

            “Yes,” Ventress said. “He’s on Mandalore, with his brother, Savage.”

            “What’s he doing there?” she asked.

            “Ruling, last I heard,” Ventress snapped. 

            “But what about the duchess?”

            “He killed her to get back at Kenobi. Then he and a bunch of gangsters took over Mandalore. Death Watch helped, at least until he turned on them too,” Ventress answered. 

            She felt a sinking feeling in her gut. All of this had happened in the week she’d been gone? Why hadn’t she felt her master’s pain? She looked up at Anakin. Well, that was a stupid question. She’d been distracted. 

            “Maul is a vile creature that can’t be reasoned with,” Anakin said softly, but there was venom in his tone. “But if he’s still alive, he likely has no love for Sidious either.”

            “You really think we can get him to help us?” she asked nervously. 

            “We can try.”


	14. Chapter 14

            “Master! Er... uh... Anakin...” He peeked one eye open at her when she trailed off. She was standing in the doorway, chewing on her lip, looking as though she was dealing with some guilt or grappling with some moral quandary.

            “Did you just call me master?” He tried not to smirk. 

            “Yes,” she squeaked, struggling to make eye contact. She took a deep breath and he watched her bemused as she struggled with it. “Well you kind of are, I mean you’ve been teaching me.”

            He untangled his long body from his meditative position and got to his feet. She watched him shifting nervously as he made his way towards her. “As nice as being your master sounds,” he started, “you don’t need one.”

            “But I’m still just a padawan, there’s so much more I have to learn.” He watched her face as it dawned on her what she was saying; the silent ‘oh’ nearly killed him inside. He wanted to be frustrated with her that she couldn’t let go of the Jedi, but he supposed maybe he didn’t fully understand why she missed it. Maybe he needed to.

            From the moment he’d rescued her from jail, he’d been constantly telling her the way she saw the world was wrong. Despite that, she also had proved more than once, that he might not have it all figured out either. He certainly didn’t understand the light side at all. All he knew was the way the Jedi touted it and then did nothing to stop the horrors he’d been forced to both experience and bear witness too. 

            Sidious’ cruelty had helped him establish what felt like an infinite ocean of hatred, but he’d also twisted that hatred so that he himself, had turned it on the Jedi. So, he hated Sidious, but he also hated the Jedi for making him hate Sidious so much more. And in that way, Sidious held his leash, even as he ran from him now. 

            He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him, her eyes watery like she might cry. He didn’t want her to cry. He pulled her into a hug and she buried her face in his shirt. 

            “Why don’t you show me how Jedi meditate?” he asked, trying to distract her. “You be the master tonight.”

            “You want to learn how to be a Jedi?” She sounded surprised. 

            “Not really,” he said quickly. “But I do want to learn from you.”

            She chewed on her lip for a moment. “What could I teach you? You’ve already told me that thinking like a Jedi won’t stop what’s coming.”

            “Yeah, but after what happened... thinking like a Sith won’t either.” He sat back down on the floor and crossed his legs, gesturing to the space in front of him. She hesitated a moment and then sat, her knees almost touching his. “Do you ever think that maybe neither the Jedi nor the Sith, know everything? Maybe there’s some kind of middle ground. Like a balance between the two.”

            “You really think it’s a good idea for both of us to start questioning our beliefs now?”

            “Probably not,” he laughed. “But I also think that maybe if we don’t, we won’t beat him.” He reached out and took her hands in his, running his fingers along the back of them. He might never get tired of the way they felt like they belonged there. The touch so simple, but it comforted him on the deepest level. She watched him rub her hands for a few minutes and then he noticed her studying him intensely.

            Meditating together scared him, if he were honest with himself. To fall that deeply into the force opened you up, so having another force user, a strong one even, also opening up like that too... it felt like every little thing about himself, his life, his past and his choices, would all end up being judged. He didn’t think he was ready for that. But he also wanted to again feel what he’d felt in the cargo hold; drifting along at peace, with her by his side. He wanted to feel that power potential they seemed to have, that could double their intensity and manipulation of the force by intertwining both the light and the dark. But maybe more than anything, he didn’t want to feel so alone anymore; drowning in the sea of darkness, hatred and rage. He never thought he’d see the day that he’d find himself begging for the light. 

            Sidious had turned him into a powerful Sith, someone who could wipe out anything that crossed his path, except for him of course. His past provided plenty of fodder to draw on to feed the beastly darkness that constantly threatened to consume him. As a Sith he’d hungered for power and destruction, asserting control and laying waste to any that opposed him.

            But even after all that, even after achieving many great feats, possessing vast power and control... he hungered but was never satiated. He thirst, but it was never quenched. He sought, but never found. And maybe that was the true curse of the Sith; everything that could truly satisfy you, you can never get through domination or victory. The Code itself suggests that through victory you achieve freedom, but until Sidious is lying dead at his feet, he may never know if that’s true. Nor what it cost to get it.

            In front of him was someone that any in his own circle would call weak. A former Jedi, not even a master; young, naïve. But with her he found a sense of peace and calm. Next to her, he felt the darkness recede. Not in a way that would make him fear he was losing power, but rather gaining it. Perhaps she was young, but she was certainly not weak. She might be naïve, but she isn’t blind. She might not have been a master, but she held knowledge even he lacked. And in her, in her eyes, he found something no Sith, no power, no hatred, no domination could ever give him; a home. 

            “Anakin?” she whispered, likely sensing the rush of emotion that had poured through him at that realization. He looked back up and met her eyes. “I don’t know a lot about love... because the Jedi didn’t believe in it. Well, at least not the really deep kind... but do you think love can be dark?”

            He watched her bite her lip. “I don’t know,” he said thoughtfully. “My mother used to tell me there was no greater power in the universe than love. But then my master taught love was the ultimate weakness.”

            “Who do you believe?”

            “I want to say my mother but love never got me anywhere.” He tightened his grip on her hands. “I’ve only suffered greatly for it.”

            “What if love is both?” she asked after a moment. 

            He relaxed his grip on her hands, grateful she hadn’t pulled away. “How could it be the greatest power and the greatest weakness?”

            “What if love is the middle ground you were talking about?” she said, sitting forward, her face lighting up like she was onto something. 

            “I’m not sure I follow...”

            “Think about it!” she said excitedly. “The Jedi believe that love is dangerous and can lead you down a dark path. The Sith believe love is a weakness and associate it with the light side. If the Jedi are one extreme and the Sith the other...” She put her hands out to represent two ends of something. “And a Jedi walks this dangerous path towards the darkness...” She moved her right hand towards the center of her body.

            “And a Sith that feels compassion and doesn’t fear that weakness moves closer to the light...”

            “They meet in the middle!” She clapped her hands together. 

            “Love is the middle, not just because it encompasses both sides, but because it pulls people to it. The Jedi and the Sith aren’t opposites, they’re just ways we separate ourselves from love.” He brought his hand up to stroke his chin. “Love is a gravitational pull that we teach ourselves to resist. But once we pass through the storm...”

            “Calm waters,” she murmured. He thought back to the feeling of drifting across the ocean of possibilities with her there next to him. The peace he’d known there was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. 

            “Love is the force,” he said suddenly. “It binds us, it intersects us, it connects us. We suffer because we resist it or try to control it.”

            “The Jedi know peace and calm, not because they know love, but because they flow with it rather than fight against it,” she said.

            “The Sith know only hatred and suffering because they run from it.” He smiled. It felt like everything he’d been trying to connect for the past twenty-three years finally clicked into place. Love was the answer. His mom was right; Love is the most powerful force in the universe because it _is_ the force. But it is also the greatest weakness, because to experience it, you have to give in; you have to stop fighting or resisting it. “I think you’re onto something, Snips!” He rubbed his hands together. “Let’s see if we can find the eye of the storm.” 

            They both shifted, sitting up straighter and rolling their shoulders, preparing for the dive in and to sit in the same position for a long time. He watched her for a moment as she closed her eyes, the way she relaxed, and a soft smile crossed her lips as though she’d immediately fallen into the arms of something she loved beyond measure. He couldn’t wait to experience the force the same way. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, slowly opening the door that held it at bay until he was ready. It started seeping in.

            Unlike how she met it though, he felt the darkness, the hatred, the anger wash over him. He tried to shake himself and push past it, seeking the eye of the storm; the calm, the light. He reached out for her, but he struggled to find her. The deeper he fell in, the more distracted he got by the stinging pain from years of suffering. Maul popped into his head, followed by a rush of hatred. He pushed it aside, trying to not think about him. To not think about any of that which had caused him so much pain. But the harder he tried to ignore it, the worse it got; it throbbed in the background, demanding to be felt.

            Maul had been nowhere near as cruel as Sidious, but after having been cut in half by Obi Wan, his seething need for revenge had been suffocating, especially as a boy. Maul had been his first teacher. Sidious controlled him, but Maul did the dirty work and he still had plenty of scars from his own brand of cruelty. And plenty of nightmares from the darkness that had radiated off him. He’d been relieved when it had been rumored he’d been killed finally. The word was that he’d gone up against Kenobi and the Jedi master had finished him off. He’d vanished from sight and the suffering by his hand had been replaced by that of Dooku and Sidious himself.

            To find out he was alive, and that worse, he had a brother as evil as he was; he could only imagine the darkness surrounding him now. If he’d lost yet another fight with Obi Wan or had suffered at the hands of Sidious… maybe tracking him down was a far worse idea than needing to ally with him.

            At that thought, he pulled out of the meditation and rubbed his face with his hands. He’d tried to hide his fear and anger from Ahsoka, but she’d grabbed his arm when he’d first heard it, so she probably already knew. He’d tried to distract himself with other things, but just the thought of Maul had a way of coursing through his veins and tightening them to the point he felt like he might just have a stroke.

            The worst part about Maul was that he was uncontrolled; fueled by revenge he could not be reasoned with. He could appear cool and collected as though nothing affected him, but he was like a boiling pot of oil that could burn your soul if you got too close. He was a monster by design. A monster that Sidious had created. But worse than all of that, he was what Sidious had tried to turn him into too. Knowing that made seeing his face that much worse. In his presence you could only doubt your own sanity. In his eyes was reflected the worst parts of yourself.

            The idea of going to someone like him for help sickened him almost worse than asking Sidious for help or the Jedi.

            He sighed and opened his eyes. Crashing around him he felt nothing but darkness, but in front of him sat Ahsoka. She meditated in the calm and light as though she couldn’t even feel it. As he watched her, he felt jealousy that she could find that goodness. That despite the suffering she’d surely endured too, she could shrug it off and reach for better things. Maybe he had a lot more to learn from her than he’d realized.

            She was stunningly pretty. There was an innocence to her that made her seem young sometimes, but there was also wisdom in her eyes. He loved the way the blue sparkled as though they were made of the most precious gems. But he also loved the white markings that framed her face in delicate curves. He liked the diamond shape in the middle of her forehead. He liked the color of her skin and the way it looked next to his. Her features were carved, but soft. She had bronze colored lips and his eyes lingered there far too long. She could probably feel that he hadn’t found her in the meditation, but she was a candle in the darkness and the only way he’d found it before was in her embrace.

            He leaned forward, tired of trying to resist the magnetic pull. If love was the force than she was the embodiment of it. She had no reason to care about him. None at all. If anything, he’d failed miserably to give her a good impression of himself. Yet she’d stayed with him anyways. He’d hurt her, he’d threatened her, he’d definitely scared her and yet… she was still here. She still believed in him. And he prayed to whatever gods might exist out there, that someday he could live up to all that she believed him to be.

            He met her lips, softly at first, but pushing in further, begging for more. She responded eagerly, parting for him to explore her depths. He brought his hands up to take her face in them. Sliding his fingers under her lekku and pulling her closer. She didn’t fight it this time. In fact, she started her own explorations. With her touch, he felt the layers of darkness being stripped away. Connected on a physical and spiritual level, it felt as though she melted into his skin, healing the wounds with her touch.

            He pushed back, not trying to overwhelm her, but needing to feel everything she offered. She fell off her knees and he was over her, kissing her deeper, giving into the need and the want. He slid his hand down her arm and she brought her other hand up to run her fingers through his hair. When he finally came up for air, she was looking up at him, her eyes darker than normal, but not in fear. Her lips were still parted, and she was panting ever so slightly.

            He looked at her mouth again and then went back to more. She arched up, so he could meet them quicker. Even as they searched for everything they’d been missing, he could feel her pulling back. The want was there, the desire… the _need_. But she wasn’t ready yet. Not for what he’d been wanting for a long time now. He was disappointed, but he wouldn’t push her.

            He eased himself down, hoping he didn’t squash her with his weight as he draped himself over her, needing to feel her against every edge of himself. She didn’t protest as he dropped his face on her chest and buried his nose and mouth in her neck, kissing her softly. She stroked his hair and relaxed, knowing that he’d felt that she wasn’t ready and had backed off.

            “Ahsoka,” he breathed, wrapping his arms around her as best he could.

            “Hmm?” she practically purred.

            “Thank you,” he choked, losing his nerve to say what he really wanted to say.

            “For what?”

            “For seeing something in me I thought I lost a long time ago.” He turned his head so he could listen to her heartbeat, trying to distract himself from the tears he wanted to cry but refused to come. Love was a weakness, but if met by somebody like her…  maybe it was a bearable weakness. One worth knowing anyways. But it was also powerful. Powerful because it gave you a reason to push through, to survive and it gave you something to fight for when you thought you’d lost everything else.

            He’d been wrong about that too. Love _had_ done something for him. It had brought him this perfect loving young woman he was now holding onto with everything he had left.

            He felt her lips on the top of his head and her hands stroked his hair. She didn’t say anything, but she felt warm underneath him. He relaxed into her presence and finally he felt in meditation what he’d been searching for earlier; the light.

 

\---

 

            They landed in the middle of chaos. Smoke pillared above buildings in multiple districts. Death was all around them, bodies still littered the streets in varying degrees of decay. Piles of refuse smoldered. Riots were heard everywhere. He turned up his nose as the familiar darkness swirled around him and started suffocating him again.

            “These poor people,” Ahsoka breathed next to him and he put his arm around her shoulders. She looked up at him. “Maul is responsible for this?”

            “It would seem so…” he trailed off as he focused on ruined buildings and people crying as they ran for their lives. Maul was here, he could feel him. But he wasn’t in the streets, he wasn’t the cause of this chaos, rather he sat in hiding while the people destroyed themselves. “Mandalorians have a long history of violence, dating back before the old Republic. This planet has never known peace.”

            “But the Duchess…”

            “The Duchess tried, but as you can see, no one person can undo thousands of years of ingrained behavior,” he explained. “They take pride in feats of strength, in dominating their enemies. I imagine you’ve crossed paths with Death Watch?”

            “Yes, unfortunately.” It sounded like she gritted her teeth.

            “They were barely a small sampling of the destructive nature of Mandalore.” He felt her shiver against him. He wondered how she could have seen the things she had and still seem so pure and untainted. He didn’t believe the Jedi was responsible for her alignment and devotion to the light and to goodness but keeping her sheltered in their delusions had probably had its own impact on her innocence.

            “If Maul can do all this in a few weeks,” she started. “Then surely he could help us bring down Sidious. Assuming he doesn’t become a bigger problem if he even agrees to help us.”

            He balled his hand into a fist. “Well that’s the ultimate question isn’t it? Who can we trust that is powerful enough to stop a monster like Sidious who is also not a monster themselves?” He let go of her and took a deep breath.

            “You can stop him, right?” she asked. “You’re stronger than him?”

            “Maul is deceptive and cold,” he said. “You can’t trust him, nor can you control him. Only Sidious ever held his leash. And he doesn’t care to intervene with his destruction here, though I’m sure he’s well aware of it. It would seem, he is also very hard to kill. So… I don’t know if I can stop him, but if I have to, I will do everything in my power to. Keep your lightsabers close, this is no place for blasters.”

            She shifted, grabbing for them. He’d probably done nothing to ease her fears, but how do you ease them when you don’t know the answer to that? He hadn’t been stronger than him as a child, but he should be now. He feared what Maul might do to her though. And more than that, that he wouldn’t be able to stop him.

            They eased their way through the streets on high alert, trying not to get sucked into the conflict. Most of the people they passed ignored them, busy in their own battles to care about two outsiders. He felt a rush of something and Ahsoka tensed next to him. Then he heard it too.

            A dozen Mandalorians in full armor and jet packs landed around them. She backed into him and they both ignited their lightsabers as blasters were pointed at them.

            “Jedi?” someone said through the muffled vocalizer of their helmet.

            “But he holds a red one, like Maul,” another one growled.

            “I recognize this one though.” The first one that had spoken pointed at Ahsoka and it was his turn to tense, feeling suddenly protective and ready to lash out like a cornered animal. Then he felt her squeeze his arm and she shut off her lightsabers and stepped away. The blasters followed her.

            “Bo Katan,” she said finally.

            To his surprise the first Mandalorian that had spoken stepped forward and removed her helmet, revealing a cut of bright red hair.

            “Did the Jedi send you to help?” the one Ahsoka had addressed as Bo Katan said.

            “I’m afraid not,” Ahsoka replied. “The Jedi don’t know I’m here.” He watched as Bo Katan tightened her hand into a fist, but then waved for the others to lower their weapons.

            “After Maul killed the Duchess, Kenobi left him here for us to deal with. We’ve been doing all we can to clean up this mess, but we need help. Can you call the Jedi?” she asked.

            “I don’t think they’d come if I did,” Ahsoka said sadly. “I’m not exactly on the best terms with them. Neither of us are.” She beckoned to him.

            Bo Katan turned and looked at him, sweeping her judgmental gaze up and down him as though she were still wearing her helmet that feeds you information as you scan people. “Who are you?” she demanded.

            “Anakin Skywalker,” he said.

            “Another Sith?” someone else asked, raising their blaster again.

            “What is your purpose here?” Bo Katan signaled for him to stand down.

            “We came hoping to recruit Maul to destroy Darth Sidious,” Ahsoka said. “The Chancellor of the Republic is another Sith that must be stopped.”

            To both of their surprise the Mandalorians all started laughing. “You can’t be serious?” Bo Katan said. “The elderly frail leader of the Republic is a Sith like Maul and him?” She pointed at him. He suddenly wanted to put them in their place, but again Ahsoka grabbed his arm and somehow he stopped himself.

            “His appearance is deceptive,” she said softly. “I didn’t believe it at first either.”

            “Why do you want to kill him?”

            “To put an end to this war and free all the people he’s hurt and enslaved,” Ahsoka said, surprisingly passionately and he couldn’t help but smile.

            “And you think Maul will help you with that?”

            “Maul has no love for Sidious either,” he growled. “He was just as much a slave to him as I was.”

            “Be that as it may,” Bo Katan said, “I doubt you’ll have any luck recruiting him. But perhaps we could come to an accord.” She brought her hands up and stroked her chin. “Do you really believe you have a chance at stopping this Darth Sidious?”

            “Yes,” Ahsoka said before he could speak. He nearly jumped in surprise at the confidence in her tone.

            Bo Katan turned and looked at the other Mandalorians around her. “If we help you stop the Chancellor, will you help us destroy Maul?” Him and Ahsoka glanced at each other. She handed Ahsoka a communicator. “Think about it and let us know what you decide.” The Mandalorians put their helmets back on and kicked off the ground, flying away into the distance. He stared after them, thinking about what they’d said. Mandalorians were violent but could be more reasonable than Maul. They’d be powerful allies, even against a force user as powerful as Sidious. They were no stranger to that darkness. For generations they’d once walked side by side with them. Surely their abilities to defeat them still lived somewhere in their blood. And they seemed to like Ahsoka, which made him wonder what he didn’t know about this good little Jedi standing next to him.

            “Strength,” she laughed after a moment.

            “What?”

            “They respect a show of strength,” she said. “Bo Katan was the second in command of Death Watch. I’m not sure what happened to Pre Vizsla, but years ago I got entangled with them because a friend of mine was seeking revenge against Dooku. I tried to stop them from destroying a local village and they captured me. I killed a few of them before we got away.”

            “You killed several of the Death Watch Mandalorians?” he asked, feeling a rush of awe for her. He knew she was powerful, but this was unexpected.

            “It was unfortunate it came to that,” she murmured, the good Jedi part of her taking over again. “But it would appear that Bo Katan respects that and is willing to put that aside if we help them.” She turned to look at him. “You know Maul better than I do, who would be the better ally to help us stop Sidious?”

            “Probably the Mandalorians,” he admitted. “But I think we should still talk to Maul first, he could have changed since I saw him last.”

            “You think so?”

            “No.” She pushed his arm in jest, but they continued towards the palace. He didn’t really want to get involved in other conflicts. Once Sidious was dead, he just wanted to disappear and let others worry about mopping up the dark lord’s mess. As far as he was concerned, bringing down that tyrannical monster would more than earn him his freedom. So even if Death Watch were willing to help, they wanted their help in return and he didn’t want to fight this war anymore. Or any war, for that matter. Maul would probably also make some kind of demand, but at least if he was next to them fighting Sidious, they could end him afterwards and not have to follow through with whatever they agreed to.

            “Can you feel it?” she asked as they slipped into the foyer of the throne room.

            “Sidious has been here,” he said in surprise, narrowing his eyes. “Recently.”

            “Did he kill Maul and his brother?”

            “Maul is alive.” He gritted his teeth again. “I can feel him.”

            “You don’t think Sidious recruited him again?”

            “I don’t think so, but it’s possible Maul was becoming too powerful and Sidious felt the need to put him in his place,” he said.

            The throne room was dark, darker than it should have been for the time of day. Broken glass littered the floor along the side with floor to ceiling windows. Dark cloths and banners hung along them, blocking most of it. He swallowed as it felt like they walked through a blast of burning hatred. She tensed next to him, but boldly moved forward anyways.

            “You’re not welcome here,” came a voice from the darkness. “What do you want?”

            “An audience,” he said. There was cruel mocking laughter in response.

            “An audience with me?” It was followed by a growl. “I don’t entertain.” They both went flying backwards and he reached out to protect her, so she didn’t hit the wall so hard. But she was on her feet before him and racing back towards Maul with her lightsabers out. “Lady Tano. I’m so disappointed you weren’t here to see your master suffer. It was a sight to see.”

            He dragged himself to his feet. He was not going to let Maul hurt her. “What you did to my master was despicable,” she said. “But that’s not why we’re here.”

            “Oh?” The darkness crawled away as curiosity swept in. “You,” Maul said suddenly as he stepped back up next to her. “Has Sidious sent you to finish me?”

            “No,” he replied. “I’m here of my own accord.”

            “Still a fool, I see,” Maul growled.

            “We want your help,” she said.

            “My help?” Maul stepped into the dim light at last. He was a wreck. It was clear he’d been wallowing in his misery and hatred.

            “We want to kill Sidious,” she persisted.

            Maul laughed again. “You don’t know what you’re up against, Lady Tano.” He stepped closer and ran a long, pointed finger along her jaw but she didn’t back down. “Even with his help, or mine, you don’t stand a chance. He’s too powerful.” He paced a moment. “He humiliated me!” Ahsoka raised her arms to protect herself from the blast of hatred. “He killed my brother!” He pointed to the body still lying on the floor in the corner. “He took everything from me!”

            “Then help us destroy him!” she said pressing forward, fighting his darkness with her own light. “Help us stop him. Sith are all about revenge, aren’t they? Help us and you’ll be free of him, once and for all!”

            “You know nothing!” Maul’s anger flared again, and he realized almost too late that there was no help for this broken man. Maul didn’t have the same motivation, the same understanding of what it would take to escape Sidious.

            He reached out and grabbed Ahsoka protectively, pulling her back towards the exit. Shielding her from the attacks that Maul sent their way. “Go, go, go!” he ordered. She hesitated, and he pushed her towards the door, spinning to put up his lightsaber just in time to stop Maul from severing his head.

            “It was a mistake to come here,” Maul said maniacally. “I know just where to apply the pressure to you. Do you remember?” He twirled under his arm and tried to pull him away from Ahsoka. He could feel her intense need to help him and he silently begged her to stay put.

            “You’re a fool!” he yelled at Maul. “We could have helped you, but you’re too blinded by revenge to see it.”

            “I don’t need your pathetic help!” They danced around the throne room. Maul had the strength he remembered, but he also had the reckless passion of the Sith. The kind that made him jab instead of block or keep fighting when he should yield. He leapt around, grateful that he hadn’t lost his power, but unfortunately, he had to throw more darkness behind his strokes in order to keep up with the crazy rantings and wild swings.

            He slipped on something and watched as Maul landed over him about to bring down the final strike. His eyes widened as Maul went flying backwards into the far wall and Ahsoka pulled him to his feet. The next thing he knew they were running from the throne room, panting outside where Maul had refused to follow as though he feared the light of the sun.

            “He’s not going to help us, is he?” Ahsoka asked after a moment and he looked at her in disappointment.

            “You think?” he smirked. His senses were still tingling from the fight. He’d thought he was stronger than that, he thought he could beat Maul. And he might have, but… He glanced at Ahsoka again. Maybe now wasn’t the time to be weak.


	15. Chapter 15

            “I don’t understand!” she huffed. “Even if he’s not on good terms with you or the Jedi, he has every reason to want to stop Sidious. Why won’t he help us? I thought Sith thrived on revenge.” They were headed back towards their ship and she was trying her best to ignore the violence around her. She wanted to run to all of them and help. She wanted to fix this for them. But even if they helped Death Watch take out Maul, these people needed more than that. Despite her best efforts to resist the surge of frustration, it kept bubbling to the surface anyways. 

            It was irrational to blame Master Kenobi for this, but in a way, she did. It wasn’t that he was responsible for Maul’s behavior, but it bothered her that he did nothing to try and stop it. Even with the war raging out there, it didn’t make sense to leave someone so dangerous, loose and free to cause all of this. Maybe it wasn’t the Jedi way to seek revenge, but how could they knowingly let Maul continue even after he killed the Duchess? Was it really revenge to stop a monster from hurting more people?

            “It’s not that simple, Ahsoka,” Anakin murmured finally, interrupting her thoughts. “Yes, revenge is one of the motivators for the dark side; it creates a lot of intense emotions to feed on and fuel your power. But Sith seek power through control, through domination. And one of the ways they achieve that is through fear.”

            “I know that, but…”

            He raised a hand to cut her off and stopped walking. “No, you don’t understand,” he said in agitation and she raised a brow at him. “They don’t just use fear to control the common people and retain power. They use it on everyone that works for them; officers, apprentices, lackeys. In order to keep control over those that work for them, the methods they use to incite it are more terrible than you can imagine. They need powerful people, but not more powerful than them.”

            “So they torture you?” she whispered, remembering his confession from before. “Or the people you love.”

            She saw him tighten his hand into a fist. “Or worse,” he breathed. It took him a few minutes to calm down and she waited until he did, hoping she hadn’t pushed him too far. She was trying to understand, she really was, but it was hard to imagine the things he talked about. “The point being, to keep control over someone means to break them to the point that they believe the only way they can live is to serve. Do you remember what I said about slavery?”

            “It’s a state of mind,” she repeated.

            “In order for slavery to exist, someone has to hold power over others, or at the very least, appear to do so. Very rarely is the slaver more powerful, but through fear, they train the slave to believe that they are powerless to escape the situation. Any that try, are made examples of until the slaves feel utterly helpless,” he sighed. “A properly broken-down slave is the only being a Sith truly trusts. Because if you live in fear of your slaver, your obedience is never questioned.”

            “That’s awful,” she whispered, knowing that her words didn’t help. She couldn’t hold them in though.

            “So yes, Maul wants revenge on Sidious, but he feels powerless to do so. Sidious’ show of power recently, and also by murdering his brother, he reminded Maul that though he no longer works for him, he still holds the power.” He rubbed his hands together and stared at the ground. She wanted to comfort him, but she wasn’t sure how he’d take it at the moment.

            “His fear of him outweighs his need for revenge,” she said, finally realizing what he was talking about.

            “Yes and no,” he said. “Revenge is a great motivator if you don’t feel helpless to acquire it. In Maul’s case, he wants revenge on Sidious more than anyone else because Sidious is who turned him into that.” He gestured back towards the palace. “But because he was broken down by Sidious to the point of believing he does not have comparable power to his master, he focuses his need for revenge on other targets.”

            “Like master Kenobi.”

            “Yes.” He reached out and touched her softly on the shoulder. “Or two people stupid enough to walk into his lair.” She smirked at him. “Master Kenobi made him suffer too, but not the same way. Despite the Jedi’s power, he was not his slave master, therefore, he doesn’t feel the same helplessness in attempting revenge on him. So, he will continue to try, probably until he’s killed.”

            “But Sidious did the same thing to you and you’re not like that,” she said hopefully. He looked at her with pity, which confused her.

            “He did. And I probably would be in the same position as Maul…” He looked down at his feet.

            “So why aren’t you?”

            “You.” He met her eyes and she sucked in a breath at the intensity of his gaze.

            “How did I stop it?” She furrowed her brow. “You’re the one that came to rescue me from jail.”

            “Perhaps,” he said, chewing on his lip. “But I gave you every reason in the world to fight me or want me dead. Instead, you showed me compassion. Your willingness to listen and help me made me feel like I wasn’t lost yet. I could fight him. I may not be free of him yet, but you made me believe I  _could_  be free of him. That alone, reminded me of my own power. It made me feel less helpless.”

            She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him, running her fingers through his hair. He looked startled at first, but then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. “Maul wouldn’t listen to our offer.”

            “He doesn’t know what I do,” he whispered. “He won’t know it.”

            “He doesn’t know love.”

            “Or its power.” He ran a finger down her cheek, but then to her surprise, he pulled away. “Love is powerful, but it’s also a weakness. People like Maul, who have done nothing but seek power throughout their life will never consent to giving any of it away because they do not understand how it could make them stronger.” He looked at her again, sadly. “Unfortunately, we don’t have time to explore its power right now. And if we’re going to beat him… we can’t be weak either.” He turned on his heels and started walking towards the ship again. She stared after him feeling both confused and hurt.

            Something that happened in there with Maul had changed something in him. On one hand he was talking to her like he’d been, but she felt him pulling away by the second and now… She took a deep breath and sat down on a broken crate. Chaos raged around her. If she allowed it, the violence would overwhelm her. Despite following around someone with so much darkness inside him, she’d started to get used to the way it felt. And maybe she was forgetting some of what it was like to be in the middle of the war; to feel the people’s pain or smell death everywhere you went. Being here and not helping went against everything she believed in.

            But the last thing they needed right now was to doubt themselves. Maybe if they’d never faced Maul they could have stopped the Chancellor by now, but instead… now he appeared to be doubting everything again. In fact, it had felt a bit too much like he blamed her for not being able to beat Maul. _Love was a weakness_. Did that mean he saw her as his weakness? That he’d have a better chance at beating Sidious without her there?

            She looked up at the cloudy sky, half expecting to see him take off and leave her there, but he didn’t. Making up her mind, she pulled out the communicator Bo Katan had given her and pressed the button. A few seconds later, coordinates appeared on the device and she got to her feet and headed in that direction.

            If Death Watch was willing to help them stop Sidious, then by all means, she’d welcome their help. Even if it meant coming back here to face Maul again. Despite no longer being part of the Jedi order, and despite following a Sith around, Maul needed to be stopped. So, if she had to come back here without him to do so, so be it.

            She didn’t know how, but she was going to prove to him that she wasn’t a weakness. Or that their love wasn’t. She didn’t know much about love, but she knew in her gut that what they had was special. She knew it meant more than just a way to stave off the loneliness. If it didn’t, there’s no possible way they would have connected that deeply in the force. The force had brought them together. Shown them that they needed each other. Shown them that maybe there was a different path; not Jedi, not Sith, something bigger, something far more powerful. Something untainted or untouched; and _it_ was the key to beating Sidious. No lightsaber or rocket pack was going to stop him.

            But… those would help.

            She stopped in front of the warehouse and her comm beeped, indicating she’d reached her destination. Two Mandalorian warriors leapt out from behind cover and raised their weapons at her.

            “Bo Katan is expecting me,” she said, crossing her arms.

            “You expect us to take you at your word?” one of them snarled. Neither of these men had been part of the first group that had greeted them. She held up the comm device that was blinking and pressed the button.

            “Jac. Kamar. Stand down,” Bo Katan’s voice came through the comm. They looked at it irritated but put their weapons away and led her inside. “I see you survived your visit with Maul.” Bo stood up and set her helmet down on the table. “Where’s your friend?”

            “He’s waiting on the ship,” she replied finally, deciding she didn’t want to tell the Mandalorians that their relationship might be a little strained at the moment.

            “I assume if you’re here, you’ve reconsidered our offer from earlier.”

            “I have,” she started and looked around. There were about a dozen soldiers in sight. If Sidious was as powerful as Anakin said, she hoped they’d be enough. But if this same group couldn’t stop Maul, what hope did they have stopping Sidious? “And I accept. Help us stop Sidious, the Chancellor of the Republic, and I will return to help you reclaim Mandalore from Maul.”

            “Are you serious, boss?” someone said from a corner, she could barely make out the figure. “You think one puny little Jedi is going to help us stop Maul?”

            “I’m not a Jedi,” she said before she could stop to think. “I’m much more powerful than that.” It wasn’t a lie, right? She did feel stronger, since Anakin had started training her. She didn’t feel so insecure, she wasn’t questioning what she could do anymore. Though they’d not spent a lot of time training together, she’d been practicing the moves he’d shown her.

            “This little Togruta has spunk,” Bo laughed. “When I first met her, she took down five of the best soldiers Death Watch had. But if you still doubt her power, perhaps we can have a little match?”

            She chewed her lip, almost wishing Anakin was here right now. He’d probably just tell her she wasn’t strong enough to handle it. “When and where?” she said instead.

            “Now and outside town,” Bo answered, and she nodded in agreement. “It’s settled then. Pack up, we’re heading to the training grounds.”

            She meditated on her way there, hoping what she’d shown in the warehouse wasn’t false bravado. Even if she beat them, Anakin wouldn’t be there to see it. Besides, what good would it do to hurt people who she needed help from? Yeah, the Mandalorians respected feats of strength, but they should be directing their strength at more worthy targets than her.

            Standing in the middle of the ring, she tightened her grip on her lightsabers, watching as her first opponent paced back and forth. He was either trying to intimidate her or he was too antsy to get started that he couldn’t stand still. She narrowed her eyes and rolled her shoulders. It had been awhile since she’d fought to the death, even though she’d still been fighting since leaving the order. She didn’t want to kill them though, and she said so. Bo Katan had laughed and said they would fight to the end, if she wanted to win, then she had to. 

            So, what? Even if she proved to the clan that she was a worthy ally, they’d still be down soldiers.

            Bo fired the pistol and he launched himself at her. She spun out of the way, picking up her speed and falling into practiced motions. She deflected the blaster fire he sent her way and flipped over him when he charged her. She spun low and slashed across his shin armor. It wasn’t enough to inflict a wound, but it made him growl and hit a button on his arm guard. The next thing she knew, she was dancing away from a burst of flames.

            When he’d run out of fuel, she lunged back at him, forcing him to duck and rolled over his back. He fired at her a few more times, which she again blocked with her sabers. Then she twirled around, swinging first low and again high. He jumped out of the way of the first strike but staggered on his landing and she cut a gash across his arm just beneath his shoulder guards.

            Angry now, he charged at her like a wild animal and she was forced to dodge out of the way, but she slid in the mud and he nearly bowled her over. She used the force to steady herself and get back to her feet.

            She was vaguely aware of the Mandalorians cheering around them. She didn’t know who they were cheering for, or if she even wanted to know. She tried to keep her attention on the fight. He spun at one point and knocked her right lightsaber out of her hand. Remembering her sparring session with Anakin, she instantly flipped the left one forward and slashed wide. He jumped back as it went straight across his chest. His armor fell away, and she summoned her other saber back to her main hand. He glanced down at his broken armor as though in surprise and then back up at her.

            Even as their fight wore on, she became aware that she kept defaulting to defense or non-lethal blows. Which though currently, was keeping her alive, was also doing very little to slow down her opponent. Some things Anakin had said to her floated back into her brain;  _the Jedi hold you back_. _The Jedi refuse to stop monsters like Sidious. They preach the light side and goodness but do nothing to stop the evil._   _Thinking like a Jedi won’t stop what’s coming_ …  _What is your purpose?_

            She narrowed her eyes again, refocusing on the man on the other side of the ring. Beating him meant she was one step closer to stopping Sidious. Beating him meant she could save Anakin. He was her purpose and she would not let him down. 

            She took a deep breath and fell into the force. She pushed through the light, releasing her hold. She let herself drift away; towards the middle. Towards the grey area. She really hoped she knew what she was doing.

            In her heightened state, she felt the Mandalorian’s movements in the force. She could feel his steps, the way he swung his arms, his breaths and even his grunts of pain from the shoulder injury earlier. She felt his determination though, he really thought he was going to win this. 

            She opened her eyes again, swinging both her lightsabers into her reverse grip. She bent her knees, rubbing her toe through the mud searching for the right footing. She felt a swirl of power beyond anything she’d ever known before. Not quite like in the cave on Vanquor, something stronger.  _Purpose fuels you._

            She ran at him, letting loose. She jabbed instead of blocked, but kept her focus not on winning, but on surviving.  _You fight to survive_. She  _had_  to survive if she was going to complete her purpose. The fight both blurred in front of her but also sharpened. Everything faded away except the person she was fighting. He became more than solid, sharp compared to their surroundings. 

            She felt darkness seeping in, she felt things turning red and cold. She didn’t like it, but she kept going. Love was in the middle, through the storm. _The force_. She pushed through, singular in focus and intention. She felt her movements become more precise, more determined. She felt strength pump through her blood, fear and insecurity recede. She moved instinctually, letting go of years of seeking perfection and perfect marks. 

            Then she saw the person’s face as he looked up from his knees. “I yield,” he said. But something tickled her senses. Something told her to finish him. A voice whispering from the deeper reaches. Unfriendly, _painful_. 

            She shut off her lightsabers and stepped back, ignoring the urge. It wasn’t love, it was the temptation of the dark side. She’d found the eye of the storm, but she’d almost gone straight through it to the other side. It lingered for a few moments longer and then slithered away. Her heart was racing. 

            She looked down at her opponent, seeing the damage she’d caused for the first time. Evidenced by his wounds, the gray area held great power, but only if you could control it. She blinked, and the rest of the people swam back into view, the frozen world reanimated again.

            “Impressive,” Bo was saying, her hand clapped her on the shoulder. “We haven’t seen a fight like that in years.” She took her right hand and raised it above her head, announcing her victory to the cheering crowd. “Has she proven herself?” she asked them. “Or does somebody else want to give it a go?”

            “I wish to enter,” came a familiar voice and her attention snapped to the left as the crowd parted to let him through.

            Her eyes widened as he stepped forward, pulled off his shirt and threw it to the side. She felt a rush of fear as she saw his golden eyes narrow in determination, his fingers tightened on his blood red lightsaber as he brandished it in front of him. He looked absolutely terrifying in that moment and it was a wonder she’d ever looked at him and felt love. 

            Bo Katan dropped her hand and sidled out of the ring, making some kind of announcement that just became a jumbled mess of words. What was he playing at? Had all the stuff he’d said to her before been a trick?

            “Come on, Snips. Are you too scared to fight me?” Anakin taunted. She furrowed her brow. She felt heaviness in his words, she started feeling weighed down and that’s when it dawned on her what he was doing. Dun Möch. 

            She reignited her lightsabers, feeling the pressure of this fight. To stop Sidious, she had to beat him or prove her strength. And she suddenly understood. This wasn’t a trick, it was a test. If he needed proof she was ready, then she was going to prove it. She  _would_  prove it, there was no alternative. 

            She felt her blood start tingling again as she remembered what she’d felt fighting the first warrior and she closed her eyes again, falling back into the eye of the storm. The weight of his words lifted, and she felt a sense of calm and certainty. And power, definitely power. 

            In a burst of speed, she raced at him, twirling to build momentum. He had strength, she had speed. She bombarded him with fast and intense attacks, she never let up. He met her relentless swings, stepping into power and darkness like she’d never felt from him. He was the chosen one, the most powerful force user there was, but she was keeping up with him. More than that, she was tipping the scale. 

            They danced around, focused only on each other, only on their fight. She dodged and weaved under his heavy strikes, she let his words slide off her shoulders. She stayed in the eye of the storm and let it guide her, constantly rebalancing herself as necessary. If she felt herself drift dark, she lightened her swing. If she relented or defaulted to defending, she’d switch grips and push in harder. 

            She had no idea how much time passed, she lost track of everything but keeping pace with him. She liked him shirtless but ignored the temptation. She no longer feared his judgements, or his taunts. 

            And then finally they landed ten yards apart and both sent a wave of the force at each other. He’d sent a blast of darkness, she’d sent a blast of light. She stared in awe as it hit in the middle and burst from the contact in a million directions and colors. They both pushed more into it, fueling the lightshow, knowing instinctively it was something only they could see. That’s when she noticed it. An opening of some kind, the way the light swirled around the middle as though orbiting a star. 

            She looked up from the clash of light and dark, she saw him, focused and intent on winning; his jaw was set, his determination in every taut muscle. But the vision slid past that. She saw his tenderness, his pain, his broken soul. She felt it amplified through this connection.          He was pushing his weakness into that opening. It swirled in the maelstrom and raced through her too. And in the deepest reaches of it, she felt his love. The warmth, the power, the light. 

            She shifted her power, yielding to his blast. Drawing the love she felt through her veins and sending it back to him, twice as strong. She watched his eyes widen and he looked at her.      She smiled, tipping her head towards the middle. He sent a wave of light at it and she sent a wave of darkness; both of them watched in amazement as it spun around, building power, gaining strength. Balancing out the force, it multiplied in power and then it burst out in all directions, a blast of power nobody had been prepared for. 

            She sat up on her elbows from the mud puddle and started laughing. Every single person within fifty yards of them in every direction was on the ground. Some were panicking, some were rubbing their head in confusion, and some were staring dumbfounded at the two of them.

            She rolled over to her hands and knees and crawled over to him, where he was still staring at the sky in a daze. “What do you think, Skyguy?” She smacked him on the knee. “Did I prove to you I was ready?”

            He turned his head to look at her, she could swear she could see the gears working in his brain. 

            “What the kriff just happened?” he asked.

            “The eye of the storm,” she smiled as he studied her face. “Love is balance. When the light side and the dark side work together, the force exists in its most powerful state; balance. The prophecy of the chosen one says that you’re to bring balance to the force, does it not?”

            “Uh, yeah...” he started cautiously.

            “You can’t do that with just the darkness, you need the light too. You need love,” she said. 

            “Sidious wants to unbalance the force,” he murmured. “He wants to destroy love.”

            “But love can’t die.” She forgot her fingers were muddy and ran it down his face, leaving a trail of it. “Oops,” she muttered, looking for something to wipe it off, but came up empty. 

            He didn’t react to the mud, in fact he looked completely unbothered by it. “He hoped by turning me evil, the force could never again know balance.”

            “It would seem that way,” she said sadly. He turned back to face her. 

            “But I wouldn’t know balance without you.” She smiled at him. 

            “It’s the will of the force, you’re by my side,” she repeated what he’d said to her before. “It wants to stay in balance, so it brought us together.”

            He tipped his head up and she met his waiting lips, sinking into the feelings she was starting to really enjoy. Who was she kidding? She’d been enjoying them for a long time now. Maybe she was finally appreciating them. 

            “I don’t know what the hell just happened,” Bo Katan said, standing over them. “But when you bring down the Chancellor, all of Mandalore will have your back.”


	16. Chapter 16

            “Anakin.” He glanced to the side at her and then back at the controls as he pulled the ship out of hyperspace near Coruscant. 

            “Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts,” he muttered, preparing the landing sequence. 

            “I’m not,” she said quickly, but he saw her look down at her hands out of the corner of his eye.

            “Then what is it, Snips?”

            “I just want you to know,” she seemed to start carefully. Her tone distracted him from what he was doing, and he finally gave her his full attention. “Whatever happens, down there... I’m not sorry I met you. As crazy as all of this is... I’m not sorry for any of it.”

            He studied her face for a few minutes in silence. She seemed to wipe her eyes like she was trying to stop herself from crying. He furrowed his brow. What would there be for her to be sorry about? She’d done nothing wrong. Maybe to the Jedi order, maybe to the Republic, she was in the wrong, but to him? No, she was perfect. Was she scared? Was she afraid they weren’t going to be able to stop Sidious? Was she afraid they wouldn’t survive this?

            “Why would you be sorry?” he asked, still unsure of just what she was trying to say. 

            “I said I’m not sorry!” She crossed her arms. 

            “But what are you not sorry about that you obviously feel you ought to be sorry about?” he smirked at her. 

            She looked at him both in annoyance and also frustration. Then she sighed and dropped her shoulders. “I don’t know how to explain it and we don’t have time for me to figure it out.”

            He reached forward and pulled back on the controls, slowing the ship. Then he shut down the power and let it drift. Sure, time was of the essence in the sense that now that they were here in orbit, it wouldn’t be long before Sidious sensed them. But he wasn’t about to start a fight like this without understanding where she was mentally. She stared out the window for a moment, her eyes widening and then she looked at him. 

            “Why’d you stop?”

            “Because I want to understand.” She blushed and looked down at her hands. 

            “I told you I don’t know how to explain it,” she whispered.

            He leaned back in the chair and put his hands behind his head. “Then I guess we’ll be floating here awhile until you figure it out.”

            She scowled at him. “I thought you wanted to stop him? I thought you wanted to be free? We’re wasting time...” 

            He flashed her a look and she trailed off. “From the first moment Sidious hurt my mother, I’ve thought of nothing but destroying him. I’ve come so far, worked so hard for a dream that it was possible to escape him,” he said after awhile. “There’s nothing I want more, but...”

            “But what?” She seemed to suck in a breath like she was hanging on his every word. 

            He looked up at her perfect face, feelings welled to the surface. Feelings he ought not to be feeling. He didn’t want to be afraid, he didn’t want to second guess everything. Part of him wanted to just take her and run away. Who really cared if Sidious was stopped or not? As long as he was with her, it didn’t matter. Sidious would try to use his feelings for her against him. He’d try to control him by hurting her, just like he’d done with his mother. 

            The words choked in his throat and he sighed. If he said the words aloud, he was sure he’d lose her. “Nevermind.” 

            He felt the rush of disappointment she let out when she exhaled the breath she’d been holding. How could he tell her he loved her? How could he ask her to stay with him? If they didn’t die trying to stop the chancellor, she’d be heralded as a hero. The Jedi would ask her back. No matter what she said about following him through this, she wanted to go back. He felt it from her all the time. He felt her ache, her need, her heart pulling away. And no matter what they  _could_  have, he wouldn’t hold her here against her will. 

            But oh, when she kissed him, it felt like the whole universe lit up with possibilities. It was like every ounce of potential burst around them and as he’d melt beneath her lips, he wanted nothing more than to explore everything that they could be. What he wanted to tell her was that from the moment she’d agreed to stay with him, to help him, his need for revenge had been squashed by something so much bigger. How suddenly everything he’d strived for no longer mattered to him as much as she did. How he’d give everything up if she wanted them to have a future. 

            It was crazy though. They really didn’t know each other at all, in the grand scheme of things. What little time they’ve had together in the past few years had been wrought with pain, hardship and suffering. How much of her feelings or actions were rooted only in compassion or pity? Did she only see them as temporary partners? Could she ever see him as more? He felt things from her, like she wanted it, but she’d admitted dozens of times how unsure she was of what she was feeling. He was almost certain that she could never ever love him as much as he loved her. So, he’d never say the words aloud. He wouldn’t utter that weakness into reality. 

            To his surprise, she rose from her seat and drifted towards him. He looked up at her with an unexpected rush of anticipation. She pushed him back against the chair and crawled onto his lap, leaning her head against his chest. He stared at her a moment in disbelief and then he wrapped his arms tightly around her back and pulled her closer. 

            “All I ever wanted was to be a Jedi Knight,” she breathed after awhile. “I pushed myself outrageously hard to earn that rank and title. When everything came crashing down, letting go of that was nearly impossible. Even after being cast out, I wanted to go back, I wanted to regain my honor. I wanted to prove to them I would never do anything to jeopardize that dream. And then...”

            It was his turn to hold his breath, needing to know what she was going to say, hoping it was what he desperately wanted to hear.

            She shifted a bit, so she could look up at his face and reached a hand out to brush his unruly mane out of his eyes. “I found a better dream.” He choked up at her words, certain he was about to start crying. “I thought being a Jedi Knight was all I could be. Until I met you. The force led me away from the Jedi, away from my dreams and my visions and hopes for the future. Once all of that had been stripped away, I could finally see what really mattered. And it’s not a rank, or a title, or prestige or power. It’s people. It’s _love_.”

            “Ahsoka...” he breathed. 

            “So... I’m not sorry. About any of it. I think everyone would say I should be. But how can I?” She ran her fingers down his cheek and he admired the way her long dark lashes swept her face and framed her deep, brilliant blue eyes. “Whatever happens when we face Sidious... whether we win or lose. I just want you to know, that you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

            “I love you,” he whispered before he could stop it. “From the first time I saw you, it felt like you held my future in your eyes. I didn’t want to love you, I shouldn't. I couldn’t. But I did. I do.” He dropped his face down on her shoulder, waiting for her to pull away, waiting for the inevitable rejection. The seconds ticked by, but it never came.

            “Not so long ago,” she breathed, her warm breath tantalizing against his cheek. “I didn’t know what love was. But I do now. Love is a purpose, a reason to fight for. It’s a shelter from life’s crazy storms. It’s hopes and dreams of better things. Love is home. You’re my home.”

            He turned his head to kiss her forehead. She snuggled in closer and held him tight. She hadn’t exactly promised him a future. She hadn’t exactly said the words back to him, but he felt it radiate from her, as though she were her own heat source. He sunk into her light, once again feeling that calm drifting along under an endless sea of stars. _Love is home_. Sidious doesn’t know what love is. Sidious is trying to destroy it. 

            “Come on, Snips,” he said finally. “We have a galaxy to save.”

            She smacked him softly on the shoulder. “Right beside you, Skyguy.” He wasn’t able to hold the smile back. How could he when just being near her made him feel lighter and stronger? Today they were fighting for all those things and more. And today... they would win.

 

—-

 

            “Kill only if you have to,” she said as they walked into the senate building, side by side. Either the guards had forgotten they were fugitives, or Sidious knew they were coming and decided to just let them come. He was cocky enough, the latter was most likely the reason no one stopped them.

            Bo Katan and the rest of her group of Mandalorians had amassed in the senate plaza. Nobody had stopped them from landing or made them drop their weapons. Though he could sense the guards’ wariness at their presence. She’d brought nearly a hundred soldiers, far more than had been present for their skirmish outside the capital. 

            Ahsoka had instructed them to watch the perimeter, to intervene only if it became a war zone. She’d also told them to protect the citizens at all costs and to disable, not destroy.

            Deep in the force, moving through the building, he could feel the tensions rising. Whispers were flying around them, questions, fear, concern. But also, confusion at why no one had stopped them. People were backing away; ducking down hallways and back into fancy offices or lounges; the rich people that controlled what the poor could or couldn’t have. He felt his fingers tighten in a fist. 

            Ahsoka walked next to him, her shoulders high, her chin tipped back. She was surprisingly peaceful, confident. Purpose radiated from her. The expression on her face one of calm, but determination. Her intensity and readiness to face this threat, to be honest, blew his mind. Despite not knowing the full power that Sidious possessed, her confidence wasn’t ill placed. Everything they needed to beat him, they had; _together_. 

            It was difficult to push aside the doubts. And he was thankful she was here, or he might have turned right back around and run away. He wanted to be free, and his anticipation was growing. But so was his fear. His mind kept drifting to Maul, to how he refused to believe he had the power to beat his master. Was he wrong to think he could? Was he the fool Maul had claimed?

            They turned a corner and his teeth clenched. Standing between them and the Chancellor’s office were Master Kenobi and Senator Amidala. Hatred rose in him so fast, he almost lost control. _Resentment, darkness, suffering_. If anything could get in the way of successfully beating his master, it was the demons of his past that haunted him the most.

            “Stand back, Senator,” Master Kenobi said, putting one arm out to push her away when he noticed them. “Let me handle this.”

            Padmé backed up, wide-eyed, looking around as though for someone to call for help. He saw her start reaching into the sleeves of her long robes and he waved his hand, sending her back into the wall. Not hard enough to hurt her, but enough to knock the blaster free and away from her. 

            “What are you two doing here?” Kenobi demanded, reaching for his lightsaber. He narrowed his eyes at the tired Jedi master and then glanced at Ahsoka. Last she’d seen him, she’d frozen in place, burning from his rejection and disappointment. But this time, this time she didn’t even slow her steps. 

            “Stand aside, Master,” she said in such a commanding manner, even the Jedi raised his eyebrows in surprise. “We’re here for the Chancellor.”

            “Then I’m afraid I cannot stand aside,” Kenobi said. “It would be wise for you to leave now.”

            “Please, Master,” she said, but even so, reached for her lightsabers. “I do not want to fight you, but the Chancellor must be stopped.”

            “He’s been feeding you lies, Ahsoka,” Obi Wan said. “Of course the Separatists would want to kill the Chancellor. It’s what the Sith have been after all along.” He tensed next to her, feeling as though any second now, he’d blow a fuse. As arrogant as ever, the Jedi blindly defend the most evil person out there. They refuse to listen, they stand in the way. His hatred rushed through his veins, pumping through his heart like poison. The Jedi disgusted him. How could they possibly call themselves good? How could they think they represent the light? They are more evil than the Sith! Maybe not in methods, but certainly in complacency. 

            He pulled his lightsaber to his hand and ignited it. Stepping side to side and brandishing it. Oh, how he’d revel putting down the person that had shattered his greatest dreams so long ago. Oh, how badly he wanted revenge for what they did to him. But worse than all of that, a sudden rush of fear hit him, what if Ahsoka listened to him? What if she turned on him? 

            “The Chancellor  _is_  the Sith Lord,” Ahsoka snarled from beside him and he nearly jumped in surprise. He felt her drifting darker, like he’d witnessed from her on Mandalore. He could feel it rise in her as she pushed through to the eye of the storm.

            “That’s impossible,” Kenobi said, igniting his lightsaber at last. “The Jedi would have sensed it.” 

            “The Jedi are blind,” she spat. And without another word, she leapt at Obi Wan, flipping and igniting her lightsabers in mid-air. He watched her in awe for a moment as she fought with the same ferocity he’d felt from her before. 

            “So, this is your choice now, child?” Kenobi taunted. “You chose the dark side?” A curtain of heaviness fell around them. He wanted to warn Ahsoka, he wanted to tell her to not listen to him. The Jedi master was using Dun Möch on her, just like he liked to use against Ventress or the others. But Ahsoka didn’t slow, in fact she’d hardly reacted in anything other than determination. Deep in the swirling mass of power she’d tapped into, she clearly felt none of the weight she had before.

            “I didn’t choose the dark side,” she said tightly. “I chose truth. And if you really want to help the people, then you would too.”

            He glanced past them and saw that the senator had started crawling towards the blaster he’d knocked away from her before and without really thinking, he jerked the force, bringing her flying towards him. Both Ahsoka and Obi Wan had leapt over her as she’d rolled along the carpet until she was lying at his feet looking up at him in fear. He had the strongest urge to stab his lightsaber through her, burning with the pain of her rejection all those years ago.

            She represented everything he’d never had. She’d had the means, the resources, the wealth, to save a thousand slaves. But despite her shock that slavery still existed in the galaxy, she’d done nothing to stop it. She couldn’t even save two; him and his mother. Not even a single word uttered to her senate, or to her people, that slavery by its nature was worth being stopped. For all her preaching for peace and humanity, she had nothing to show for any of it. 

            “Do you remember me, Senator?” he whispered, pulling her to her feet with the force.      “Did you ever care about the slaves on Tatooine? Did it ever occur to you to get involved? Or did you, like every other wealthy noble in the galaxy, deem it unimportant because it didn’t get in the way of your fancy lifestyle and prestige?”

            She stared at him wide-eyed but didn’t respond at first. “Ani?” she managed finally, flinching when he growled at her. 

            He looked past her to see Ahsoka and Obi Wan still fighting down the hallway. She was doing well, but he should be there helping her. The senator, as much as he resented her, wasn’t worth losing Ahsoka over. Besides, it was the Jedi he truly wanted revenge on. Killing Padmé would mean nothing now. 

            He dropped his hold on her. “If you care about people, Senator, then you have to care about all of them. Not just the ones of convenience,” he said angrily. “To ignore the plight of slaves simply because the world they’re stuck on isn’t affiliated with the Republic, is an affront to all that you claim to stand for.” He loomed over her and she scooted back away from him. “Get out of here.” 

            He didn’t have to say it twice. She was on her feet and racing down the hallway as fast as she could in the heavy gown and high heels. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was less than satisfying to let her go, but maybe, just maybe, she’d heard what he’d said. He doubted it, but maybe he wanted to hope that people could be swayed. That words were powerful enough to change their views.

            He re-centered himself and with his focus back on the Jedi, rather than the former queen, he rolled his lightsaber in his hand and ran into the fight. It surprised him the longer the fight wore on, that no one came to help. Either that meant that the Mandalorians were keeping reinforcements busy outside or that Sidious was letting them tire themselves out before they got to him. He had no doubt his dark master knew they were here by now. He also had no doubt that he was enjoying that they were being delayed by a Jedi. And he definitely had no doubt, that Sidious could feel every ounce of his pain and suffering, that he could feel his hatred and was maliciously enjoying the torture these memories were causing him.

            Not wanting to give in to that hatred, but also wanting to end this once and for all, he spun around. Ahsoka ducked as his kick went right over her head, knocking Kenobi’s lightsaber out of his hand. She leapt to her feet and pushed him back with the force, hard, into the wall. And he was in front of him, his lightsaber to his neck, growling in rage and dying to slice it right through his flesh.

            “This is madness, Ahsoka. You’re a Jedi, you belong with us. Don’t let him corrupt you,” Kenobi gasped, as though he realized he now needed to negotiate. Isn’t that what he was famous for? If he couldn’t win with his weapon, he’d attempt to win with words.

             “I’m no Jedi,” she said passionately, from his left side. “And the only thing that corrupted me was you.” He felt a rush of pride and pushed into him harder.

             “Do you remember me?” he asked him. Needing to know the truth before they killed him.

             “Of course, you’ve been wreaking havoc throughout this war,” Obi Wan said as though he felt he was hardly in a life or death situation.

            “No, before that. Do you remember that little slave boy on Tatooine? The one that gave you and your master everything he had so you could leave me behind? Do you remember?” Would this stupid, arrogant Jedi ever admit the truth? Would he ever see the horror of his actions? Would he ever care? And would it even matter?

            “We meant to come back, but you were too old to be trained. We have rules...”

             “Rules?” Ahsoka interrupted. “All you ever do is hide behind rules. You won’t even admit you made a mistake leaving him. And to think, I used to admire you. You are just as much to blame for the very things you condemn him for.” She pointed to him. “Leaving him behind allowed the Sith to take him! You once told me, that finding out the Chosen One had become a Sith was the Jedi’s worst nightmare! Well that nightmare came true because of you!” she spat. “Because you and the rest of the council hid behind a tired doctrine and stupid rules!”

            “You left me worse off than I was before!” he shouted. “Not only was I still a slave, you sold the pod I’d scavenged and saved and worked hard on for years for one kriffing hyperdrive engine when it was worth so much more. The winnings from that race and the others I could have won with it could have bought our freedom! Even if I couldn’t be trained as a Jedi, all of this is your fault. All of it!”

            For the first time in the whole encounter, Master Kenobi actually looked afraid. Tears of fury were stinging in his eyes. He didn’t want to feel sorry for the Jedi master. He wanted to kill him. He wanted to end him for the years of suffering they’d caused him. He wanted revenge. 

            And then he felt Ahsoka touch him softly on his arm and he squeezed his eyes shut. “Come on, Anakin,” she whispered. “We have a galaxy to save. Even if he won’t admit his mistake, at least he won’t forget you now.” She pushed his arm down that was helping hold the Jedi master in place. “Let go of your hatred,” she pleaded him. “It’s how Sidious controls you.”

            He took a deep breath and felt her soothing presence chasing away the demons he’d clung to for far too long. “You are lucky she’s here.” He ground his teeth together, pushing his lightsaber closer to his neck. “Because if it were up to me, I’d kill you right now.”

            He wasn’t sure if it was goodness or respect for her that made him drop his lightsaber without finishing off Master Kenobi. He wasn’t sure if he was okay with turning his back on him, but then he saw her outstretched hand and he put his weapon away and took it. 

            “Once Sidious is dead, and you’re free of his torture,” she said, looking up at him lovingly. “None of the rest of it will matter anymore.” He leaned his forehead down against hers, forcing himself to inhale her light and exhale the hate that had lived in him too long. Her words held a promise he longed to be true. 

            He didn’t know if it was possible to be free of everything that had haunted him for years, but she made him want to believe it. He believed in her, and he hoped beyond hope, that what she said was true. 

            It was time to break his chains. It was time to end this.


	17. Chapter 17

            She took a deep breath after they incapacitated the royal guards, steeling herself for the final battle. She wasn’t happy about having to fight Master Kenobi, and she was even less happy how little he’d taken responsibility for his own and the Jedi’s mistakes. Though the fight with him hadn’t been calm and controlled, she’d sincerely hoped that if they’d be forced to confront him, she could prove to him that what she was doing was right, even if it wasn’t a course of action based on their beliefs. Though admittedly, she had hoped she wouldn’t have to face him beforehand. It had rattled her nerves, but she couldn’t back down now. Anakin had been right, the next time she’d see him, they’d be on opposite sides. By now, he’d probably called for backup and if fighting the Chancellor wasn’t terrifying enough, things were about to get way worse.

            She believed in why they were here, it was the strongest sense of purpose she’d ever felt and if she had to sacrifice her life in order to free him, she would do so. But if she were honest with herself, she was terrified. Ironically not of Darth Sidious or of his power, she was terrified that she  _was_  in the wrong. Wrong about the Chancellor’s true identity. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Anakin, after all, she felt every tremor from him as they got closer and closer to their goal. It was just still so hard to believe that none of the Jedi stood in his presence, not Yoda, Windu, Obi Wan, or the others, and once suspected his true nature. That burned her insides with fear. If the Jedi were really that lost or blind, what hope would the galaxy have of stopping him if her and Anakin failed today? 

            She knew they had the power, but as she’d come to understand, it wasn’t power alone that could beat him. He played psychological games, he made you doubt yourself, he twisted your desires, he threatened all that mattered to you. Though she’d shown Anakin on Mandalore how to get to the eye of the storm, their fight with master Kenobi a few minutes ago, made it clear that years of pent up hatred was harder for him to escape. And there was no one he hated more than Sidious. So, if the chancellor started playing those games, if he threatened her or made him doubt himself... would they be able to find that love that was needed to stop him or would everything fall apart?

            She’d purposely taken control of their fight with Obi Wan. She’d kept herself between them, by staying in tune with Anakin’s shifts, by saying some of it for him to help validate his feelings and prove to him he had an ally. She let him go further than she liked, hoping that she could pull him back before it was too late. And she had, somehow. But she suspected the same method wouldn’t work with Sidious, because ultimately, he had to be the one to free himself. She was just there for support. Though she still wasn’t very understanding of revenge or why it drove you, she did see very clearly why the person seeking it, especially in a case like this, needed to be the one that landed the final blow. 

            The Jedi part of her told her, that ideally, they’d take the chancellor alive. But her sense of purpose and need for justice meant that nothing would stop her from getting out of the way when he was on his knees and Anakin was about to finish him. Maybe she wasn’t really doing what was right. It might be right for him, but was it right for everyone else? The people deserved to hear his crimes against them, to know why he’d been targeted. Otherwise, it would only throw the entire Republic into chaos. 

            So yeah, she was far more terrified than she wanted to let on, but she’d made him a promise and she wouldn’t back down now. All she could hope for at this point, was that between them and the Mandalorians, they could minimize the collateral damage of what they were about to do. It was for the greater good, right? That’s always what the Jedi taught, after all.

            The doors opened into the Chancellor’s office and he looked up in surprise. “Who are you? Why are you here?” He stood up, looking between them. She hadn’t needed to risk a glance at Anakin to feel the rush of darkness that threatened to swallow her whole. His eyes burned brighter gold, narrowed and dangerous. Every muscle in his jaw clenched. She hadn’t needed to look, but she had anyways. And it had taken all her willpower not to step away from him in panic. She didn’t like him like this, but she understood it better now. 

            Anakin however, hadn’t taken his eyes off the Chancellor. In fact, he seemed to have completely forgotten she was even in the room. His hatred cloaked the very air around them, making it ten times harder to breathe. She tried to center herself, to allow it to roll off her shoulders, but it was tough. Tough to escape it. 

            She glanced back at Chancellor Palpatine, who still had a startled and somewhat helpless look on his face. She studied the old man she’d been face to face with a few times with her master. But also, the face she saw everywhere all the time on every screen. The voice of the people. The person the entire Republic looked up to and admired. She couldn’t think of one person that had ever spoken out against him before she’d met Anakin. Except of course, for the other Separatists like Dooku and Ventress.

            He turned his brown eyes on her, widening as though in recognition. “Guards! Guards!” he called, in his voice a true tremor of fear. She didn’t want to doubt Anakin’s word, but how? How could he so convincingly seem weak and helpless and yet hold the kind of power that only a Sith Lord could possess?

            She could hear Anakin grind his teeth together, shifting in impatience and reaching for his lightsaber. She’d promised him she’d help him, and she sincerely hoped, she wasn’t about to make the worst mistake of her life.

            “You can drop the act, Chancellor,” she said finally. “I know who you really are.”

            “What do you mean, child?” He sounded flabbergasted and it took every ounce of will she had to not waver now. 

            “I know you’re a Sith Lord and I know you’re behind this war.” She narrowed her eyes at him, a numb feeling settling on her chest. Some of Anakin’s darkness started pumping through her. She hated this feeling, but she knew she had to give into it if she were to find the eye of the storm. 

            “A Sith? Me?” he laughed in surprise. “The Jedi claim Sith are powerful creatures. I’m much too frail to be one of them. You must be mistaken, child. Perhaps your new friend here... a known  _criminal_ , has led you astray.”

            Her confidence in what they were doing had slowly been fading, at least until the way he’d emphasized the word criminal. And suddenly she understood why he’d fooled even the Jedi. Not only could he hide the Sith corruption, he could manipulate his very expression of the force. Only his choice of words had hinted at something deeper. In them hid a command; but not like a military order, more of a suggestion. But a powerful one. One that clouded your judgement by casting doubt on your thoughts or beliefs. Had she still been floating in the light, following the Jedi’s sense of justice, the command to turn on Anakin might have worked. If not by itself, it would have distracted you from your ultimate goal. Sacrificing the greater good to deal with a minor player. But because she’d drifted more into the eye of the storm into the love she’d found with him, the suggestion had been flagged by her deeper sense of purpose, freeing Anakin from a truly horrific master. And in that sudden moment of realization, everything Anakin had told her over the years sharpened in her brain. He’d only ever told her the truth about all of it.

            “It’s true, Chancellor. You may not look like a Sith, but I can feel his pain.” She touched Anakin softly on the arm, swallowing hard as the sudden rush of darkness from the connection, pushed her faster towards the eye of the storm. “Only a Sith could be cruel enough to torture someone as badly as he’s been tortured. Only a Sith could be responsible for the depth of agony I can feel in him. All of which rushed to the surface the moment we entered this room.”

            Palpatine looked like he was about to say something but then glanced past them as the door behind them opened. She didn’t have to look to experience the sudden sinking feeling in her gut. “Oh, master Jedi, thank the light you’re here! These two criminals are here to kill me. Arrest them!” 

            She closed her eyes feeling as though things were starting to spiral out of control. Not only had they been forced to face Master Kenobi first, rattling her deeper than she’d expected, now he was here, presumably to try and stop them one more time. Anakin had made no visible or even invisible reaction to Master Kenobi’s sudden reappearance, in fact, from the moment they’d entered the room, he’d glared unblinkingly at the chancellor. She finally felt him move for his lightsaber and she reached for her own. 

            “I’m afraid I can’t do that, Chancellor,” Obi Wan said and she blinked a couple times and looked at him in surprise. He was moving slowly into the room, his lightsaber out, but his attention wasn’t on them. “I’m actually here to help them.” Her jaw dropped before she could stop it as she watched the Jedi master step up beside them. 

            “This... this... is treason!” He looked around as though he was looking for a way to defend himself or call for help. “I always knew the Jedi would turn on me, on the Republic!” he wailed. “As if losing this war wasn’t bad enough, now the Jedi have been  _corrupted_  by this Sith and his... his...  _fugitive_ girlfriend!” There it was again, the command. Twice, in the same sentence. She turned to look at Master Kenobi, wondering if he’d felt it too. He looked momentarily confused and she begged him in the force not to listen to him. Obi Wan made no move, towards the chancellor or towards them.

            “Anakin?” she said finally, worried by his silence from the moment they’d stepped through the door. He was tensing up by the second, if that energy wasn’t released soon, they’d all go mad.

            “Don’t believe his lies, Ahsoka,” he growled finally.

            “I don’t,” she assured him quickly. “Whatever happens, I’m with you.”

            “Then let’s finish this.” Without another word, he leapt to action. With reflexes only a force user could possess the chancellor whipped out two lightsabers from the sleeves of his robe and dodged out of the way. She watched momentarily in surprise briefly wondering what she’d actually expected to happen as they lashed out at each other in such unadulterated hatred. How quickly the shroud of his frail and helpless act had been ripped away in favor of moves and power she’d never fully witnessed before. 

            She met Master Kenobi’s eyes for just a moment, he too looked shocked at the truth that had been revealed in front of them. And for just a split second, she couldn’t even be sure she’d seen it, his eyes had softened in understanding and then remorse. It was enough for her to square her jaw, tip her head ever so slightly in acknowledgement and fall the rest of the way into the eye of the storm. 

            Seizing a moment, she leapt into the fray. Side by side, the two of them fought like she was certain neither of them had ever fought before. Proving beyond all doubt, that appearances were deceiving. For as old as he must be, the chancellor fought like he was in his prime. Every slash bore unending ferocity, every spell, pure hatred and evil. He danced and twirled with them around the room as though he’d never been in better shape and never once did it feel as though they were getting the upper hand. 

            Somewhere along the way, Obi Wan had joined in too, and though so deeply in tune with the force, she could feel the strain the three of them were causing him, he still showed no signs of slowing down. 

            She flipped and twirled, bombarding him with attacks from every angle she could, but somehow one of his sabers were always there to block it. Even assaulted three against one, he could dodge, block, parry and even shoot lightening, seemingly all at the same time. 

            If he threw one of them back, they’d rush back in with double the intensity. But as the fight wore on and on, eventually moving into the senate chambers, there was no visible power shift. The chancellor taunted and teased, and clearly employed dun möch. He insulted them, he demeaned them, he tried to pit them against each other, he did just enough to twist your confidence and slowly start to break you down.

            At some point, Obi Wan got thrown from the fight as they moved back up into his office. He didn’t come back into it, and she could only assume he’d been knocked out. It shook her up to see the Jedi master, one as powerful as him, unable to hold his own against Sidious. And unfortunately, that second of indecision had been all it had taken for him to sneak past her defenses and hit her hard with a force of electricity like she’d never known before. 

            She hadn’t been able to stop herself from crying out and Anakin had growled, leaping recklessly back into the fight with even more hatred. But his fear had shaken his otherwise mostly calm headedness, and the Chancellor very quickly overpowered him. 

Her heart clenched in her chest as he landed a few feet away, his clothes still smoking as though on fire.

            “Fools! All of you!” the Chancellor yelled. “You’ll never be a match for me! The dark side has unlimited power!” She looked up at him, not wanting to feel defeated, but struggling to make her muscles work again. They were still tingling from the lightning, trembling under any weight she put on them. Anakin tried to shakily get up too but was hit with another blast and his elbows gave out, causing him to face plant back onto the floor. 

            Her heart broke in that moment. The realization that she’d failed to do for him what she’d promised. She’d been so sure they could beat him. Seeing Anakin’s heavy, ragged breathing, knowing that he’d die a broken man... suddenly flooded her with something she’d nearly forgotten in the rush of the fight. She knew what she had to do.

            “Anakin,” she called to him. “Lay it down, its over.”

            “We can’t give up now, we can still win this!” he gasped with more energy than he truly possessed to be able to follow through.

            “No, we can’t,” she said sadly.

            “You should listen to your Jedi pet,” the chancellor loomed over him and he rolled over as though to fight him again.

            “Please Anakin,” she begged him. “It’s not worth it.” He tipped his head back and looked at her with so much sorrow, she almost lost her nerve to keep going. How could she tell him it wasn’t worth it? What right did she have to say your freedom isn’t worth fighting for? “Hold me, one last time.” She reached a shaky hand to him, pleading him to take it. 

            He looked back at the chancellor as though considering ignoring her request in favor of continuing the fight. But then finally he crawled over to her and took her in his arms. She held him tight, savoring every second they had left. 

            “I love you,” she said, bringing shaky fingers up to his face, touching him softly.

            “I love you too,” he breathed.

            “Your love won’t save you now,” Sidious cackled. “Love is foolish, love is a weakness, and love will die!” 

            “You’re wrong about love,” she said at last, as she stroked Anakin’s hair and smiled at him feeling suddenly calm. “Love is the most powerful force in the galaxy.” She saw the flicker of realization in his eyes and nodded ever so slightly. They sunk into the force, holding tight to each other they both released their hold on either side. It was like letting go of the side of a pool and drifting from the safety of the known. Suddenly away from everything either of them had been taught, they let go of everything but each other. The force swirled around them as they found the calm center. The air shifted as though everything else had completely faded away. Like any bombardment could no longer reach them. There were no words, no real sense, nothing physical. It was just them, and the force; swirling around them in an equal mix of light and dark as they became one, not two.

            All at once, lightning hit the outer drum of this storm and it suddenly imploded, throwing a wave of power out so hard in all directions, the glass broke, the pictures rattled, the walls shook, the whole ground trembled. 

            Exhausted, they collapsed onto the floor, still tangled in each other’s arms. She blinked a few times trying to clear her vision. Everything was buzzing loudly in her head. People were talking, distant ship engines sounded like they were flying through the room. The ceiling spun around as though a top. And then Obi wan’s face swam into view above her. 

            “What just happened?” he asked, clear shock and some awe in his voice. He was clutching his left arm, trying to hide the grimace. He looked worse for the wear, but he was still alive and still standing; though somewhat unsteadily, unless her vision still hadn’t cleared. 

            “Love,” she smiled up at him. “Love is the balance between light and dark. Love is the force. Hatred can’t beat darkness only love can do that.”

            “I’m not sure I follow...” Master Kenobi said doubtfully. 

            “Don’t worry,” Anakin smirked from beside her and she turned her head just in time to see it. “I didn’t understand it at first either.” He rolled towards her, pulling her possessively into his arms. “Thank you,” he whispered, and leaned down to kiss her hard. 

            “Is it over?” she asked, feeling guilty as a look of sadness crossed his features. 

            “Yeah,” he replied, struggling to get to his feet. Then he reached out a hand to help her up. She wobbled a bit and he caught her. “Well, it looks like you’ll get your wish.” She looked at him in confusion. “You can be a Jedi again.” He pointed to five of the council members that were standing next to Obi Wan looking out the now broken window. 

            “Ahsoka was right, Master Yoda,” Obi Wan was saying. “The Chancellor was the Sith Lord all along.”

            “The force, not so cloudy now,” Master Yoda replied. “Sense it now, we do.”

            She heard Anakin scoff softly next to her, but before she could look at him, he let go of her and started walking away. 

            She stumbled a bit as she started to run after him. “Wait, where are you going?” she asked, catching up with him further down the hall. 

            “Away from Coruscant,” he replied, but didn’t slow down.

            “Why?” She tried to keep his pace, but everything was still spinning a bit.

            He finally stopped, and she nearly walked into his back. “Because  _you_  can be pardoned,” he muttered. “With the entire Jedi order backing you up, you’re the hero of today. But me? I’m still a criminal. If I don’t leave now, I won’t get to.”

            He turned and picked up his pace, it took a lot of energy to catch up with him again, grabbing his arm and fighting with him when he tried to pull away. “But I don’t want to be a Jedi anymore!” she said passionately. “I want to stay with you.” He stopped walking so suddenly she did run into him this time. 

            “You want to stay with me?” He stared at her in disbelief. “Why?”

            “Because the Jedi temple isn’t my home. You are.” 


	18. Chapter 18

            He tensed when he felt the Mandalorian’s hand hit his shoulder. It had taken serious restraint not to slice her in half. Sidious was dead, but he was still on edge for some reason. He looked down at his corpse where it was sprawled across the tarmac, the robes spread out around him almost like a halo, but there was nothing sacred or holy about the man in front of them. If he even was a man anymore. Either their blast of the force or his fall revealed the true depth of the Sith corruption. No longer the kindly looking elderly leader of the Republic; his face was twisted and grey, wrinkled and ugly, and his golden eyes stared at the sky as though any second, they could blink again. 

            “Impressive,” Bo Katan said, finally releasing him. “To bad you couldn’t save any of the action for us.”

            He had half a mind to tell her off. Mandalorians might be legendary warriors but fighting Sidious had been no walk in the park; not even for someone as powerful as him. In fact, had it not been for Ahsoka, he’d have died up there. He glanced up at the broken window of the chancellor’s office, where the remaining glass shards glinted in the afternoon sun. It was a long way up, but he was certain several of the Jedi were still standing there looking down at them. He clenched his fists, unease spreading through him. Why was he so anxious? The day he’d long hoped for had arrived.  _Freedom_. Freedom from his cruel master, freedom from his bonds of slavery, freedom to make his own choices...

            But every second he remained here on the capitol of the Republic, spread this unease further through him. Staring at the corpse of his master didn’t help. It felt surreal, it felt wrong. Something was wrong. He could feel his death. There was no way he’d survived a fall like that, or a blast like that. In fact, he was no detective, but he would wager Sidious had died before he’d hit the ground. Very possibly before he’d even been blasted out of the window. So, if he was dead, why didn’t he feel relief? Why didn’t it feel like it was over? Why didn’t it feel like victory?

            He hadn’t needed to see her to know that Ahsoka had glanced up at the sky at the exact same time. “You’re about to get plenty of action,” he said in annoyance. “Dooku is here.” And that’s why it hadn’t felt like it was over. Sidious was dead, but even in death he still had a stranglehold on everything. Even in the event of his death he had plans in motion.

            He’d come here for one purpose and one purpose only; to destroy the most evil person in the galaxy. He wasn’t here to fight a war. He wasn’t here to save the Republic. He wasn’t here to stop Dooku, Grievous or the droid army. And he should have left when he had the chance. No matter how this ended, he was going to lose. 

            He started backing away but froze when he saw Ahsoka some distance away. It felt like time slowed around her as he studied her pretty face. She was directing the Mandalorians and then other Jedi and even the clones. She stood tall, she radiated authority and confidence. You almost wouldn’t know she was afraid. She was a born leader, like she was made for that role. All she’d needed was to be believed in.

            Obi Wan may have been a good master, but he’d sheltered her. He’d kept her behind him, doing all the hard work himself. And maybe he’d thought he was protecting her, but all he’d really done was cripple her confidence in herself and her abilities. There’d really been nothing new he’d taught her. The only thing he’d done was change her perspective. And maybe they’d found a few things in the force that likely no one else would understand, but... everything she was now, had already been inside her. All he’d done was help it come out. 

            He felt his gut sinking as the world ran around him in slow motion. This was  _her_  world, her calling. This was where she belonged, just like her master had said. The people needed a leader like her, a  _hero_  like her. Despite their time together, she was a Jedi through and through. He hadn’t corrupted her, if anything, he’d rooted her even more strongly in the light. 

            He blinked sadly, if he was made of stone, his skin would start cracking from the sorrow that pumped through him. No matter what she’d said, she belonged here, and he didn’t. He didn’t belong in her world, in this world. He didn’t belong in her life. She was too good for him, he’d only hold her back. He didn’t deserve her, and he definitely didn’t have any right to take her from this. 

 _Love_. Yeah... what he’d had with her was something special. Something he’d never forget as long as he lived. But sometimes love wasn’t enough. She’d kept her promise to free him, now... now he had to set  _her_  free. Love was pain. Love  _was_  a weakness. Love had only ever brought him suffering. 

            “Goodbye, Snips,” he whispered. She couldn’t hear him, she was running to meet the droids as they hit the ground. “I’m sorry that we never had a real chance. But it’s for the best, you know? You belong here. The people need you.” He took a deep breath, watching her leap into the fray, fearless in whatever she believed in. Whatever gave her purpose. Whatever she saw as justice. “Take care of yourself.”

            He ignored the chaos as he dropped his head and walked away. There was fighting all around him, and blasters firing, people yelling. He could hear the echoes of droids, but it all felt so far away. It just became static; like white noise. There was nothing distinct, nothing clear. Nothing but his feet as he trudged along, making his way back to their ship. 

            A tear streaked down his cheek and he brushed it away without much thought. This was the moment he’d dreamt about for years; his greatest dream come to fruition. It should be a moment of pure joy, of ecstasy. But all he felt was cold, broken...  _empty_. The Sith code was wrong. He’d never really believed it, but now he had proof.  _Through victory my chains are broken, and the force will set me free_. 

            He didn’t feel free. He didn’t feel unshackled or victorious. There was nothing about the code that said victory would come at such a cost, nothing about how much you’d lose to achieve it. And maybe that was because power, strength, victory and freedom were all illusions. Maybe they were relative or interpretive. Maybe they were as arbitrary as justice. Or maybe they were just the dreams of broken souls that wanted nothing more than to escape their fates.

            He stepped into the lift that would take him from the senate plaza down to the landing platforms. He pressed the button absentmindedly and ignored the sounds of battle up above as it slowly descended down the shaft. The lift squealed and then shuddered and for the first time he looked around. On the other side of it was a young kid, cowering against the wall, holding tight to the rail as though at any moment the lift would plummet off its track. The kid looked up at him and then looked away quickly, trembling.

            All at once, an explosion rocked the shaft, debris raining down faster than the lift. The kid started screaming when the floor beneath them broke and they were both free-falling into the darkness.

            Without really thinking he grabbed the kid, who squirmed in his arms for some reason. He didn’t bother to comfort him as he looked for a way out of this mess. He couldn’t just grab the sides because the lift was falling down on top of them. Then he saw the glass for one of the lower levels. He ignited his lightsaber and spun around, throwing it at the glass to break it and then he caught a pipe and flipped out through the hole he’d made, rolling across the metal ground. 

            He rubbed his head and finally released the kid that was panicking in his arms. The boy scrambled to his feet and scurried away, glancing over his shoulder in fear. He didn’t understand what the kid’s problem was, he’d just saved his life! He shrugged and got to his feet, brushing himself off and summoned his lightsaber back to his hand. 

            It was only when the bystanders started backing away whenever he looked at them that it dawned on him why the boy had been so afraid of him. He caught sight of his reflection in the dirty metal wall and dropped his shoulders.

            “See, Ahsoka?” he said angrily and punched his fist through the metallic tiles, ignoring the blood dripping down his knuckles. “This is why I can’t stay here! Why you’re better off without me!” The people had disappeared, and he was shouting in the empty corridor at nothing in particular. And then he sunk to the ground and leaned his back against the wall. “I’m no hero,” he whispered. “Even if I help people, all they’ll ever see is a monster. A criminal. No one will ever trust me, no matter what I do.”

            “Feeling blue, Skywalker?” A voice said from the shadows. “Or seething red?”

            “Go away, Ventress,” he muttered without looking up.

            “Wow,” she feigned shock, “did you and you’re Jedi girlfriend have a lover’s tiff?”

            “What are you even doing here?” he demanded, finally getting to his feet.

            “I thought I’d come join the party,” she smirked, appearing under a light that flickered in the distance.

            “Well you’re too late.” He balled his fists, not in the mood for her mockery. “Sidious is dead.”

            “Is that so?” she chuckled. “Then why are you running away with your tail between your legs?”

            “I’m not running away!”

            “Then where’s your little Togruta pet?” 

            “With the Jedi, where she belongs...” He tried to hide the pain of his admission, but it was eating him inside out. And Ventress’ teasing laughter was doing nothing to distract him from it.

            “Oh, I understand now,” she murmured and closed the distance between them. “The big scary Sith is afraid of commitment.”

            “I’m not afraid of commitment!”

            “Then why are you running from her?”

            “I’m not!” He scowled. “But as I’m sure you’re well aware, we’re not exactly on the best of terms with the Republic. I need to get off Coruscant while they’re distracted so I don’t end up in jail!”

            “Since when do you care about the law?” She crossed her arms and looked him over. He really wanted to take her down a notch. In fact, he was half tempted to kill her right now. He was feeling plenty of hatred and suffering, but despite her mockery and prodding, his anger fizzled out and he dropped his head feeling weakness spread through him.

            “Since I no longer have an evil master protecting me...” he admitted, more to himself than to her. He’d wanted to kill Sidious, sure. For everything he’d done to him and his mother and everyone else. But now that he was gone... now he felt paranoia settling down on his shoulders. Like the shadows might jump out and get him. He no longer held the confidence of someone that could get away with almost anything as long as he was useful. He might have power, but nothing he desired it for. In fact, if he had a choice in the matter, he’d run far away. Somewhere no one knew him, and he’d never use the force again. Some Sith he was.

            Most Sith strived to kill their masters in order to steal all they’d built for themselves. But he had no desire for Sidious’ twisted magic, plans or power base. He had no desire to rule or conquer or control. All he wanted was the life he’d never gotten. A second chance. But now... now the fear of what that meant, the realization he had no idea how to function without someone’s guiding hand. Every choice he’d ever made, even in disobedience, had once held a safety net. His slave master, his mother, his dark master and later, Ahsoka. 

            “Boohoo, poor little Skywalker doesn’t know how to handle life without someone holding his hand,” Ventress taunted and his fists tightened again. “You want to know what I think?”

            “Not really,” he gritted his teeth.

            “I think you’re scared of love.” He let out the breath he’d been holding in frustration.

            “What do you know about love?” he demanded.

            “Not as much as you. But it’s obviously what you’re running from.” She vanished, and he stared around at the empty darkness around him. Was she right? Was he running from love? Was love far more terrifying than a life of darkness? He’d once risked it all to chase it, but now it was like he couldn’t get far enough away from it.

            But leaving Ahsoka here with the Jedi... he was doing the right thing, wasn’t he? Despite what she’d said, he couldn’t in good conscience steal her from the future she’d always wanted. Wasn’t that true love? To let go? To think about the greater good over your own selfish desires? That’s what the Jedi believed anyways. And they were supposed to represent all that was good. Yet... nothing about it made him feel good.

            He turned back to the metal tiles and stared at his reflection. His golden eyes pierced the darkness like angry demons waiting to unleash only chaos and death. The Sith corruption so deeply embedded in him that not even freedom from his cruel master had saved his soul. There was no hope for him, not really. But for awhile... Ahsoka had made him believe he could be redeemed. She’d made him believe there was something left in him to love; something left of the little boy he’d once been. The one that had believed in hope and dreams and bigger things. The one that had known love, even as a slave. Now it was like he knew nothing. 

            How had she ever looked at this and loved him? How had she ever seen anything good in him? If it was there, it was buried so deeply he couldn’t see it.

            He hit his head against the tile a couple of times and then drifted the rest of the way to the ship. He set the nav computer as soon as he weaved his way out of the battle and pulled the lever. The ship jumped a short distance and he pulled out about five minutes later, shut everything down and let it drift. 

            He dropped to the floor and sobbed into his knees. Ahsoka’s words haunted him. When she’d talked about her ambitions in the order and how hard she’d fought for them, only to be ripped away from all of it. She’d claimed, she’d found a better dream with him, but how could that possibly be true? Why would someone with so much potential waste it on a loser like himself? How could she love him more than all of that? She was a Jedi, what did she really know about love anyways?

            Her eyes were burned in his memory, the way she’d looked at him like she could see every secret he held in his heart. His skin still tingled from the way her fingers could caress him as though he were the most precious thing she’d ever touched. The sensation of her perfect lips against his lingered there, as though that were the only place they belonged. The way her very presence talked him off a precipice of bad decisions he rarely acknowledged he was standing on. How everything that she was, intertwined with everything he was, as though it were impossible for him to be complete without her. 

            Was that what love was? When you found it, you didn’t know where you ended, and they began? Where deep in the force you felt only as one?

            He closed his eyes and drifted aimlessly into the force, stumbling around like the lost little boy that he was. The darkness that had controlled him throbbed in the distance, calling to him like he could slip back into it and all of it would be forgotten. He turned towards the tantalizing call, the promise of putting the weakness behind him once and for all. If Sidious was dead, there was nothing holding him back anymore. He could be anything! He could do anything! He could rule the galaxy if he wanted to! He knew the dark lord’s secrets. He knew how to step into his shoes, into an empire he’d spent years designing. He reached out a hand, welcoming the idea as he drifted closer and closer to it...

            “Anakin...” He froze. It had been barely a whisper, so soft, so...  _tiny_... compared to all that laid before him. But somehow it held a strength to it, something that slipped through the overwhelming, heavy darkness to breathe into his ear. He turned towards it and started walking as though the decision had been made for him. “Anakin,” it whispered again, louder this time, more powerful. He grappled for it blindly, stumbling around in the cloud of grey. The darkness buzzed louder like it was trying to drown out the solitary voice, but somehow, despite the cacophony it was making, he could still hear the one.

            And then he broke through and blinked a few times. The darkness had dissipated, the buzz had vanished, there was nothing around him but calm waters. 

            “I love you,” she said, and he looked up at her beautiful face as she appeared in front of him.

            “Why?” He dropped to his knees and she knelt down, reaching out a hand to touch his face.

            “Because I’ve seen who you really are,” she breathed, smiling at him. She set her hand on his heart. “Monsters don’t know how to love, but you taught me. Your heart is my heart too. We beat as one.”

            “I can’t be what you deserve,” he wailed.

            “But you are everything I could ever want.”

            He was on his feet, restarting the ship and turning back to Coruscant. He didn’t know how one voice could drown out the millions of others calling him away, but he wasn’t going to chance his future without her. She’d stood by his side when no one in the world should have put up with him. She’d trusted him enough to follow him into the darkest unknown. And what had he done to thank her? He’d abandoned her? Even if he  _was_  arrested, tried and put to death for returning, it was a far better fate than living without her. 

            He was racing into the fight without much thought, slicing through droids as his heart led him home. He leapt a wall of scrap metal and landed beside her as she and Ventress were fighting Count Dooku. If she’d noticed his reappearance, she made no acknowledgement of it, but he didn’t care. Even if she was where she belonged, he was now too; with her. For however much time they had left. 

            “Skywalker,” Dooku drawled. “I’m surprised you’re here.”

            “Why is that, Dooku?”

            “Now that you’ve killed your master, there’s nothing holding you here; power, prestige, legacy, riches, all await you if you destroy this feeble resistance to the dark lord’s ultimate plans.”

            “Oh, shove a sock in it, old man!” he shouted at Dooku, throwing his all into the fight and leaping forward with furious slashes. “The only thing I want is right here and you won’t stand in the way.”

            A rush of purpose coursed through him and it was barely a matter of minutes before the three of them had Dooku on his knees begging for his life. 

            “Ventress,” he called, stepping to the side as she came up next to him. “Would you care to do the honors?”

            “Gladly,” she growled, scissoring her twin red sabers at his neck. Dooku looked up in surprise and fear but his head rolled away before he could protest any further. His body hit the ground with a dull thud. He glanced to the side to see Ahsoka set her hand on Ventress’ shoulder.         “Don’t think we’re friends now,” she hissed at Ahsoka, but tipped her head ever so slightly. Ahsoka’s mouth twitched in a smile as she watched Ventress run off, slicing through battle droids on her way by. 

            “Ahsoka, I...” He didn’t have a chance to finish as the palm of her hand hit him square in the chest and he stared at her in surprise. 

            “That’s for leaving!” she huffed, putting her hands on her hips. He swallowed about to defend himself, but before he managed it, she grabbed the neck of his shirt and jerked him down to her level, kissing him hard on the lips. He was so startled, it took him a moment to relax into the sensation. He looked at her wide eyed as a smile spread across her lips when she pulled away. “That’s for coming back.” 

            It took him a few minutes to shake the surprise he still felt coursing through him. Ahsoka was powerful but she’d never been that bold before. He blinked a few times and then finally grabbed her and kissed her again, liking the new confidence he felt in her. It was like something had been unleashed between them. Like nothing else mattered anymore. And even as the battle waged on around them, they held onto each other like this was all there was.

            When they finally came up for air, he looked her over. “I won’t ask why you left,” she whispered. “Because I already know the answer to that. But why did you come back?”

            He traced his fingers down her cheek. “Because no future, free or not, would be anything worth living without you.” 


	19. Chapter 19

            “We are grateful for your assistance in repelling the invasion and putting an end to the war, Skywalker,” Master Windu said and she almost elbowed Anakin in glee, but then she felt the pause hanging in the air and her spirits instantly sunk. “But I’m afraid you’ve committed far too many crimes against the Republic prior to this battle that cannot go unpunished.” She made a move to argue but Anakin squeezed her arm. “However…” She looked up hopefully. “After Master Kenobi’s report of what transpired in the senate tower, we are inclined to offer you a choice. Face trial in front of the senate for your past transgressions or commit yourself to the light side of the force and remain here, as a Jedi.”

            She stared from face to face of the council in disbelief. They were willing to give him a chance to be a Jedi? She glanced to the side, excited. At least until she saw his face.

            “Ahsoka Tano,” Obi Wan addressed her and she straightened out of habit. “The council owes you an apology for everything that happened involving your trial and expulsion. You have proved, in spite of it all, that you have never strayed from the light, goodness and honor.” Her heart was racing in her chest as she stared at her master. Were they going to give her another chance to become a knight? If so, and Anakin stayed here... they could... well... she dropped her gaze to the intricate marble floor suddenly not feeling very good about any of it. “In light of your actions today and your leadership, witnessed by all those present, we grant you the title of Knight. From hence forth, you will act as representative and peacekeeper for the Galactic Republic; and the arm of justice as required.”

            “Back into the order, you may come,” Master Yoda said, and she looked at him for just a moment and then back at the floor. Wasn’t this what she’d always wanted? 

            Obi Wan stepped forward and reached out a hand. She stared at the beads that denoted the rank she’d longed for. There it was, her future, her greatest dream. The summation of everything she’d worked so hard for, but... if she stayed here, they wouldn’t allow her to be with him, even if he stayed too. And the choice they’d offered him... what kind of choice was it really?

            She could feel him sinking where he stood barely a foot away. She’d freed him from one master only to shackle him to others. And maybe being a slave to the Jedi was way less bad than Sidious, but she hadn’t worked that hard to let him remain a slave to anyone. No wonder he’d left when he’d had the chance. Why hadn’t she just gone with him? Now, because he’d come back for her, he was facing two very lousy options, neither more desirable than the other. 

            “With all due respect, masters,” she said finally, keeping her hands at her sides. “I have no desire to return to the order. Thank you, for your offer, but I’m not staying here. And...” She hesitated a moment. “And neither is he.”

            “That’s not your choice to make, pada... Ahsoka,” Master Windu started and she swallowed hard and puffed out her chest.

            “I begged you to listen to me before,” she said, feeling a rush of purpose race through her. Purpose, and passion. “I begged you to free him from his evil master. I told you if you did that, the Republic would win the war. But beyond that, it was the right thing to do. You failed to free him when I asked, and also as a slave on Tatooine, despite his assistance to you years before he became a Sith. You willingly left him to suffer because you claimed, his fate was unfortunate, but there was nothing you could do. Well, you’re wrong. You were wrong then, and you’re wrong now. Sidious enslaved him by torturing everything that he cared about. He had no choice but to follow his teachings. But at his core, in his heart,” she touched him softly on the chest. “There is only light.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment as emotions overwhelmed her, then she glared from face to face. “He rescued me from death when you failed me too. He offered me a way to save the Republic that I’d fought for my whole life. He repeatedly helped me complete my missions and save thousands of lives. He may be a Sith, but it was never his choice.” She took a deep breath preparing to continue but he put his hand out to stop her and he stepped forward.

            “I take full responsibility for my actions and my choices. Tangled in the dark lord’s web or not, I chose to follow him rather than let my mother die. But despite all I did for him, he killed her anyways. From that day forward, I devoted my life to stopping him. I trained to become as powerful as I possibly could to stop him from hurting anyone else the way he’d hurt me. Because I believed that becoming a more powerful Sith than him was the only way to stop him. I believed that all the sacrifices made to accomplish this would be worth it in the end. That if I had to kill a thousand people to become powerful enough to stop him, it was better than the billions he would have killed if he’d been allowed to finish his plans. And had it not been for Ahsoka, my hatred for him, no matter what righteousness might have motivated it, would have turned me into a monster. I see that now... She taught me that love was the answer. She taught me that darkness could only be stopped by light not power. She saved me before I was completely lost. Now I know, you have no reason to trust me, but all I’ve ever wanted in this life was to be free. And staying here, as a Jedi... it’s yet another bond of servitude. So, if that or facing justice are my only options, then I choose to make my appeal to the senate.”

            “You all know as well as I do, that’s a death sentence for him,” she said angrily. “But you’ll never understand that slavery is worse than death! Even if he were to stay here as a Jedi, none of you would ever trust him. You’d never put people under his command, you’d probably never let him out of your sight! You think you know the way the world works, but you’re wrong. You’re wrong about all of it! Let him go, let us go! I swear to you, with everything I am and everything I’ve ever fought for, that you won’t be making a mistake letting him leave Coruscant as a free man.”

            She could probably go on for ages, everything she’d said only fueled her fire more. She now understood his hatred for the Jedi; and maybe they didn’t deserve death, but they definitely deserved to be smacked around a bit. She wanted to believe they truly thought they were offering him a good choice, a way out of certain death. But they were just so absolutely, utterly blind! 

            And before she could change her mind, she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door. If they were going to stop them, then so be it. But she wasn’t going to stand around here and let people that didn’t understand them at all, decide their fates. One would think, they’d at least have the decency to be grateful for all they’d just done. In one afternoon they’d ended the threat of the mysterious Sith Lord they’d never even noticed hiding in their midst. They’d stopped Dooku from continuing his plans or doing way worse ones. They’d stopped Grievous, essentially cutting off the head of the droid army. And they’d ended the war; the death of Dooku and Grievous had resulted in the Separatists immediate surrender to the Republic. And the irony of all of it was the people that had done most of the work in accomplishing this was an ex-Sith criminal, an ex-Jedi and known fugitive, a former Sith assassin, and a hundred Mandalorians who had up until this point, remained neutral in the war. In other words, she was the only one of the group that had any loyalty to the Republic and yet this makeshift legion had swooped in to save it from collapse. 

            It wasn’t that others hadn’t fought today; Jedi and clones, along with many citizens had helped push it back and defend their home and their capitol, but... had it not been for her and Anakin... especially Anakin and his power... Sidious might not have been prevented from destroying everything. And then they had the gall to tell him for that victory he deserved only slavery or death...

            She shook her head, clutching his arm and squeezing his hand as they made their way down the hallway. It disgusted her beyond reason. This was what it must have felt like all those years ago, when he’d sacrificed everything for the dream that those two Jedi and a queen would free him and his mother. Only to watch them walk away because to their stupid deluded minds, they had better things to worry about than the lives of two humble slaves on an outer rim planet under the jurisdiction of the Hutt cartel.

            He’d been right about everything. How many times he’d told her she didn’t understand the real world. How many times he’d said she’d lived in a cushy temple with no concept of the rest of the galaxy or the people in it. How many times she’d given no thought to anything but the next battle and proving herself to people that didn’t really matter. For all that she’d been taught about protecting the people and standing up for what was right... the Jedi didn’t really do that. Maybe they did in small ways, but not the ways that really mattered. Sidious, in all his scheming and manipulation... she hated to admit it, hadn’t been the reason the Jedi had been blind. He’d hidden in plain sight because the Jedi had simply stopped seeing whatever didn’t align with their own views or beliefs. And sure, maybe the war and constant conflict had clouded it further, but the Jedi had been blind before the war had even started. All the Sith Lord had done was take advantage of their own self-destruction. 

            “Ahsoka?” he whispered as they neared the front door. They hadn’t been stopped yet, though they’d seemed to have gathered quite a crowd. Nearly everyone they’d passed had stopped to stare at them as they walked by arm in arm. Many had started following them as they walked confidently towards the main entrance. “If we leave now, you’re throwing away any chance you’ll ever have to be a Jedi.”

            “I’m no Jedi,” she said. “I know where I stand with the force now, with or without the order. There’s nothing they can offer me now that would make me want to stay here.”

            “So, you’d rather be a fugitive the rest of your life?” He stopped on the threshold and touched her softly on the cheek. 

            “If it means I get to stay with you. Then yes.” She blinked up at him. 

            “You’d throw it all away for me?”

            “It turns out, what I thought I wanted my whole life, was just an empty title. Out there, we can be anything. We can do real good, we can really help people and we don’t have to follow stupid rules to do so. I’d choose that a million times over before I’d choose to stay here.”

            The corner of his mouth twitched as his eyes softened some. Then he leaned down and kissed her. How odd it was to share something so intimate in the middle of the temple foyer, where not only was what they had forbidden, hundreds of people were currently watching. If she weren’t busy enjoying the taste of his mouth against hers, she might have laughed out loud at the fact that this was how she’d be remembered. Not for her feats, being the top of her lightsaber classes, or the victories she’d achieved throughout the war... no, she’d be remembered for falling in love with a Sith. She smiled when he let go but pulled him back for another round. There were worse things to be remembered for. 

            “Sky... er... Anakin. Ahsoka,” Obi Wan called, hurrying to catch up with them after they’d finally finished their spectacle and left the building arm in arm. She had half a mind to ignore him and keep walking, but it was Anakin that slowed their pace. They turned around to face him just as Bo Katan landed her jet pack beside them. To her surprise, he was alone. Had she expected him to be escorting dozens of temple guards? Had she thought they’d finally decided to stop them after all? If she were honest, she was surprised they’d let them leave at all after the way they’d both spoken to the council.

            Obi Wan stopped in front of them and then glanced at Bo Katan and nodded slightly. “Yes, Master Kenobi?” she asked finally, wondering why for years she’d only ever felt unworthy to stand in his presence and now, no longer feared his judgements or opinions. 

            “What you said up there in the council chambers...” he started, looking almost nervous. But then he seemed to pull himself together and straighten. “You’re right.” She couldn’t stop the rush of surprise and glanced at Anakin and then back at him. “I’ve lived my entire life by the Jedi code, believing in it, believing it would always guide the way. Believing like the rest of us, that it was infallible. But, I see now that’s not true.”

            “But Master Kenobi,” she interrupted, and he waved a hand to silence her.

            “The Jedi way is to serve, and I believe we do that on a grand scale. But we fail to do it on a smaller scale. We take for granted that which makes it possible to serve the people and that’s all the individuals that both make it up, but also make up the body we’re to be serving,” he continued. “There are reasons we have the rules we do. The ones that ultimately prevented us from bringing you back here to train as a Jedi.” He gestured to Anakin. “But you were right about what you said in the hallway. We made a mistake. A horrible mistake by leaving you behind. Not just because of your capture by the Sith, but also for leaving you the way we did. As you said, worse off than you’d been before. And no apology will change what happened, but I am, most sincerely, sorry. My devotion to the Jedi code allowed me to rationalize things that should never be rationalized, as you said, Ahsoka. And in so doing, I failed to help people that truly needed help.”

            “Now I’ve seen everything,” Bo Katan laughed from beside them. “We destroy a Sith Lord masquerading as the kindly old leader of the Republic and now you two have the Jedi apologizing at your feet when they never apologize for anything.”

            She looked down at the stone tiles and tried to hide her grin. “Thank you for your apology, Master Kenobi. And for helping us stop Sidious. And I suppose, for trying to help him have a better option than certain death. But if you’re hoping to change our minds about leaving, it won’t work,” she said finally.

            “That’s not why I followed you out here,” Obi Wan said. “Do you know why I decided to help you stop the Chancellor?”

            “Actually, I’ve been wondering about that,” Anakin smirked. “Especially since you were so keen to prevent us from doing so.”

            “I, like most Jedi, have always believed that once a force user chooses the dark side, they’re lost forever. That there really is no hope for them. But what I’d witnessed during our fight proved me wrong,” Obi Wan said softly. “Despite your words, your anger and your obvious hatred, I felt the light that flooded through you when Ahsoka told you to release your hatred. I saw you willingly let go of power and control, in favor of mercy. What I felt in both of you, was beyond extraordinary. But more than all of that, I felt the truth of your words and intentions. And though it was hard to believe the Chancellor could be someone that evil, I couldn’t ignore what I felt from you both.” He set his hand on her shoulder. “And you, Ahsoka... you’ve always been guided by a stronger sense of purpose than most. Despite the darkness I felt in you, I felt no corruption or insincerity. You were committed to a truth I couldn’t see. And even in my uncertainty, I couldn’t ignore the light that was guiding you.”

            “Thank you, Master.” She let go of Anakin long enough to bring her hands together and bow respectfully. 

            “I hoped,” Obi Wan said after a moment, that if we offered you another chance at being a Jedi, you’d take it. And give us the opportunity to make up for the mistakes we made. But it seems you’ve already made up your minds on the matter. Even so... give it some thought, and if you change your minds, I’m sure we could work something out.”

            “That’s it?” she said in surprise. “After what was said up there, you’re going to let us walk away?”

            “I admit none of us are particularly comfortable with the idea of someone as powerful as the chosen one walking free after the crimes he’s committed, however, just like in the senate tower, I can sense the truth in your words,” Obi Wan chuckled. “Where will you go?”

            “Well first,” Anakin started. “We made a promise to help Bo Katan and the Mandalorians stop Maul from destroying what’s left of their home. After that... who knows? Maybe we’ll find a way to free slaves. What do you say, Snips?”

            “I’d say I’m right beside you, Skyguy.” She smacked him on the back. “Freeing slaves is my specialty.”

            “You do seem particularly good at that,” he laughed. 

            “Well, without the senate’s approval, I’m not sure how much the Jedi can help with a war against the Hutts, but... I’m sure I could gather some forces to assist in bringing Maul to justice,” Master Kenobi said. 

            “We would be honored, Master Jedi.” Bo Katan bowed.

 

\---

 

            “I see you’ve returned,” Maul said as they cautiously made their way into the throne room. They were tired. It seemed that in the time it had taken to uproot the Mandalorian forces and head to Coruscant to kill Sidious and gather their army to face him again, he too had been busy preparing. So, either he had believed they would in fact be successful in stopping Sidious, or he’d made good use of the lack of opposition to make himself more powerful. She didn’t want to think about the fact that Bo Katan bringing her army to Coruscant may have cost more innocent lives since they’d left their post to do so. They’d been essential at reducing the number of casualties on Coruscant, but at the cost of those on their home?

            The battle to Maul had been rough. They’d wasted very little time after all the fighting on Coruscant to come to Mandalore, so they hadn’t gotten much rest before facing yet another army. And the Pyke syndicate and the other Mandalorians that followed him, definitely didn’t fight like droids. So, by the time her, Anakin and Obi wan had made it into the throne room to confront him, their strength was waning. Which based on Maul’s gleeful tone, he’d been banking on. They’d been trying to draw him out, to fight in the open with the rest of his followers, but nothing had worked. So, either he’d still been wallowing as he had the last time they’d seen him, or he was waiting for them to enter his trap.

            Bo Katan and what was left of her group of soldiers were supposed to be right behind them but had clearly been delayed by something. So for now, the task fell to them. Considering that they’d destroyed Sidious, who was supposedly more powerful than Maul, three on one should easily mean they’d take him down. But as she glanced between Anakin and Obi wan, she wasn’t feeling as optimistic as she wanted to. 

            “Remember what I told you, Snips?” Anakin whispered next to her. “About slavery?”

            “Yes,” she breathed, studying the way Maul paced back and forth across the raised platform where the throne sat. You might never know from looking at him, that he was half machine. His lower half moved as naturally and as smoothly as regular legs. But to her heightened senses, she could hear the grinding gears and the friction of the metal even from across the room. 

            “He felt Sidious’ death, which means...”

            “He no longer sees himself as a slave,” she finished. 

            “Exactly.” Anakin squared his shoulders and tightened the grip on his lightsaber.

            “So, he’ll still want revenge on Master Kenobi, right?” she asked. “But it’s no longer out of desperation.”

            “For someone as friendly as myself, I haven’t the foggiest why so many people hate me,” Obi Wan cut in from beside them and they both glanced his way. Based on the way his mouth twitched, she assumed he knew full well that they both had issues with him, to varying degrees obviously. 

            “Kenobi,” Maul drawled and they all looked back towards the throne. “I’ve taken everything from you, yet here you still stand. You loved her, didn’t you?”

            “I don’t see how that has any bearing on the situation at hand,” Obi Wan muttered.

            “Oh I know you did,” Maul growled, flashing his golden eyes in their direction, and parting his lips in a feral smile. “You loved her, not like a Jedi would. I felt your pain when I killed her. It was delicious.”

            She narrowed her eyes at him, both in confusion and concern. He sounded mad, like he had before. But there was a difference this time, a terrifying difference. The throne room had been cleaned up. The bodies that had been there before were gone. The windows had been repaired, the dark cloths blocking the light had been removed. Despite it being brighter and more pleasant than the dark lair they’d found themselves in before, it felt far more evil.

            Seeing it like this felt as though she’d been walking in to meet the duchess like she’d done a few times before. She’d half expected Satine to be sitting on her throne, ready for a duel of wits with Master Kenobi. Depictions of her hung on the walls in banners. And by the words he’d spoken, she could only assume it was another method with which to try and break Obi Wan. 

            She thought about what Anakin had said, he didn’t see himself as a slave anymore. Which meant... she glanced up at his red and black face as he stared daggers at her master. He saw himself as the one holding all the power now. He was no longer the slave, but the slave master. Rather than throwing himself recklessly at achievable pursuits, or at least pursuits he believed were achievable, he’d devised a much more clever plan. All his attention, focus and hatred had gone into devising this plan. No longer distracted by the crippling fear of helplessness and allowed to build a power base unrestricted, he was certain he’d finally accomplish the revenge he’d lusted for, for so long. 

            Maul turned his evil golden eyes on her and it dawned on her, he believed she’d be the last thing to break him. To break them both. Obi Wan might not care about her as much or the same way as Anakin but hurting her would still hurt the Jedi Master. And it would definitely hurt Anakin. She shouldn’t be here at all. “Lady Tano, nice of you to present yourself with your master this time.” She couldn’t help the tremble at the tone of his voice. 

            Sidious hadn’t had the same chance to use her because Anakin had been focused and ready, keeping him too busy. But Maul was no stranger to using people to achieve what he wanted, so naturally that would be his first move. The best she could hope for at this point was that she didn’t let that happen.

            She pulled her lightsabers to her hands and ignited them, drawing on her remaining strength and letting herself drift. She was struggling to find the same sense of purpose now that she’d freed Anakin from Sidious. She didn’t feel the same protectiveness of Master Kenobi, but she did believe in justice. And if anybody in the galaxy deserved to face justice, it was Maul. The crimes he’d committed against the poor people of Mandalore were unforgivable. Especially since he’d done all of it just to hurt one Jedi. 

            When the fight finally started, it was just a flurry of activity. Anakin had seemed to figure out that Maul would try to use her and hung close to her whenever she was engaging him. He wasn’t as refined in his abilities as Sidious, but he made up for it in taunts and cruelty. Between him and Obi Wan there was so much Dun Möch being thrown around, it was a wonder any of them were even still standing. 

            But as it wore on, Maul only seemed to be gaining strength whereas theirs was fading fast. This wasn’t good. Where were the Mandalorians? And the clones? What was keeping them away? What was going on out there?

            Obi Wan flew back past them and suddenly she was flying across the room without her control, towards Maul though, not away from him. “No!” Anakin yelled and now she was suspended between the two as the force tightened around her. She looked up to see Anakin with his hands outstretched, holding onto her in the force with everything he had left. His eyes were narrowed, his face twisted in concentration as he tried to pull her back towards him. She glanced over her shoulder at Maul, in an equal stance. He too, trying to pull her towards him. Likely to use her as a shield or a bargaining chip. But then she glanced down and saw that he had the dark saber up.

            This wasn’t like the game that Anakin had played on Kamino. Maul had every intention of stabbing right through her the moment she’d been brought close enough. Because of the hold they both had on her, she couldn’t move any of her limbs, but she was still clutching one of her lightsabers. Naturally it was pointed the wrong way. She wasn’t going to be used like this!

            “Anakin,” she whispered, struggling to breathe. “Let go.”

            “I won’t!” he said through gritted teeth. “I won’t let him kill you.”

            “Please,” she begged. “Let me go.” She’d just about managed to work her lightsaber around to her reverse grip.

            “I can’t!” The strength of his voice wavered some. It was taking too much concentration to hold her, and she was distracting him by talking. 

            Obi Wan made it back to his feet and slowly started moving forward. When Maul noticed this, she was jerked towards him with renewed strength. Anakin slid forward a few feet as though holding an invisible rope that was tied around her. Obi Wan stopped moving, his eyes widening. 

            “Let me go, Anakin,” she said softer, feeling as though any second now she might pass out. The force wasn’t around her neck, but it was crushing her chest and she could no longer take deep breaths. “I need... you to... let go...” Her head started spinning.

            “No don't,” Obi Wan said suddenly. “He’s going to do what he did to Satine...”

            She looked up at him as the force tightened on her again. In trying to save her, he might very well kill her. “Let go.” His eyes flitted towards hers, so much sorrow in them, and fear.  _It’s okay,_  she breathed in the force.  _It will... be okay... trust... me..._

            She felt the fear recede, replaced only with sadness and longing. As though he were already in mourning. And with one last broken look, he released his hold. She squeezed her eyes shut and ignited her lightsaber seconds before she collided with Maul. She felt a burning pain in her side and then nothing.

            There were sounds and voices, but she couldn’t make them out. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t see anything more than blurry shapes. She blinked after a moment and could just barely make him out as he crouched over her. His eyes were wide and concerned. “I’m really glad you didn’t do that on Kamino,” he breathed, and she felt his fingers touch her face. She couldn’t respond, she felt suddenly weightless, so he must have lifted her in his arms. But before she could process what was going on everything went dark. 

            _Was it over? Was Maul dead? Was she dead?_

 

\---

 

            “Time to wake up, sleeping beauty,” she heard Anakin whisper somewhere close to her. She turned her head and tried to blink but grimaced in pain. “Easy, easy.” After the throbbing pain receded some she finally managed to open her eyes. He was leaning over her, his brows knitted in concern. His golden eyes were softer than you’d expect when you saw them. She’d heard it was a sign of Sith corruption, but neither Sidious or Dooku had them. Even if they were something associated with evil, they were growing on her. His wavy hair was tied back again, a few loose strands dangled down, and she had the strongest urge to reach for them. She regretted moving as soon as she did. 

            “Maul?” she asked.

            “Sure Snips, I sit diligently by your bedside for an hour and your first thought is him?” He leaned back and crossed his arms, his expression one of feigned annoyance. She might have tried arguing with him, but that just sounded painful so instead she rolled her eyes. 

            “I meant,” she gasped a little in pain.

            “Is he dead?” he finished for her, apparently taking pity on her for the state she was in. She nodded. “Yes.” He was quiet for a moment and she looked back at his face. There were deep lines etched across it. “And for a moment...” he glanced back at her with piercing eyes. “I thought you were too.”

            He stepped forward and pulled back the blanket. She gritted her teeth as she lifted her head to look. There was a sizable slash through her dress, her skin was nearly black as it extended from her side around to the back. She’d seen her share of wounds and blood throughout the war, but there was something about her own that made her feel sick. 

            “I need to take off your dress,” he said, and she peeked at his face again. His tone had been serious, but there was the briefest hint of anticipation in his expression. 

            “You just want to undress me,” she smirked, tipping her head back and swallowing the rush of pain.

            “Well yeah,” he laughed. “I’ve been looking forward to the great revealing.” She stuck her tongue out. “But seriously, I need to find out just how bad it is. I was waiting until you woke up. I can tell some of the fabric fused to your skin.” She felt him touch her softly on the stomach.     “I’ll have to cut it off. How exciting.”

            “There are medical technicians on the Jedi cruisers, why didn’t you take me there?” she asked, watching him curiously as he gathered a few supplies and held up some scissors. She wasn’t sure why she was uneasy about the idea of him treating her, though she suspected he had plenty of experience treating burn wounds. The scars up and down his arms spoke volumes of things he never said aloud.

            “Because first of all...” he tapped her lightly on the nose. “We both shunned the Jedi order, remember?”

            “Well yeah, but I’m sure they’d still treat my wounds.”

            “And secondly,” he continued as though she hadn’t spoken. “I want only my hands to touch your beautiful, currently burned, skin.” She studied the side of his face as he washed his hands and went to work removing her belt. She trusted him, so why was she resisting this so much? 

            “Since when are you a doctor?” She dropped her head back down and sucked in a breath when he tried to pull on some of the fabric. 

            “I graduated, highest honors,” he said, somehow keeping a straight face.

            “Oh yeah?” she smirked. “When was that?”

            “Just now,” he replied simply.

            She heard the scissors make the first cut through the fabric of her dress. She hated to admit how disappointed she was about this. She’d loved this dress, but considering the things she’d done in it, she was amazed it had survived this long. And she knew what he was doing was innocent medical care but as she felt the fabric fall away and her skin exposed, it was almost too intimate. 

            “No peeking,” she said, unsure why she felt the sudden need to make some ground rules. She needed to stop seeing him as a Sith, this was ridiculous. He’d more than proven himself, he liked to tease her but had only been honorable in his actions. And as deep as her feelings for him seemed to go, she wasn’t sure she was ready to go that far yet. Though, it was admittedly, getting harder and harder to resist the temptation. He gave her a sidelong glance and she felt the heat rise in her cheeks. 

            “Where’s the fun in that?” he joked. 

            “Please,” she sighed, grabbing at the fabric before it exposed her chest. She had it wrapped in binders for support during fights, but that was thin fabric strips that didn’t always cover everything and sometimes shifted depending how acrobatic she got. Her sudden movement though had sent a wave of sharp pain up and down her right side and she cried out.

            “Ahsoka,” he whispered, setting his hand on her arms that were still crossed in front of her. “I’ve made no effort to hide that I want you, but I will wait until you’re ready. Right now though, you need to stop moving so I don’t accidentally hurt you further.” She squeezed her eyes shut and took a couple quick breaths, the deep ones hurt too much. She finally managed to relax and let go of her hold on the dress. “Very nice,” he murmured and laughed when she scowled at him. “You know...” he paused for a few minutes and she finally looked up at him again. He had a faraway look in his eyes. “Some people think it’s okay to just take what they want,  _whatever_  they want. But it seems to me, that it would be much more fun if the other person wanted it too. Don’t you think?” 

            She stared at him for a moment and then finally nodded. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her quickly on the lips.

            “So I guess I’ll enjoy what I can, until you let me enjoy the rest.” He winked at her and she sucked in a breath for a totally different reason when she felt his fingers slide across her stomach. She wasn’t sure when she forgot about the pain or how hard it was to breathe. She couldn’t take her eyes off him as he focused on what he was doing. Sometimes he’d talk about this or that, but sometimes he’d hum a catchy little tune. But try as she might, she couldn’t ignore how good his fingers felt as they brushed her skin. She wanted it, she wanted to experience it with him, but some part of her was still so afraid. Of what, though?

            There was so much about him she still didn’t know. But at the same time, it felt like she knew him better than she knew anyone else, even better than she knew herself. They’d connected on such a deep level in the force, it felt as though they were intertwined at the core. But somehow, they missed the normal stuff. The simple things. She only knew the most tragic parts of his past, she didn’t know anything about things he liked or hobbies he might have. She knew nothing about the life he’d always dreamt about having when he was finally free. He had more power probably than anyone else in the galaxy now that Sidious, Dooku and Maul were all dead, but you might never know it if you looked at him now. 

            If you could ignore the golden eyes, he was almost normal. He could just be any young man you met on the street or in a shop. The power lived there still, in his presence, but it wasn’t obscuring everything like all the others. For someone that had been as devoted to the Sith teachings as he’d claimed, he wasn’t at all like you’d expect. She wondered how he was handling all of it. There’d been one thing after another since they’d decided to team up to stop Sidious, but how was he really? Now that the war was over, and the deal they’d made to stop Maul, now that they were free to think about the future, maybe it was time to find out.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is folks... the long awaited (well long time coming) ending. Sorry it took so long to write this story! I really fell in love with it so much. I admit when I started it I wasn't really sure how it was going to go. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do and thank you all for the encouragement and love you've shown it.
> 
> I do actually have some ideas for an eventual sequel of it, but it might be awhile before I get to it. So anyways, enjoy! (Sithkin is now my favorite version of Anakin XD)

            At some point during the procedure, Ahsoka had fallen asleep or passed out. He’d tried to be as careful as he could, but he could tell she wasn’t used to burn wounds. Why would she be anyways? She hadn’t been tortured for years by an evil master. So maybe Master Kenobi hadn’t done the best job ever instilling her with self-confidence, but at least he didn’t burn a lightsaber into her skin in order to motivate her or punish her. Once he finished clearing away the burned skin, cleaned up the wound and wrapped it, he washed his hands again and sighed.

            He crossed his arms and studied her face for a few minutes. They’d sure come a long way since the first time they’d met. He still wasn’t sure how. And he definitely wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve her loyalty to him. As soon as the council had offered her the rank she’d been dreaming of for years, he thought for sure he’d lost her. But then for some reason, possibly a very stupid reason, she’d passionately stood up for him and even vehemently yelled at the council in order to do so. And despite all that, Obi wan had still felt the need to follow them out and apologize. He was starting to think he didn’t know as much about the Jedi order as he thought and that maybe… maybe he’d been wrong to walk away from it. Maybe _they’d_ been wrong to walk away. He really hoped she wasn’t going to wake up someday and regret her choice to be with him. What could he offer her really?

            He had power, he could train her further if she wanted. But he didn’t know where he stood with the force anymore. He’d hoped killing Sidious would free him of the Sith corruption, but why had he hoped that? Until he’d met Ahsoka, he’d believed that the only way to stop him was to make himself more like a Sith rather than less like one. That grey area they’d found was great for an occasional fight, but he wasn’t sure he liked the idea of floating around with no direction. Of not knowing what to call what they were. He didn’t identify as a Sith anymore, not really. He’d pretty much cast that aside to follow Ahsoka as though she knew better than he did. And maybe she did. She somehow, was so sure of who she was, so sure of her path with or without the order.

            Until he’d met her, he’d always assumed there were only two paths, two extremes; light or dark. Now, it would seem there was a crazy mess between the two and how were you supposed to learn to survive there without any kind of direction?

            He sighed and took off his jacket. Then he peeled off his undershirt and picked up the scissors he’d used to cut off her dress. He cut a few inches down the front of the neck of it and then a triangle on either side back up to the collar. Then he very carefully worked it over her head, trying not to disturb her. After fighting to get her lekku out of the neck hole, he gently eased her arms through and pulled it down, so it covered her. It was too big for her, but she looked cute in it anyways and he smiled at a job well done. Then he pulled up the blanket and kissed her softly on the forehead, pulled his jacket back on and left the room.

            He dropped down on the bunk in the other room and rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. Beyond exhausted if that were possible. The past week had been... well had been one hell of a ride. Sidious was dead, Dooku was dead, Maul was dead, Ahsoka was with him and neither of them were fugitives. It was better than he could have ever hoped for. But for some reason it didn’t feel as good as he’d expected. Maybe he was just too tired to appreciate it.

            He’d left Ahsoka to recover from the horrific wound she’d gotten from killing Maul. He couldn’t shake that from his brain. It could have been worse, he kept trying to tell himself that. She could have died, but she hadn’t. Even though she’d begged him to let her go, it still felt like his fault she’d be forever marked by that. Somehow in the matter of seconds it had taken her to fly the rest of the way towards Maul, she’d ignited her lightsaber and stabbed it straight through his chest, while simultaneously managing to miss him doing exactly the same thing to her.

            He still had no idea how she’d managed to twist enough so that it only slashed her side. The wound was deep, but not deep enough to hit anything other than muscle. She’d been lucky,  _very_  lucky. And once he’d managed to clean off the burnt skin, it would heal with just a nasty scar, no worse. He thought about how they’d decided that the force had brought them together. Was it still looking out for them? Is that how they somehow kept beating the odds? Why did the force care about him so much if there was no hope for him?

            Was all of it worth it though? He knew killing Sidious alone was a good thing. But everything they’d lost? Everything they’d sacrificed for? Was it possible to recover from it? 

            He laid back against the pillow and put his feet up. He’d rather be in there with Ahsoka but right now, he needed a moment to breathe. It wasn’t that he questioned a future with her, because as long as she’d have him, he’d want to be with her. But maybe he was questioning their stupidity in refusing the Jedi council’s offer. He didn’t want to be a Jedi, not really, but... what was he now? 

            Was he still a Sith or something else entirely? He held secrets only Sidious and possibly Dooku had known. The Republic was going to discover many things his master had already put into motion. Most of which would be harmless without one of them to control it. But they were still out there. Would he always be tempted by it? Like he’d been when he’d run away from Coruscant? If he chose the light side, would he live in guilt of the things he’d done? He might be free of Sidious himself, but what of his teachings? How would he know he was making good decisions? How would he know if he was on the right track?

            He didn’t like the uncertainty of living without a master. He didn’t like the unease he felt both with the force and himself now. Ahsoka provided a lot of his direction, but what if something happened to her? What if Maul’s strike had been fatal? Who was he? Who was he without her? He hadn’t told her yet, about the nightmares.

            “Look at you, my son.” He sat up in surprise and looked around the room. “Look how you’ve grown.”

            “Mom?” he stammered in confusion. It was her voice without question, but how was that possible? He fell backwards when a vision of her appeared in front of him. It was a trick, it had to be.

            “Ani,” she breathed. “My little Ani.” She reached out a couple ghostly fingers and touched his cheek. It felt like an electric shock and he recoiled. 

            “How are you here?” he demanded. “You’re, you’re... dead.” He looked down at the floor.

            “Nothing once loved is ever truly gone,” she whispered. “I live in here.” He watched her hand rest itself on his chest, over his heart. He looked up at her beautiful face, tears welling in his eyes. 

            “I’ve missed you so much.” He was crying before he could stop himself. “I failed you! No matter what I did for him, I couldn’t protect you!”

            “My little Ani,” Shmi said softly. “You didn’t fail me. You were the best son anybody could ask for and I’m so very proud of you.”

            “How could you be proud of this?” He collapsed back onto the bunk. “I’m nothing but a monster.” He felt the mattress move next to him and saw that she’d sat down too. How she felt solid, he really had no idea. 

            “There’s something I need to show you, my son,” his mom said. “You’re afraid of the future, but more than that, you’re afraid of yourself.”

            “How can I not be?” he sighed, dropping his head in his hands. “I don’t know who I am anymore. Maybe I’ve never known.”

            “Then let me show you who you could have been,” she whispered in his ear. “It’s time to think twice about your life and the path you’re walking.”

He looked up as the room around him faded. He was standing in an office. He didn’t recognize it but there were familiar elements to it. The carpeting, the style, it reminded him of Sidious’ office. Something luxurious, something on Coruscant. But who’s office was it?

            “You loved her once, didn’t you?” He blinked in surprise when the senator of Naboo appeared across the room as though frozen.  _Padmé_. Once a queen. Once... everything he’d ever wanted. He moved towards her, looking her over and admiring her pretty features. She’d been something special, something his poor little naïve brain hadn’t been able to comprehend when she’d appeared like an angel in his life. So beautiful, so perfect, so soft. 

            The hatred he’d felt towards her all those years had faded. Just like the hatred towards Obi Wan and the rest of the order. It wasn’t that he’d forgiven them, or even that they’d redeemed themselves, it was just that... the hatred seemed so pointless now. He didn’t need it to fuel his power anymore.

            He reached out as though to touch her but pulled his hand back as someone else appeared in front of her. He looked at the newcomer in surprise. It was him, but it wasn’t him. He was wearing Jedi robes, but blue and maroon instead of the typical beige. His hair was shorter, his eyes blue. He held himself with confidence and,  _arrogance_. He had a smirk on his face as he looked at Padmé. In his outstretched arm he held a lightsaber. It was similar to the one he had now, but not exactly the same.

            “This weapon is my life,” his Jedi self said to Padmé and he stepped back when they started moving. “But my love for you is more important. Take it.” He watched himself hand her the lightsaber. Well more accurately, try to put it in her hands despite her resistance to whatever he was trying to prove with this gesture.

            “Wow, it’s heavier than I expected,” she said when he’d succeeded at getting her to take it, and he smiled at the sound of her voice.

            “I know our duties come first, but you’re my wife and someday soon, we won’t have to hide our relationship.” His eyes widened in surprise. If he’d been a Jedi, him and Padmé would have gotten married?

            “You still love her, don’t you?” his mom asked, coming up beside him and setting a hand on his back. He watched himself reach out and touch her on the face, something he often did with Ahsoka. But for some reason as he watched him desperately try to woo her further, and Padmé eventually giving into the kiss... If she was his wife, why did he feel as though he constantly had to profess his love? Why did he think she’d slip away? Why was he not convinced that she loved him? She must have, right? If she’d married him.

            They both froze in front of him again and he studied them. The words he’d said weren’t bad persay, maybe a bit corny for his current tastes. They were well intended, weren’t they? Why did it look like she was pulling away? Why did it seem like he had to talk her into loving him? Why was there so much fear hidden behind the arrogance in his eyes? If Padmé was who he’d always wanted, why didn’t either of them look like people who were supposed to be in love? Why didn’t he feel the love between them? Even as he’d kissed her, they’d just seemed like empty shells. As if they were going through the motions of two people that were supposed to be in love but really weren’t. And his words to her, the words they spoke to each other… there was no substance to them, no real feeling. At least not other than fear.

            “I don’t know,” he said finally. “I thought I did, but... what about Ahsoka?” He dropped his shoulders. If he’d married Padmé as a Jedi... wait... hadn’t Ahsoka said that relationships were forbidden for Jedi?

            “Ahsoka became your padawan,” his mom said. “You loved her dearly.”

            “But, how could I? If I was with Padmé?”

            “There’s more than one way to love people, my son.”

            “Show me Ahsoka, please!” he begged.

            The scene in front of them faded and he saw a younger version of her running across a landing platform to catch up with him. He smiled at first, but it faded fast when he saw the way he’d practically dismissed her. 

            “Master Skywalker!” she called to him.

            “What is it now, padawan?” he huffed in annoyance.

            “What’s it like on Teth? Are we sure that’s where Jabba’s son is being held? Aren’t the monasteries really secluded? If there’s a whole battalion of droids there...” 

            He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his lips again. As annoyed as he was at his Jedi self for being so dismissive of her, it was funny to see she was always full of questions. Maybe she was only that way with him. Apparently  _both_  versions of him. He rolled his eyes. The humor faded though, as scenes flashed before him. There was tenderness between them as their relationship wore on. Deep respect, understanding, acceptance, and yes, as his mother had said, even love. But... 

            He noticed something else too, something else that was really starting to bother him. His Jedi self didn’t really appreciate her. He seemed more focused on Padmé. Or his troubles with Obi Wan;  _funny that that was still a problem_. Or approval from the council. He showed off every chance he got as though he had something to prove. But in his eyes, it was almost like the light was fading from them as the war waged on. Supposedly this was the life he’d always dreamed of wasn’t it? Becoming a Jedi, marrying Padmé, feeling important and free and powerful... so how was he losing himself? How could he be in an environment so good, so much better than his life as a Sith and still be so unhappy?

            Suddenly he was on the temple steps, a moment just between him and Ahsoka. But she looked sad, hurt, broken and he just looked, well he looked really afraid, but also angry. He was trying to convince her to stay, a desperation, like he’d felt with his first exchange with Padmé in this vision. But Ahsoka was crying, and then... she was walking away. Away from him. Into the sunset, descending the dark steps. He yelled at himself to go after her, angry that he made no moves to do so. Had he lost her because of his obsession with Padmé? Or something else?

            He shouted all the reasons he’d be stupid to lose her, but his Jedi self just watched her go, so he chased the vision of her instead. “Ahsoka!” he called. “Ahsoka wait!” But she vanished moments later and now he was staring at Padmé again. She was wearing a beautiful blue nightgown with delicate beading. Her hair was down in graceful curls. She had a smile on her face, joy in her eyes and then he noticed she was pregnant. He swallowed hard not really liking the idea of two people so not in love bringing children into the world. He turned his attention back to himself. This version of him, this version was shadowed and dark; even his robes were as dark as they could get. This version hid mountains of pain under a fake smile. This was a version of himself he knew well, one he’d seen in the mirror for many years until he’d found Ahsoka. The only thing missing were the golden eyes. He stared at himself a moment longer and then bowed his head.

            “For years I’ve questioned the path I’ve been forced to walk. For years I’ve lived in dreams of what ifs. So many things I’d ached to be different. What if I’d been a Jedi instead of a Sith? What if Padmé had loved me too? What if, what if, what if...” He squeezed his eyes shut and sighed. But even if I’d gotten all of that, I still turned into this. Was that a destiny I could never escape?” He looked up at the apparition of his mother as they were once again standing in the room on his ship. “Was I always meant to become a monster?”

            “Are you a monster here? In this life?” she asked, tipping her head to the side.

            “I feel like one...” he trailed off.

            “Why?”

            “Because despite all the good I’ve done, despite my freedom, despite finding love... I’m still tainted.”

            “Listen to me carefully, my son.” Shmi knelt down in front of him and took his hands in hers. “Every experience in our life leaves its mark. It’s what we choose to make of them that makes us who we are. Life hits a hammer, we choose what part to chisel. Are we going to make ourselves beautiful or broken? If I’d had my way, I would have wished a much better life for you, an easier one. But as you witnessed, easier doesn’t mean better. It’s through hardships that we find our power and our strength. It’s through pain that we build ourselves up. Despite the torture you’ve endured, you’ve shaped yourself with goodness. Your intentions were to help people no matter what the cost. Despite your life as a Sith, you found something worth fighting for. Would becoming a Jedi answer all your dearest hopes?”

            “No,” he admitted. “If anything, it would take them away.”

            “Then you have chosen your path. And in your wisdom, you have made it something good.” His mother reached up and patted him softly on the cheek. “You are who you choose to be. Will you forever be a slave to a master, the dark side or your past? Or will you cast aside your shackles and live?”

            He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His first thought was not of the Jedi or Padmé or the years he’d spent dreaming. His first thought was Ahsoka.

            If he’d gotten everything he’d always thought he’d wanted, he never would have had her. He never would have loved her. Not the right way anyways. She’d given him more than he could ever have hoped for. In her eyes he saw someone he could be. He saw someone that wasn’t lost or broken beyond repair. She made him believe again. Dream again. And... suddenly he didn’t care what else he might have missed out on. Finding her in this life made everything he’d been through worth it. She was the key. As a Jedi, he’d been too consumed by Padmé to appreciate the love she’d had for him. And in his stupidity, he’d let her go in favor of something he feared to lose that he never really had to begin with. As a Jedi, he’d been manipulative and demanding. He expected things from people who were incapable of giving it. He had no idea why exactly, on the so-called proper path, he’d ended up just as evil as he was as a Sith. Why he’d still turned into a monster. But in this life… in the one he’d been living… as horrible as it had been, the distractions that had kept him from appreciating Ahsoka had been stripped away. And despite starting in the darkness, her love had pulled him to the light. Whereas Padmé… the person he’d always thought had been an angel, had seemed to do the complete opposite. If angels _did_ exist, Ahsoka was the true angel. And though everything else might be uncertain right now, he was never more sure of her.

            “Ahsoka!” He sat up, surprised to find her right there, leaning over his bed.

            “You scared me half to death, Skyguy,” she said after a moment. “I was coming to check on you and then you yelled my name!”

            He looked around wondering where his mother had gone. Had he dreamt the whole thing? It had been so real. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry,” he murmured. 

            She reached out and touched his cheek and he stopped moving. “Look at me,” she whispered, but there was something odd in her tone. He blinked and looked up at her face.

            “Is something wrong?” She had an odd expression. Her brows were furrowed in confusion but there was a spark of curiosity there too, mixed with adoration. He watched her nervously as she seemed to study him for a long time. “What?” he asked finally.

            “For some reason I assumed they’d be brown,” she smiled finally.

            “Brown what? What are you talking about?”

            “Your eyes, Skyguy, your eyes.” She leaned forward and kissed him gently. “But I much prefer blue.”

            “My eyes...?” he started and then gasped. “They’re not yellow anymore?”

            “No.” She sat back on her heels smirking. “You don’t feel them changing?”

            “I  _er_... must have slept through it.” He felt suddenly giddy. His mom had been right, he was who he chose to be. And he chose to be free. He slid off the bed and pulled her into his arms. “I love you, I love you so much!”

            “Uh...” she seemed to choke a little in embarrassment. “I love you too. What is this all about anyways?”

            “I had a dream, well, actually I’d been having nightmares. It felt like all that stuff with Sidious, like it wasn’t over yet. But maybe it was just my fear, maybe I was afraid to accept the truth. You’d think I wouldn’t be afraid of that, I mean come on, no one wanted him dead more than I did. But I guess maybe I thought it would be harder to stop him than that and...” he trailed off when he saw her look of bewilderment. “Why are you up? You need to be resting! That wound isn’t going to heal overnight, he pointed to her side where under his shirt he’d wrapped bandages carefully around her.

            “I’m fine, really,” she said. “Apparently you  _are_  a doctor. Or a miracle worker...” She rolled her eyes. “I heard you thrashing about in here when I woke up. I wanted to see if you were alright.”

            “Never better, Snips,” he smiled as he got to his feet and pulled her up and into his arms again. “In my dream, I saw who I would have been if they’d taken me into the Jedi order rather than left me on Tatooine.”

            “And?”

            “I was handsome, of course. Maybe not as handsome as I am now.” She smirked at him and he kissed her on the lips. “I was your master too, you know. I told you I liked the sound of that.”

            “Really, Skyguy?” she laughed. 

            “But...” Her smile faded, and he studied her face. “But Jedi me didn’t appreciate you. Not like this me does. I was too distracted by other things. Get this, I was even married to Padmé!”

            “The senator of Naboo?” she asked in surprise.

            “Former  _queen_  and yes.” He crossed his arms. “What, you don’t think someone like her would be interested in someone like me?”

She shoved him playfully. “That’s not what surprised me, you idiot. You said you were a Jedi?  _And_  married? Jedi don’t allow those types of relationships.”

            “Yeah, I remember you saying that before,” he murmured thoughtfully. “Either way though, it doesn’t change the fact that  _I_  have something way better than Jedi me ever did or would have.”

            “What’s that?”

            “I have you,” he whispered. “And I’d willingly trade any dream I’ve ever had a million times over to keep it that way.” He saw her eyes get watery and he pulled her into a hug, trying to be careful not to squeeze her too hard and hurt her further. But he really wanted to hold her tight against him forever.

            “I thought I was crazy chasing down a Sith in hopes of returning him to the light, but... it was the best decision I ever made,” she breathed into his neck.

            “Thank you, Ahsoka.” He kissed her gently on the cheek. “For everything.”


End file.
